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Practical! Club Recruitment Chairs Set Students' Self-Esteem Ablaze To Stay Warm This Winter

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Photo by StockSnap / CC0

This season’s cold and temperamental weather necessitated creative ways to stay warm. While Penn students without power were left to fend for themselves in freezing temperatures, Club Recruitment Chairs across campus stayed toasty warm, heating themselves by setting club applicants’ self-esteem and aspirations ablaze.

“We literally turn on the AC during interviews. Setting fire to these kids’ dreams and confidence can really make me break a sweat,” Sarah Tanders (W ’20) remarked as she fanned herself with the resumes of rejected students. “If anything, we’ve considered toning down the process. It gets too damn hot sometimes.” 

A spokeswoman for Student Health Services commented, “though we don’t condone the burning of anything on campus without the supervision of a fire safety personnel, these students get sick at much lower rates than the rest of Penn’s student body. Whatever they’re doing is clearly working.”

She added, “as for the students being set ablaze — we can offer a health kit with some aloe.” 

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