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OP-ED: Hey Mom, Can't FaceTime Right Now, a Penis Is Literally Entering Me

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Photo by Sophie Trotto / The Daily Pennsylvanian

Hey Mom! It’s so nice to hear from you. Sorry I had to decline your FaceTime just now. I’m a little busy at the moment, haha.


Yes, I miss you too! Sorry we haven’t talked in a while :/ You always call me in the middle of my Penn Appétit meetings, so I can't pick up :(


Anyways, it's a little inconvenient for me to answer your FaceTime at this exact moment, because I’m actually getting majorly dicked down rn. Can I ft you later tonight when I’m free?


Ugh no mom…..I don’t have a boyfriend…..............Can we please have this conversation later?


Okay bye, I love you too!!! Look, I will probably be free in like two or three minutes max, so I’ll call you back then <3

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