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Click-Bait: I Just Described a Penn Student I Saw on Locust! Click to See If It's YOU!


Photo by Max Pixel / CC0 1.0 

She’s not on Locust. And why would she be? The hoards of people are too much — all rushing in an animalistic state to what? Money, money, money. Men in suits upset her, and she avoids them at all costs. 

Spruce Street is her refuge, the path for those on this campus who crave a shred of anonymity. Protecting her from the sight of others, her Penn cap says it all: “yes, I’m a low-key bitch. And, you’re also right — I do go to Penn.” 

She’s listening to Biggie through her Apple headphones. “His music makes her feel more connected to her New York roots,” the prep school alum reasons. 

She rips her juul and exerts effort in minimizing the phat cloud so as to not draw more attention to herself, though she does this in vain. “I want to observe and not engage with my surroundings.” She crosses the street just a touch before others and derives a high from being the most efficient one. 

She doesn’t really give a fuck, though. Couldn’t you tell that already from her somewhat grungy black boots? The plaid Brandy Melville skirt would be too much without the balance provided by the disheveled state of the rest of her being. Black tights with several tiny holes and tears. Noticeable nicks on her shins from shaving haphazardly. Hair that was once smooth but has since knotted on account of her speed walk to DRL. 

She’s here to observe the world but at a distance. In constructing this experience, Spruce becomes her place to be seen, and in desiring to be anonymous in a purely superficial manor, she assesses her surroundings and prepares to write an article about herself.