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How My Breakout Room Became a Circle Jerk


Photo (with edits) by Meresa García / The Daily Pennsylvanian 

We all stared at one another, wondering who was going to unmute first. Should I? Will he? Exactly seven minutes had passed since we were put into our breakout room. We were supposed to practice the French present – je baise, tu baises, nous baisons - but the awkward silence ensued. 

Perhaps it was because I skipped my daily ritual in the shower this morning. Or maybe it was the big bowl of green M&M's that I was snacking on. Because there was only one thing on my mind: do I really want to jerk off with a bunch of strangers? Yes, yes, I do. 

Luckily for my introverted ass, this required no talking. I slowly stood up from my chair, unzipped my fly, and just went at it. I'll admit, I was a bit nervous – it was my first time initiating, so I was a little unsure how to proceed. However, soon everyone started joining in. Even the guy who had his video off turned his on. 

A look of terror appeared on all our faces when we saw there was only a minute left before we returned to the main room. We stroked, we jerked, we jacked as fast as we could! To the finish line we rushed! Alas! Luck was on our side that day. French class seemed so relaxing thereafter. 

I get it, we all do. Breakrooms can be a bit weird. What I suggest is a little circle jerk, just to break the ice. It's a perfect way to connect with your classmates. Freshies, isn't that what you've been wanting? So, go ahead. Started slapping away at that salami with your peers!