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J. Crew to Start an Onlyfans


Photo by Pixabay / CC BY 2.0

After filing for bankruptcy this May, it was unclear whether we would see the return of iconic clothing brand, J. Crew. Overpriced-sweater lovers, despair no longer! According to leadership, J. Crew has emerged from their bankruptcy with a new, foolproof plan that will establish the company as "well-positioned for long-term growth."

Desperate times call for creative solutions. In an effort to get the company back off the ground and keep all fifteen J. Crew senior executives on their $550,000 salaries, the company has announced that it will be creating an Onlyfans account on Instagram. Access to the account will be priced at a modest $5 per person — a steal in today’s market.

“Don’t worry, we’re only doing feet pics and maybe an elbow here and there,” said CEO Michael Nicholson. “Well… we are for now.” He then muttered something about paperwork.

When asked how content production would fit into the brand’s limited budget, Nicholson was visibly excited. “The great thing about this Onlyfans account is that we can just recycle zoomed in shots of our models,” he squealed. “It comes at no cost to us—the only difficult part is finding exposed body parts amidst all of the cashmere and denim.”

Nicholson made it clear that this is just a side hustle to dig the brand out of hot water. “It’s more of a plan D than anything. Plans A through C fell through because they involved actually selling clothing.”