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Help: Blue Light Affecting My Ability to Nut


Photo by Meresa García / The Daily Pennsylvanian

I thought Jessica was fucking stupid when she bought blue anti-glare glasses. Who would drop money on that kind of shit? Blue light apparently causes eye strain, stress, and fatigue. And now, with Zoom University, it's supposedly even worse. 

But with all the time I spend on my iPhone, iPad, Mac, and Apple Watch, I assumed I built up an immunity from these crap side effects.  

Yeah, online school can be stressful, but I've discovered the therapeutic treatment of nutting in between classes to take the edge off. 

So, after Bio 101, I hopped off zoom, queued up some Stormi D., and got into the masturbatory position. It was a slow start at first, but sometimes the lil' chap just needs a minute. 

Watching my video, I waited for it to happen, but then all of a sudden, the Zoom logo flashed across the screen. I blinked and it was gone. My eyes were just playing tricks on me.

Okay, so maybe I did need to take a break from my monitor. Easy fix. I closed my computer, resumed my activities, and hoped to God that I could finish in time before my next class. 

But no matter how hard I jerked, I just couldn't nut. Every time I closed my eyes, I would be haunted by the images of Zoom waiting rooms, Zoom break out rooms, Zoom muted microphones. ZOOM! ZOOM! ZOOM! There was no escaping it. The worse vision of all was the one of beady little eyes all staring back at me. 

Maybe that ho Jessica was right. Maybe all this blue light shit was real. And these were the worse side effects of all. 

I quickly ordered my anti blue light glasses, but unfortunately due to the current mailing crisis, they won't get here for another month! I'm counting down the days until I can finally nut, Zoom free.