New Seasonal Starbucks Menu To Come!: Vaccine Boost for 10¢ or Adderall Pump for 15¢

Starbucks recently announced that their upcoming seasonal menu will debut two new items that have yet to be seen in any of their stores. The coffee chain will soon be offering their customers the option of a Vaccine Boost to any drink for only an extra .10¢. More exciting, however, is the Adderall Pump for .15¢! 

The addition of the two add-ons comes from a six month collaboration between Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson and Penn Chief Wellness Officer Dr. Benoit Dubé. 

“Yeah I was just sitting at my desk when Dubé suddenly called me up,” Johnson recounted, “He was all like, hey you wanna stop this little virus, make our students addicts, and have one of the fattest profit margins your company has ever seen? And I was like, hell yeah.” 

All eight Starbucks locations on Penn’s campus will carry both the boost and pump come March 1st. In the meantime, each store will be offering customers free samples of the two items with any order of five dollars or more. 

“I was able to snag a sample of the Adderall Pump,”  commented Mark Lopez ENG ‘23, “And I was instantly hooked! I was able to crunch out all my assignments for MATH 458 and STAT 433 and managed to run a 5k this morning without breaking a sweat. And that was just a sample! Can you imagine what I’ll be able to do with a full dose?” 

Johnson and Dubé say that if sales for the two add-ons exceed expectations, then they are thinking of releasing stand alone drink versions of the Vaccine Boost and Adderall Pumps in sizes 24 oz Venti Iced and 31 oz Trenta.