Job Too Stressful: Amy to Self Care in NY

President Amy Gutmann has had enough. 

“It’s all, oh Amy, COVID’s running rampant! Amy, the parties are getting out of hand! Amy, we need your help! Amy, what should we do? Amy this, Amy that. Like, come on guys, I didn’t sign up for all this work! I have needs too, they’re not being met, and nobody seems to care,” sighed the exasperated President as she packed away her University home belongings (all of which fit inside two medium sized suitcases). 

After this long and taxing weekend of posing with students for pictures that only ruin her instagram flow, Gutmann decided that she needed to step back, focus on the future, and start saying no to others and start saying yes to herself. 

Until the end of the semester, Amy G. will be taking a staycation in her New York apartment to rejuvenate, recenter, and reorganize her body, mind, and soul.  

“All you students do is whine and complain,” the President grumbled, “I don’t hear any hey G., you’re a real one for bringing back all the freshmen or thanks Ames for not blowing this whole party thing out of proportion. How about next time, you actually invite me to one? I like having fun too, you know!” 

And with that, Amy Gutmann shut the door on her University housing and headed towards much more relaxing moments filled with epsom salt infused bubble baths, stream-of-consciousness journaling, and Whole Foods grocery runs. But best of all, this self-care retreat will be void of any Penn faced brats.