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So What My Poster of Monica Lewinsky Eating Out Bill Clinton is in my Zoom Background


We all have our things, right. Babies love their binkies, Grandmas love hugs, My uncle tom loves brushing my teeth. So riddle me this: why are they all allowed to flaunt their passions without shame but I have ONE poster of President Monica Lewinsky munchin on Bill Clinton's little pussy in the background in a zoom class and I crossed the line? 

Where do you get off, Professor Greenwald, telling me I have to move my camera off of my favorite poster? I specifically put myself in front of that poster so everyone in your stupid class would see that I’m the shit. Do you prefer I move my camera onto my poster of Gandhi snorting coke off of a hooker's ass? Or a make-a-wish kid on a private jet to Epstein’s Island? Or Greta Thunberg taking a shit on a house plant? Or fine, you want me to abide by your marxist, neoteric agenda, how about I wear my shirt of Trump being birthed in a hospital in Kenya. Yeah, that’s what I thought, Nerd. 

So this is what’s going to happen, Ms. Greenfuck, if that even is your real name. You’re going to publicly apologize for embarrassing me in front of all of my new friends, then you’re gonna log off zoom and I’m gonna teach your feminist theory class. I bet I could do a better job anyway. I know everything there is about feminism. Rule 1: do unto females as you would want females to do unto you. Rule 2: Give equal opportunities to your aunts to brush your teeth as you do to uncle Tom…and pretend like you enjoy it just as much. Rule 3: Remind women that they can do anything they want to, like be president, and eat Bill Clinton out. 

I’m sorry it had to come to this, but I feel like left and right the things that I care about are being taken from me. Did you ever think maybe that poster was the last thing my grandma gave me before passing away? Or maybe I see myself in one of the characters depicted in that poster? I bet you didn’t. And now I’m here pouring my heart out onto this keyboard, and Monica is eating out Bill Clinton in a dark drawer in my basement. I bet it doesn’t feel as good as you expected it to.