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Epic Fail! Mentioning Circumcision Protest to My Mom Leads to Long Lecture About How if I Had a Penis I’d Be Uncut


Photo by Joshua Guerra/The Daily Texan

In an attempt to make conversation with my mom on our weekly phone call, I brought up the recent circumcision protest on campus. That's right. These guys weren't shouting religious epithets like the usual rotation of protester on College Green. These dudes were marching in cowboy hats and white jeans with a "blood stain" on their groins. 

"I just couldn't fathom someone doing that to you as a baby. It's very important to me that you know that if you had a penis you'd be uncut. "

Girl what? 

"That's a very special little organ I would never want to make that decision for you. You'd be, well, literally carrying that decision around with you for the rest of your life. You know, your father and I talked about this extensively, I'm sure he'd be thrilled to discuss his thoughts on circumcision with you too." 

Okay so just unpacking that. In some alternate universe I'm walking around with an uncircumcised dick. And my mom characterizes said hypothetical dick as little?

My mother then listed everyone of her friends' sons that is uncircumcised. If you're reading this Conner, I didn't need to know that about you either.