Below are your search results. You can also try a Basic Search.
Rachael Serra (C '18) had never been MERT'd before. She survived her first Penn BYO with flying colors. She even helped carry other freshmen back to the Quad. No formal or frat party could ever take her down. Rachael was classy as all hell.
Cold calling is the worst. Deborah Tanner (C '19) was caught off guard earlier this semester when her professor, hoping to throw a history major a softball question, asked her what year World War I started in their seminar class.
Carl Timmons (W '19) walked into Van Pelt for the first time this past Tuesday. As he entered into the stacks of the library, Timmons soon became befuddled with all of the strange, incomprehensible writings on each stack of books. "Why are there weird tags everywhere?" he thought to himself, searching listlessly for a book for the first class in his college career for which he needed to write a research paper.
The Provost's Office recently let slip that former Vice President and ice cream connoisseur Joseph (Joe) Robinette Biden has will be teaching a section of Political Science 130, "Introduction to American Politics," this coming fall. According to the announcement, Biden hopes to bridge abstract theoretical material with his real-time experience adjacent to the Oval Office, and is looking forward to "deepening his connection with the Penn undergraduate community."
We were three boat races in. At that precise moment, the isolated table made for drunk Penn kids in the back of Banana Leaf started to feel more like prison than paradise. So, I turn around, look up behind me and there they are: Shannon and Howard. Shannon and Howard are two grown-ass, married adults just trying to eat their Roti Canai and their Pineapple Rice in peace on a Thursday at 6:36 PM.
Do you need a vessel to store a viscous liquid like a jam, marmalade, spread, tapenade, or dip? Do you need a catchy way to attract new converts to your New Age religious practice? Well, ok, but do you need a job for the summer to begin accumulating wealth and capital?
Jon Vidal (C '18) has given tours with Kite and Key since the spring of his freshman year. While his participation began as a genuine desire to show a school he loved to prospective students, over the years he has lost himself in the process.
Hi guys. Yeah, I know, I know. It's that time of year and there are dumb kids doing all sorts of shenanigans to gain the approval of others. But my cow suit is not to be part of a superficial brotherhood. I have no interest in your cults to binge drinking and public humiliation. No, my friends, I suck at the teat of something that is much bigger than all of us. I am a Cow.
If you know anything about succulents, you know that the succulent is a stout and tenacious plant. At least that's what I thought when I bought Karl.
Tara Garland (C '18) first experienced the melancholy of being sick away from home in January of her freshman year. Then, at least, she had the solidarity of her entire freshman hall who, because they kept making out with each other, had all infected each other. Unfortunately for Tara, the cold (that she has since named Gilbert) has stayed with her for her entire time at Penn.
Ann Thomaty (C '18) was all set to go out last saturday night. She put on pants, contacts, and drank a single hard cider: undeniable evidence that she was committed to doing some top quality, half-assed dancing with her friends.
Sarah Tabbert (C '18) has not registered for a single class. She has emailed potential professors letting them know that she's interested in taking their classes (no response from the PSYC 001 professor, though). She's still deciding between a few classes. In the time between what others call "the start of the semester" and the end of add period — the real start to the semester for Tabbert — this Penn Senior lives her fullest life.
This may be "hot take," an "unpopular opinion," or even a "stupid idea" or whatnot, but I believe very strongly that Penn should shorten our breaks. I, Kyle F. Riddle (C '21) of nimble mind and of slender body, think that the University of Pennsylvania should, nay, needs to make Thanksgiving break begin at 4pm on Thursday and Winter Break a crisp five days. Fall break shouldn't exist at all. As I write this, I am preparing myself for an avalanche of the snowflakes who go to this school coming out of the woodworks to say things like, "I want to spend some time with my family and my new pup." Or "I need to recover from the semester's overwhelming workload and decompress." Maybe even, "I don't appreciate that mixed metaphor, Kyle." To all that I say: What is this, daycare?
Hello all—
Was pumpkin pie invented by Satan to sell sex? "Absolutely. Yes," remarked Billy Font in a rare in-person interview with UTB's top conspiracy correspondent.
Hi, there. I'm Brad.
Former Vice President Joe Biden's love of ice cream and the use of the word malarkey are recognized and celebrated world-wide.
Cole Medan, an English major with a concentration in Creative Writing (C '19), thought teaching would be perfect for him. He imagined himself becoming a John Keating of sorts, prompting his students to stand on desks and vandalize books in his honor. At the very least, he sought to impress the middle schoolers with his ability to ruthlessly cut all "to be" verbs from any sentence and make a really flowery introduction.
Tom Camps (C '21) came to a startling realization this past Monday.
Halloween is under attack. At least that's what one freshman, Betsy Bertran (C '21) thinks.