Fact Check: Justin Bieber Was Not Made in America
(09/17/21 7:09pm)
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Advance Registration is currently happening, but not for flaky freshman Steve Buckwell.
Too many students at this university are eating too few poke bowls. It’s time that changes.
In the latest scandal to hit Penn Athletics the “lacrosse” team has been suspended indefinitely for creating a fake sport.
The University of Pennsylvania is an 'Ivy League Institution,' which means it must be very selective and chooses only the very best candidates for admission. Throughout its 281 years of existence, the University admissions committee has done the very most to ensure that every class of Penn students is as talented, intelligent, and white as possible. Penn admissions has got this process down to a science and makes sure that it is fair and equitable at all times. Here, Under the Button presents a walk down memory lane for Penn admissions to demonstrate how the University has done nothing wrong — not ever — in selecting each new class of students.
One institution at Penn is taking credit for Penn’s COVID-19 test positivity rate plummeting from “holy crap” levels to “we good” levels: the Penn Positive Psychology Center.
The Penn Hate Crime Club has rebranded itself as the Anti-Crime Club after questions were raised during the club’s recruitment process this semester.
Soon-to-be unemployed senior Jessica Robertson is coming to grips with an uncomfortable fact: Being principled is hard, but getting a nice job at the cost of her soul is also pretty darn hard. “Why did no one tell me?” she groaned.