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(01/31/24 7:45pm)
“Last night was sooo fun! Can you just Venmo me $11.50 for the Uber there and back? Thaks, you’re the best!”
This was the message that two Penn students woke up to on Sunday morning. The messages would have gone unquestioned if it weren’t for a tip UTB received that day from undergraduate Allison White, who split an Uber ride with the said Venmo requester, Beth Roberts. Both Allison, Beth, and Beth’s little split an Uber to Kappa Lambda Lambda’s Late Night for Late Stage Dementia at a South Street club on Saturday night. In an exclusive interview, Allison reported that Beth bragged the past week about how her father’s card is on her Venmo account.
(01/24/24 9:57pm)
After taking (some) of the advice from the peer resume reviewer at Career Services, college junior Dylan Muldowny decided to email every CEO he could find on MyPenn and ask for an informational interview.
(10/26/23 7:08pm)
Penn marketing students were boggled this week when their fellow classmate showed up to class after Thanksgiving break still wearing an animal onesie. Students in the course, Marketing in the World of Markets, said they were not surprised when the college sophomore arrived in class one day during mid October wearing a fleece giraffe footie pajamas complete with a horned hood.
(10/05/23 4:14pm)
As midterm season rolls around, hundreds of students are combing through Canvas in an attempt to track down their syllabus and the all too important grading breakdown. For most, it’s a simple scroll through the menu items, Class Readings (boooring), People (is that cute guy from Psych 1001 taking the course?), Course Materials @ Penn libraries (no idea what that is), aaaaand finally the Syllabus page.
(09/21/23 9:55pm)
It's probably happened to you. And if it hasn't already, it's about to. You're going about your life as a super chill undergraduate. Next thing you know you go home for the weekend, and you're stricken by an ear infection. Your mom urges you to go to your doctor. Let's face it. You probably haven't been in that office since you had to get a physical to play JV volleyball. The walls of the office are covered in murals of safari animals. There are framed finger paintings in the exam room. Some woman in her twenties looks at you and the kids playing in the waiting room and asks "Which one is yours?"
(04/25/23 2:20am)
We've all been there. Your middle school class loads into a yellow bus and drives for hours through the exurbs. Then suddenly, a warehouse decked out in faux masonry with two towers emerges from the middle of the industrial park. It's Medieval Times, of course!
(04/10/23 11:21pm)
April means that a lucky batch of 2,400 seventeen-year-olds and a few degenerate twenty-odd-year-olds will commit to attending Penn this fall as part of the class of 2027. In President Liz Magill's words, this is set to be one of Penn's most diverse classes, with students from 49 states and 5 countries.
(04/10/23 11:24pm)
I sat at my laptop on a rainy spring night
(02/16/23 6:22am)
It's February, which means sorority rush season has come to a close. With that comes a year of angst and uncertainty for freshman girls who are following their mom's advice and "feeling school out before making a commitment." There are a myriad of questions that come with the wait until the next recruitment cycle, namely, what will it be like rushing as a sophomore? UTB talks with various members of greek life to get their take.
(01/22/23 4:12pm)
We’ve all been there. Your mom/roommate/professor approaches you and drops some seriously awful news. Her cat has feline leukemia. His lake house and puzzle collection were swept away in a mudslide. Your grandma has a UTI because she holds in her pee.
(01/17/23 2:55pm)
Sources report that HIST 1240, Scars: Impacts of the Cold War, just got way more intolerable. The conversations in this ten person seminar are dominated by pushy, reactionist college sophomore Aaron Smith. Things are taking a turn. Smith, known for butting into conversations with "just to play devils advocate" followed by something wildly insensitive, just came up with a new slogan. "I don't wanna yuck someone's yum."
(11/21/22 11:00am)
After waiting two hours for an eyedropper-sized bottle of perfume and the Glossier "experience," college sophomore Elaine Miller was devastated Tuesday afternoon. She missed her STAT-1010 midterm.
(11/10/22 5:23pm)
Students were shocked last Saturday morning when they realized that the hand sanitizer dispensed in the Commons dinning hall had a slippery, sticky consistency.
(11/17/22 5:19pm)
Yikes. Your mom just sent you a text:
(11/22/22 7:02pm)
It started with an innocent conversation. We were chatting about old-timey paintings. You know, how people just looked like they were from the 1600s back then.
(11/09/22 2:50pm)
After subsisting off Grommen's caprese sandwiches and six hours of sleep for the past eight weeks, my body is reduced to primordial soup. I am just a sack full of organic compounds sloshing around. Not even a mitochondria in sight.
(11/07/22 4:23pm)
We have all been there. You see an athlete approaching, and you try and use every context clue to figure out what sport she plays. Tall or short? Ponytailed or French braided? On foot or scooter? There is a myriad of sports she could play, as she gets closer you squint at her shirt. It comes into focus. Penn Athletics… basketball!
(11/08/22 3:46pm)
College Sophomore Maddison Schmitt was studying 1600 in the Weigle Information Commons in VP when she heard something familiar.
(11/01/22 3:08pm)
What was that taste? Tangy? Metallic? The first sip of my black tea tasted a little... mauvais. I didn’t do anything different. I used the same electric kettle, the same black tea packets I take from Commons by the handful. In fact, I haven’t cleaned my kettle since September.
(11/14/22 6:00pm)
Last Thursday, Annenberg School of Communications junior Madeline Roberts took off her mint Fjallraven and sat down with UTB to discuss her viral TikTok. The TikTok, which features Roberts signing to a snippet of Taylor Swift’s Need to Calm Down, garnered 10K likes.