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Epic Fail! Mentioning Circumcision Protest to My Mom Leads to Long Lecture About How if I Had a Penis I’d Be Uncut

(03/02/23 6:59pm)

In an attempt to make conversation with my mom on our weekly phone call, I brought up the recent circumcision protest on campus. That's right. These guys weren't shouting religious epithets like the usual rotation of protester on College Green. These dudes were marching in cowboy hats and white jeans with a "blood stain" on their groins.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2023/03/epic-fail-circumcision-protest-mom-long-lecture-penis-uncut

Stupid Bitch! Rushing as a Sophomore Is Actually Super Fun and Will Not Make You Feel Lonely and Left Out!

(02/16/23 6:22am)

It's February, which means sorority rush season has come to a close. With that comes a year of angst and uncertainty for freshman girls who are following their mom's advice and "feeling school out before making a commitment." There are a myriad of questions that come with the wait until the next recruitment cycle, namely, what will it be like rushing as a sophomore? UTB talks with various members of greek life to get their take.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2023/02/stupid-bitch-rushing-as-a-sophomore-is-actually-super-fun-and-will-not-make-you-feel-lonely-and-left-out

10 Alternates to “You’re In My Prayers” for Atheists Confronting Terrible News

(01/22/23 4:12pm)

We’ve all been there. Your mom/roommate/professor approaches you and drops some seriously awful news. Her cat has feline leukemia. His lake house and puzzle collection were swept away in a mudslide. Your grandma has a UTI because she holds in her pee.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2023/01/10-alternates-to-youre-in-my-prayers-for-atheists-confronting-terrible-news

"I Don’t Wanna Yuck Someone’s Yum": Devil's Advocate Guy Picks Up New Signature Saying

(01/17/23 2:55pm)

Sources report that HIST 1240, Scars: Impacts of the Cold War, just got way more intolerable. The conversations in this ten person seminar are dominated by pushy, reactionist college sophomore Aaron Smith. Things are taking a turn. Smith, known for butting into conversations with "just to play devils advocate" followed by something wildly insensitive, just came up with a new slogan. "I don't wanna yuck someone's yum."

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2023/01/i-dont-wanna-yuck-someones-yum-devils-advocate-guy-picks-up-new-signature-saying-aod

Sophomore Misses Midterm to Wait in Line for 1.5 Oz of Glossier You Eau de Parfum

(11/21/22 11:00am)

After waiting two hours for an eyedropper-sized bottle of perfume and the Glossier "experience," college sophomore Elaine Miller was devastated Tuesday afternoon. She missed her STAT-1010 midterm.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2022/11/sophomore-misses-midterm-to-wait-in-line-for-1-5-oz-of-glossier-you-eau-de-parfum

Pranked Again! Quake Puts Lube in Dinning Hall Hand Sanitizer Dispensers

(11/10/22 5:23pm)

Students were shocked last Saturday morning when they realized that the hand sanitizer dispensed in the Commons dinning hall had a slippery, sticky consistency.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2022/11/pranked-again-quake-puts-lube-in-dinning-hall-hand-sanitizer-dispensers

Erm, Why Does Your Childhood Friend Have a Two-Year-Old and You Don’t Even Have Your Bachelors

(11/17/22 5:19pm)

Yikes. Your mom just sent you a text:

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2022/11/erm-why-does-your-childhood-friend-have-a-two-year-old-and-you-dont-even-have-your-bachelors

Happy Thanksgiving! My Friend Told Me I Have the Facial Structure of Goody Proctor

(11/22/22 7:02pm)

It started with an innocent conversation. We were chatting about old-timey paintings. You know, how people just looked like they were from the 1600s back then.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2022/11/happy-thanksgiving-my-friend-told-me-i-have-the-facial-structure-of-goody-proctor

After Two Months of College My Body Consists of Primordial Soup

(11/09/22 2:50pm)

After subsisting off Grommen's caprese sandwiches and six hours of sleep for the past eight weeks, my body is reduced to primordial soup. I am just a sack full of organic compounds sloshing around. Not even a mitochondria in sight.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2022/11/after-two-months-of-college-my-body-consists-of-primordial-soup

I’m Just Trying to Figure Out What Sport You Play, Not Look at Your Boobs

(11/07/22 4:23pm)

We have all been there. You see an athlete approaching, and you try and use every context clue to figure out what sport she plays. Tall or short? Ponytailed or French braided? On foot or scooter? There is a myriad of sports she could play, as she gets closer you squint at her shirt. It comes into focus. Penn Athletics… basketball!

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2022/11/im-just-trying-to-figure-out-what-sport-you-play-not-look-at-your-boobs-aod

Eavesdropping on Writing Sem Brings Sophomore Tears of Nostalgia

(11/08/22 3:46pm)

College Sophomore Maddison Schmitt was studying 1600 in the Weigle Information Commons in VP when she heard something familiar.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2022/11/eavesdropping-on-writing-sem-bring-sophomore-tears-of-nostalgia-aod

I Lived It: My Roommate Boiled Her Menstrual Cup in My Electric Kettle

(11/01/22 3:08pm)

What was that taste? Tangy? Metallic? The first sip of my black tea tasted a little... mauvais. I didn’t do anything different. I used the same electric kettle, the same black tea packets I take from Commons by the handful. In fact, I haven’t cleaned my kettle since September.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2022/11/i-lived-it-my-roommate-boiled-her-menstrual-cup-in-my-electric-kettle

Good for Her? Girl Who Won't Stop Talking About ASL Knows 2 Signs, the ABCs, and Not One Deaf Person

(11/14/22 6:00pm)

Last Thursday, Annenberg School of Communications junior Madeline Roberts took off her mint Fjallraven and sat down with UTB to discuss her viral TikTok. The TikTok, which features Roberts signing to a snippet of Taylor Swift’s Need to Calm Down, garnered 10K likes.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2022/11/girl-stop-talking-asl-doesnt-know-deaf

Take Your Mind off of Academic Woes! Browse These Fall-Fun-Photos of Amy G’s Warm Toned Midcentury Princeton Home on Zillow

(10/18/22 4:14pm)

Nestled in the nice part of Princeton suburbs, Amy G’s 1.7 million dollar 5 bed 4 bath is the fall getaway you want to get lost in. Everything about this house says I was the longest serving president in Penn history. Doesn’t seeing the ice on her pool cover just make you want to head inside with a cup of hot apple cider and forget about your pending ECON midterm grade?

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2022/10/amy-gutmann-fall-home-princeton

Guy That Seemed Super Mysterious Turned Out to Have Just Grown up Mormon

(09/29/22 10:00am)

“He seemed like your run of the mill PPE major — but without the character flaws,” said CAS junior Maya Brown as she stared down at her Stommons cold brew.

https://www.underthebutton.com/article/2022/09/mysterious-guy-actually-mormon-utah-family

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