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(03/14/20 6:07pm)
Following university mandates that students leave campus and return to their hometowns, Natasha Greenfield (C ’21) realized that she had been practicing CDC guidelines requiring social distancing for years. Specifically, Greenfield found that she had been isolating herself in quarantine-like conditions every time she entered a six-mile radius of her hometown of Alexandria, Virginia.
(03/04/20 5:00am)
Like generations of writers before her, Kaylee Parsons (C ’22), a contributor for the online publication The Odyssey Online is making her mark within the literary canon. Just like the writers of classical epics, Parsons understands the importance of creative expression in contemporary society.
(03/31/20 5:05pm)
Following nationwide efforts to appeal to people who wear clogs, the local CVS/pharmacy on 40th and Walnut Street has rebranded as 'Ye Olde Apothecarie Shoppe.' In addition to the name change on the facade, the pharmacy/drug store/safe space will stock the shelves with products that reflect the company’s commitment to its new identity.
(02/26/20 5:00am)
Last Tuesday in Introduction to Linguistics, Professor Mark Chowdry noticed the entire class fell silent when he asked a question not covered in the Wikipedia summary. In a class lecture on syntax trees, Chowdry decided to open up the discussion to the rest of the class.
(02/17/20 5:00am)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Well, it might be time to rethink the premise of that philosophical inquiry. A bag from The Fresh Grocer has transcended expectations and defied typecasting. After fulfilling its initial role — transporting two cans of soup, a carton of oat milk, and a bunch of grapes approximately four blocks — the polyethylene bag was repurposed as a trashcan liner in the bathroom of a neighborhood apartment.
(02/18/20 6:08am)
Hey there! Quick update. I’m actually taking a break from social media. Well, not just social media. All forms of outside contact, actually. I won’t be checking my texts — I’ve gone off the grid. Why? That’s a good question. It’s because I am taking a long sensual bath in the Kelly Writers House bathroom. That’s right, the one on the second floor. Where the bathtub is.
(02/05/20 5:31pm)
Jazz&Grooves, the division of SPEC that endeavors to introduce students to up-and-coming musical talents, is desperate to find a replacement act for their upcoming event. The concert, scheduled to take place this Thursday at the Rotunda, was supposed to feature the genre-defying duo 100 gecs as its principal act. Now, however, insiders are reporting that due to some unforeseen challenges with travel, seven of the gecs have gone missing.
(02/06/20 5:00am)
Hey, it’s me. The random adult in your class. I’m older than you—like, waaay older. I give knowing looks to the professor because you all are mere toddlers compared to us. I have some quirky hobbies, and I might even have a life partner, two cats, and a little one on the way.
(02/04/20 6:27am)
In a surprising development, sources tell Under the Button that Anita Moffit (C’ 22), who organizes her daily agenda according to the Bullet Journal Method, is actually a freak in bed. While arranging her Tombow dual brush pens — one of her favorite writing implements — in alphabetical order, Moffit explained how she stays on top of her assignments and extracurriculars by adopting a color-coded system to outline each waking hour of the day.
(01/28/20 5:48am)
I know there are a lot of things going on right now in the world, but can we please, as a community, spare a brief moment to discuss the presence of an ornate chandelier in the vestibule of Allegro’s?
(01/29/20 5:00am)
Look at you entering polite society! You might be dressed in sweats and sporting unwashed hair, but as you descend the staircase into the forum of Huntsman Hall, you, too, can partake in antiquated patriarchal rites of passage.
(01/14/20 6:37pm)
Panhellenic recruitment is underway this week, meaning that hundreds of hopeful freshmen are vying for membership in one of Penn’s eight on-campus sororities. Over the course of the week, members of sororities will meet and judge the masses according to how well women fit into their sororities’ target standards, which are neither arbitrary nor superficial.
(12/12/19 4:14am)
Around the holidays, Grandma has a lot of questions. She wants to know how school is going, if you’ve been eating well, and if you agree that the guy who keeps winning Jeopardy is a “total catch.” And every night when 9 p.m. rolls around, she wants to know why your phone alarm is going off.
(11/26/19 4:39am)
Sydney Gelman sits on a mint green loveseat in her above-ground bunker apartment. Sipping on a Diet Coke, she looks around the apartment with disdain and calls it a “windowless asylum.” Gelman, a writer for Under the Button dot com, has the dubious distinction of being the youngest on staff. She was born in late 2013, so she just recently celebrated her sixth birthday. I recently sat down with Gelman for some insight into how she does it all.
(11/22/19 2:06pm)
According to recent reports, Kelsey Ku (C ’21) has been feeling a bit adventurous lately. “I really just want to get out of my comfort zone and try something new,” she said. “Like, for example, I really want to try shrooms.”
(11/19/19 3:36am)
Despite recent reports that the University of Pennsylvania is ranked as one of the best universities globally, news broke this week that Penn freshman Blair Chuffman is depressed.
(11/14/19 4:35pm)
Pedestrians, scooterists, and motorists, beware! The potholes on Spruce have gotten so bad that we bet you can’t tell the difference between broken pavement and the circular depression made on a planet or moon formed by the hypervelocity impact of a smaller body.
(11/10/19 4:37pm)
The winter season can be especially tough for dealing with body image — there’s the constant influx of holiday foods, an overload of social obligations, and the stress of family gatherings, just to name a few. But this year, take one thing off your (metaphorical) plate by ditching the scale. Take out the batteries, throw it out the window, take a hammer to it!
(11/07/19 2:19pm)
I don’t know much about Penn’s athletics, but I do know that student-athletes are not only students but also they’re athletes. This duality means that they do physical exercise on a regular basis in addition to studying. Logically, then, one might assume that student-athletes are in good shape.
(11/04/19 3:33pm)
I refuse to use Penn’s online career services platform Handshake. That’s because I’m done subjecting my immune system to this germ-filled environment. Handshake calls itself “the largest career community for students and recent grads.” Well, do you know where diseases spread? That’s right — communities. And do you know how they spread? Physical touch (i.e. Handshake).