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College junior Tyler Schmidt and his therapy dog, Barney, were inseparable. Schmidt, who suffers from general anxiety, has relied on Barney for emotional support throughout his three years at Penn. At least he did until he discovered Xanax, the palindromic solution to all his woes and worries.
College senior Tommy Anderson just got a podcast, and you’re gonna fucking listen to it. Following the lead of all of his other white male friends, Tommy bought a couple Roland microphones, turning his normally filthy apartment into a state-of-the-art DIY podcasting studio.
Despite his family’s pleas for Dave McMenamin (C ‘20) to come home to a house stocked with plenty of food, medicine, and disinfectant, Dave has insisted he stay with his brothers from Phi Kappa Delta.
After a tumultuous past few months, Penn’s newest mob-run nightclub is back and more west and more down than ever.
After careful deliberation, UTB has reached consensus: fried chicken icon Colonel Sanders is the best candidate to defeat Donald Trump in the 2020 election.
A young fundraising entrepreneur has taken to Locust Walk in order to raise money to cure his coronavirus.
Dr. Shmuli Rabinowitz’s new course, The Jewish Diaspora For the 80 Millionth Time, is being graded mostly on exams, but more than a little on chutzpah.
Joseph Elston talks to the future leaders of Penn's Panhellenic societies.
The Mask and Wig Club, a private club in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, founded in 1889, is the oldest all-male collegiate musical comedy troupe in the United States. Here is an inside look into the minds behind the production.
My morning starts the same way as most. I exit my hyperbaric sleeping chamber and slip my purple crocs on. Then of course I check my phone. If I have less than six notifications, it’s either 7 a.m. or all my friends hate me.
Lame-o kablame-o alert. This freshman’s cover photo isn’t even promoting anything.
Unequivocally, my favorite place to study on campus is Perry World House. Beyond its heavy doors lie countless rooms with tables and chairs. That is not even to mention the numerous flat screen TVs that display on loop the various events that take place in Perry.
After a recent multi-million dollar donation by James Politics, PPE is getting a major name change.
Wheezing and coughing, I walked into 3535 Market hoping to get a quick diagnosis and some free lozenges. Instead, I encountered a series of chairs.
Tom Henderson (C ‘21) couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw the third cockroach in just one week in his kitchen. He had worked so hard to keep the place clean, yet all of that was for naught. So he did the only reasonable thing anyone could do in his situation. He introduced spiders.
Last Friday, the History Department revealed plans to rebrand for next semester. Following in the footsteps of the History Channel, the department is moving away from the study of white, European men to a purely ancient alien focus.
Bow down to me mere mortals. For I destroyed Bobby’s Burger Palace and I killed your king, Bobby Flay.
So, last week I saw a sign for free matzah ball soup, the national past time of my people, outside the Locust Walk Sukkah and decided to indulge myself. It’d been years since I had a good ladle of the stuff. Free soup, and all I had to do was walk into some rickety tree shack? Count me in.
Penn is no longer well-endowed. After years of the university’s endowment growing gradually, in 2019, Penn’s endowment lost 6.5% of its girth.
Oh are my plumes of fumes bothering you? Sorry not sorry, cause this is my emotional support juul and I need it to function.