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These days, the pressure to conform is suffocating. Left and right we are bombarded to do this, try that, buy this — nothing is sacred. I’m tired of being asked to stray from my values. Compromising my integrity just to get a thrill is deadening, and I refuse to partake any longer. I’m saving divorce until marriage. Deal with it.
Following her May graduation from Penn, College senior Emily Holtman will be moving to New York City to follow her dreams. From sunrise to sunset, Holtman will wistfully walk the busy streets of Manhattan. Alone.
According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 is the year of the rat. With the new year upon us, the rats of Van Pelt Library have been celebrating nonstop. “I see them popping bottles, toasting to health, wealth, and good fortune. Those charismatic little fuckers,” said College junior Max Wilson.
This coming Tuesday, College junior Jared Sampson will officially withdraw from society to focus on his music. Sampson issued a formal statement to alert his friends, family, and classmates of his new life course:
It’s a Wednesday night and I’m drunk in the Pottruck pool. Just floating. Just thinking.
The Mask and Wig Club, a private club in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, founded in 1889, is the oldest all-male collegiate musical comedy troupe in the United States. Here is an inside look into the minds behind the production.
UTB Reporter Lauren Sorantino sat down with Julia Bell from Bloomers for yet another episode of UTB Coffee Chats, brought to you by Gia Pronto Kitchen.
It’s come to my attention that I’ll never be an antique bison. Try as I might, I am only a twenty-fifth of its size, far less stately than I once had hoped.
Jenna Rubinson (C ‘21) celebrated her 21st birthday this past Saturday. The day was filled with warm wishes by all her friends, peers, and nebulous ex-lovers. All felicitations, however, paled in comparison to that of her best friend, Ariana Goldman (C ‘21). The pair met freshman year in their PSYCH 001 recitation. “We both came in late with the same Starbucks order,” Rubinson said. “It was fate.”
“Three’s a crowd when it comes to two person costumes, you know?” Bethany Wilson (C ‘21) explained. It is a sunny October day in William’s Cafe, but Wilson’s stormy demeanor stands at odds with the ambience. Wilson is joined by Farah Consuelos (C ‘21). Both students are mainstays in the cafe, usually joined by Raquel Antonoff (C ‘21), who is uncharacteristically absent this afternoon.
Uh huh — you know what it is: PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka PennDhamaka.
Evan Du (W ‘21) was taken into custody by the IRS this past Tuesday. Du was arrested in the middle of FIJI’s fall date night on three felony counts of tax evasion, with over 10,000 dollars in unpaid taxes.
English major Martin Zang (C '23) spent his Saturday night as usual: alone in his bedroom, cloaked in a veil of oppressive sentimentality. Tasked to write a short fictional essay for his Introduction to Creative Writing class, Zang had no other choice than to explore the traumatic experiences of his past. “Great fiction is about truth,” Zang said.
It’s official — current U.S. President Donald Trump and tenured Penn Law Professor Amy Wax are neck-and-neck in their years long battle for most shameful public figure associated with the University of Pennsylvania.
Campus officials confirmed this morning that Penn’s heralded Locust Walk will henceforth be known as Locust Run.
Iconic, historic, a sight to behold — Notre Dame is a landmark never to be forgotten. The destruction of the famed cathedral has left a dark cloud over the citizens of Paris and broken hearts around the world.
I wouldn’t be the first to comment on Greek Life at Penn. 30% of Penn students are involved in a Greek organization. On-campus, off-campus — quite frankly, it doesn’t matter. Greek life is damaging this university. But drinking, pledging, and party culture have nothing to do with it. Greek life provides students with a network of friends and acquaintances, and that is wrong. The cycle of companionship needs to be stopped, because I don’t need it.
In today’s social and political climate, it feels like nothing is guaranteed. At Penn, there are students from every state and over 100 countries. There are students who live on-campus, and students who live off-campus. There are students who walk, bike, and scooter. When you think about that, one thing is certain: We live in a society.
It is with my sincerest apologies that I write to you today. It has come to my attention that for the past 10 years, our writers and editors here at Under the Button have been fabricating stories and putting them into the public sphere.
Hey guys, Magic Gardens tickets just sold out in under 30 seconds — does anyone have one they would be willing to sell?