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(05/06/16 4:31pm)
There’s nothing worse than having a heartfelt goodbye with
someone after your last final only to see them wheeling their stuff out of the
Quad with their Mom three hours later. Do you say goodbye again? Do you just
wave? Do they want you to meet their Mom? Are you that level of friends?
(04/25/16 4:56pm)
Shocking new footage from MSNBC's weekend coverage shows that Wharton students may, in fact, have souls. Jacob Soboroff took to Huntsman to find out if a shared MGMT 100 experience makes Wharton students want to unironically throw on a "Make America Great Again" shirt.
(04/06/16 5:06pm)
As graduation and real life approaches, seniors are getting down to business on planning post-grad festivities. But what if you don't have time for a trip to the Mediterranean or a romp around Southeast Asia before your June 1 start date? Moreover, what if you're not selling your soul to a bank/consulting firm and don't have a signing bonus to blow? We've got some ideas.
(03/29/16 2:30pm)
For those who don't have a stressed out 17-year-old in their life to remind them, many college admissions decisions are being released this week, including dear old Penn's. This weekend, a man who appears to be Dean Furda was spotted kicking back while getting a pedicure after admitting what will inevitably be the most glorious, talented, diverse, driven, kind-hearted, cutthroat, passionate, nerdy, cool, nerdy-cool, spunky, punky, spelunky, qualified, and of course, exceptional, class in Penn's history.
(03/14/16 10:28pm)
Welcome back, Quakers! Got a case of post-Spring Break blues? Fend it off with a St. Paddy's day pint of Guinness and these events and shows:
(02/25/16 6:08pm)
Big Little Weeks are upon us, folks. That means our Facebook and Insta feeds are not only under siege from vicious lies that everyone's big is the best, but also classically posed lineage pics that represent the hierarchy of bigness. You know, when the big big big's head is above the big big's head, which is above the big's head, which is about the prized, precious little's shining aura.
(01/25/16 8:00pm)
(1/1) "Nothing reminds you that everything is ephemeral like being made of frozen water. Like by the time someone see this photo of me, I could be gone. It's morbid, man. But I realized when I was young, about four hours ago, that I could either despair about the fact that I'll be gone soon or I could just carpe diem, you know? So I'm trying to enjoy every moment. Like a few minutes ago, a kid slipped on the ice and I just laughed my brains out. I laughed so hard my head partially melted. That's what it means to live every moment to the fullest, I think."
(12/06/15 9:30pm)
Hannukah starts at sundown tonight. Alas, the Jewmans of Penn are inevitably huddled in VP carrels, missing their Bubbe's latkes. Even though this collusion between the lunar calendar and the Registrar's office may have robbed you of the opportunity to celebrate with the fam, UTB is giving you 8 ways to celebrate at Penn!
(11/15/15 8:05pm)
At least one zebra is still possibly on the loose in West Philly, galloping through the streets after it escaped a circus on 52nd street. In this state of emergency, we must prepare for what the zebra will potentially do when it reaches campus.
(11/15/15 7:49pm)
If you haven't already finished it, Aziz Ansari's new Netflix comedy is a pretty solid meditation on the New York millenial lifestyle. Take one part awkward sex from "Girls," one part buddy comedy plus a girl with bangs from "New Girl," and one part fairly legit commentary on racial discrimination in show biz and you have "Master of None."
(11/11/15 3:26pm)
As Big Man On Campus approaches tonight, it can be hard to remember that size isn't everything. Since it's not always about who can win over the crowd with a semi-clothed dance routine at the Roxxy, but rather who can look the most adorable when shrunk to the size of a squirrel's playmate, we've worked some Disney magic on this year's BMOC contenders. Ladies and gents, here are your 2015 Small Man on Campus contestants!
(11/08/15 4:33pm)
The frustratingly vague "Autumn 2015" season is apparently drawing near! Honeygrow will be holding a free tasting preview on Friday, November 13th, because apparently they DGAF about superstition. RSVP to snag a spot here and enjoy a free, peaceful salad before the inevitable bloody war with Sweetgreen begins.
(11/01/15 10:00pm)
The Ivy League Snapchat Story came barreling into our feeds last week, bringing cringe-worthy 7 second videos and many questions into our lives. Could EVERYONE see these? Obviously not. Exclusivity is everything. How long will this last? The answer appears to be forever. The deluge of Snaps has conviently taught us 8 things about the 8 Ivies:
(10/29/15 7:00pm)
It's officially Halloweekend and your new favorite feature has been festively spookified. When pondering where ghouls and goblins and ghosts and Gremlins (?) were most likely to lurk, there was only one obvious answer.
(10/24/15 3:28pm)
Family Weekend is afoot and it's a jungle out there, folks. From trying to hide your periodic binge drinking to possibly being forced to go to an actual football game, it's a wild weekend. UTB's Field Guide can help you make sense of the madness and identify the various species of family members roaming campus.
(10/22/15 8:00pm)
This week's installment of Most Depressing Places (catch up on Volume I and Volume II if you missed 'em!) takes us to an oft-overlooked nook and/or cranny of campus. To whoever placed this single table in front of Gourmet Grocer, just why?
(10/15/15 7:21pm)
If the first-ever Most Depressing Place was where desperate Quakers go to eat dry, soulless baked goods, this week's Most Depressing Place is where equally sad people go to attempt to work them off. These creepy little underground gyms in the Quad reek of shame and failed attempts to sweat off Wawa drunchies.
(10/09/15 7:54pm)
With a slew of midterms standing between a Quaker and Fall Break, the possibilities for those blissful four days seem limitless. One could travel the country, party all night, or just sit down and decide what to do with the rest of one's life. When Fall Break finally rolls around though, the possibilities are actually pretty finite. And for each year at Penn, it boils down to a few top things to do with your Fall Break.
(10/01/15 6:24pm)
Welcome to UTB's newest weekly feature, Most Depressing Places on Campus! We'll highlight the plethora of spots on our glorious campus to hit up when you want to feel dark and soulless.
(09/26/15 8:25pm)
Seriously, guys? He's a religious figure. There's a line, and it lies somewhere just beyond Photoshopping funny hats onto his holy head. If you clicked on this, you're probably damned. Do not get drunk for the Pope. There will literally be hundreds of thousands of grandmas there. Thank you.