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Early yesterday morning, Penn Presidential Professor of Practice Joe Biden finally put rumors to rest when he announced his bid for the presidency in the 2020 race.
Hey man, how are ya? Oh yeah? That's awesome. Glad to hear it. Uh-huh.
Greg Cardenas (C '20) may have just reached peak Pennovation.
With Penn's wellness initiative running full steam ahead, Chief Wellness Officer Benoit Dubé has rolled out the University's newest strategy to promote mental health. Starting next week, all calls to the CAPS hotline will automatically redirect to a promo for Season 3 of Queer Eye.
Spring Fling is upon us, and with it comes the annual controversy over the concert headliner. Last year, students were unpleasantly surprised to learn that the long-forgotten All-American Rejects would take center stage. The year before that, they were confounded by SPEC's choice of bygone EDM lord Zedd. And this year, people are no more stoked to shell out $35 to see Miguel.
Penn Transportation and Parking Services announced yesterday that a PennBus route traveling directly to and from Long Island, New York will be added within the next month.
Not a brag or anything, bro, but I've got huge balls.
In advance of SPEC's "Evening with Antoni Porowski" event this Friday, University officials have issued a warning of severe flash flooding in Irvine Auditorium and the surrounding areas.
Watch out, club member: you're in for a rough Sunday evening. Katie just arrived to exec board meeting with a fresh banana whip from Hip City Veg in tow, and, from the looks of it, she's got some things she needs to say.
In an exclusive interview with UTB last week, Penn President Amy Gutmann revealed that two beloved icons of the University were involved in an "intense" sexual relationship.
For people with penises, waking up in the morning with an erection is simply a part of everyday life. Scientists call this phenomenon "nocturnal penile tumescence," but we usually call it by its nickname: "morning wood."
Shoppers beware: Academy Award-nominated actor Timothée Chalamet is loitering in the produce section of the Fresh Grocer suspiciously close to the peaches once again.
As recently as last week, Lauren Jergen (C '21) was certain that her classmate Erika* was a total asshole. Understanding that Erika was both very well-spoken in class discussions and absurdly good-looking, Jergen naturally assumed that she must also be cold and disingenuous, because it simply wouldn't be fair any other way.
As a student majoring in an interdisciplinary field in the College, I'm a fan of the liberal arts ethos, which tells us to explore what academia has to offer, discover our passions, and become more enriched citizens with a complex, multifaceted worldview. But at a certain point, we must also consider the importance of knowledge that will help us function as members of society.
From Lizzo's "Juice" to Billie Eilish's "Bury a Friend," 2019 is shaping up to be a year full of bomb new tunes. But just two months into the year, music listeners everywhere (myself included) are ready to call it now: Lorde's debut single "Royals" is undoubtedly already the best song of 2019.
Oh, would you look at that...I posted a boomerang of me and my friend wearing hilarious matching outfits on my Instagram story, and I see that you viewed it. Well, the answer to the question you very clearly mean to ask is, yes: I will marry you.
A year and a half after the spectacular crash and burn of his joint venture, Fyre Festival, with Billy McFarland, rapper Ja Rule has come forward as the primary donor behind Penn's New College House West.
Whether it’s 1920 Commons or Hill, New College House or McClelland, let’s stop calling dining hall food "food."
Thursday works. See you then!
Hey there! It's me, the one sitting three carrels behind you. How are finals treating you, bro? Not so good, huh? Yeah, I could kind of tell. Sounds like you're having a bit of a mental breakdown over there!