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FUCK! Not Again! I Dropped Another Fully-Cooked Lasagna Behind the Fridge

(09/22/21 7:04pm)

I took the pan filled with lasagna goodness out of the oven with rags draped over the handles. But the damn rag was too damn thin, and my fingers started to feel hot. And then very hot. And then I screamed and yelped and swore and pushed the pan away from me. It hit the counter, making a thonking sound like a cranium on a table. Then it slid across the counter slotted perfectly in the gap between the wall and the refrigerator. The lasagna slid slowly down the gap, spreading its gooey goodness all over the wall, until it finally slid to the bottom and rested on top of its compatriot that I had dropped in the same manner the week before. 

Penn, Do Better: Fisher-Bennett East Stairs Violate OSHA 1910.29(b)(1)

(09/13/21 3:08am)

To ensure that people are safe at work, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration regulates the height of the guardrails on elevated walking surfaces. As I was walking by the staircase in Fisher-Bennett Hall, I noticed that the balconies seemed strangely short. Curious, I measured the height and found them to be about 33.5 inches. 

Save Time With Internship Applications By Sending Your Resume Straight to the Trash

(04/28/21 6:42pm)

With the semester almost over, Penn students are on the final sprint to send out as many applications as possible to try to net a summer internship. From big-name companies like McKinsey and Tesla, down to random unknown start-ups, Penn students are desperate to get mentally and physically exploited for low pay and experience. 

Penn Introduces Summer Stay, Graduation Stay: You're Staying Here Forever

(03/15/21 1:17am)

First you stay here for spring break and labor tirelessly studying for your fifty-four midterms next week. Then you stay here for the summer, slaving away in some obscure lab researching things you don’t understand. And then after that, you think you are free as you walk across the stage and they hand you a shiny piece of paper. 

McDonald's Flag is Always at Half Mast Because They Don't Have Anyone Tall Enough To Put It at Full

(03/05/21 5:49pm)

Keen-eyed passerbyers will note that the McDonald’s on Walnut and 40th always has its American flag at half mast. Symbolically, flags flying at half-mast usually signify some sort of grieving, so this begs the question, what is McDonald’s constantly grieving about?

Penn Is Forcing Meal Plans on Sophomores So that Dining Workers Are Paid More, Right?

(04/01/21 4:00am)

 Penn recently announced that it would force sophomores in the 2021-2022 school year to purchase meal plans. Generally, this decision has angered many sophomores, calling it a “blatant cash grab”. However, before we judge the school for grabbing money from children, we must understand the university’s motives.