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(09/21/15 12:59am)
Skimmerfest, the Holy Festival of Free Stuff that is allegedly related to supporting sports teams, will be bringing AlunaGeorge to Penn Park on October 3rd. In terms of Penn Park performances, the electronic duo probably fall somewhere between John Legend and this hot mess. Alas, it's completely free and there will be food. You know you like it.
(09/17/15 11:47pm)
Happy Constitution Day, Quakers! As if a whole day to celebrate the supreme law of the land wasn't sweet enough, this professional Ben Franklin has been expertly marketing himself to random campus club e-mails with his mastery of Comic Sans and self-designation as the "freshest" Franklin, encouraging us to make a real celebration out of the day.
(09/17/15 4:39pm)
Betches, rejoice (part 2)! Beefsteak, basically the Chipotle of just vegetables, is coming to Penn. With dishes such as the "Frida Kale" vegetable bowl and the "Beefsteak Burger" (literally just a tomato on a bun, lol), the DC chain is sure to win the hearts of calorie-conscious Quakers.
(08/28/15 5:09pm)
The rumors are true. On a soon but yet to be disclosed date, Allegro will be opening their doors to the drunk/sad/hungover/stressed/just plain hungry for all of the hours. That's right: our beloved pizza joint (Zesto has yet to earn such a dear place in our hearts) will be open 24/7.
(07/27/15 2:00pm)
Donald Trump, inspirer of cats everywhere, went to Wharton. In the past, this was merely an entertaining fact/skeleton in the closet. It was hidden away in the depths of our history with Ben Franklin's prostitutes and the fact that Penn students used to literally fight to the death over a bowl. It was a fact only trudged out during past threats of a Presidential run and perhaps some unwatched episodes of The Apprentice.
(07/22/15 3:57pm)
While students have been away, a lot of crazy stuff has been going down at Penn – including a Penn prof nabbing an NIH grant to study what your tweets say about your heart health.
(06/23/15 3:08pm)
Ah, another story of a kid who got into a million schools. While we really wish that news outlets would stop drooling over accomplished 17-year-olds and focus on the issues of our time, UTB doesn't get to run the media. But we do get to pat ourselves on the collective backs because this chick got into a billion schools and chose Penn.
(05/09/15 3:54pm)
As the ridiculously long 10 days of Finals approach their conclusion, friends leave campus, posting painful "Done with junior year!" statuses in their wake. The emotional support of loved ones falls away, but the emotional support of Buffalo Chicken Salad GrubHub-ed to your personal Huntsman hellhole holds strong.
(04/26/15 10:23pm)
If you've been admiring the fine athletic specimens jogging around campus over the last few days, you're not alone. According to this ancient depiction, Ben also ogled Relayers back in the day (from the grave, as the Relays started 105 years after his death). While they might be a little less homoerotic than the scene here, the Penn Relays are actually a huge deal, but alas – if you're reading this, it's too late, as yesterday was your last day to head down to Franklin Field and check out some butts!
(04/21/15 3:53pm)
All 17 student groups who used the Kygo logo! Everyone's a winner!
(04/16/15 5:24pm)
Betches, rejoice! Honeygrow is coming to Penn. The fast-casual restaurant known for its salads, stir-fry, and "honey bar" fruit cups will be strategically located right next to Pottruck.
(04/09/15 4:38pm)
Looking for some place to stay this summer? Check out this Craiglist post a tipster found in which two Quakers express hopes of finding "clean, courteous" randos with "similar values" to live in their apartment for the summer. It's a doozy.
(04/06/15 3:49pm)
SPEC is making up for the anarchy that was Ke$ha floor pass distribution by bringing the only speaker who may actually be able to cure our post-Fling blues, the adorable Ellie Kemper. As we finally emerge from a cloud of glitter and regret on the Tuesday after Fling, Kemper aka Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt will be speaking at Penn about her life journey from St. Louis, to Princeton, to her roles as a Dunder Mifflin secretary and a Netflix star.
(04/04/15 4:39pm)
Although Ben Franklin likely disapproved of the hurried Israelis scurrying out of Egypt without even leaving the time for their bread to rise ("haste makes waste," after all), it's nice to see that he bears no grudge towards Passover! The big man himself started celebrating earlier this week with matzah, more than likely while regaling students with tales of his own ten plagues (aka ten French prostitutes).
(03/25/15 10:02pm)
As Penn faces another round of UA elections, UTB took to the UA debates to report on the pulse of the student body. The air was tense as the candidates prepped for the crowds of voters waiting to see them face off during the final debate for UA President and Vice President for 2015. The time had come for the student body to decide. The consequences would be crucial. Who would win the hearts and minds of Quakers willing to ask the hard questions?
(03/19/15 6:39pm)
On the spectrum of campus farewells we've endured this semester, Radio Shack evokes a solid "meh." While we may have only realized that there was a Radio Shack on 40th on a deeply subconscious level, we'll now be left without a convenient place to buy transistor radios, walkie talkies, etc. On the upside, Radio Shack does actually sell some 21st century technology that is now a whopping 70% off. UTB can't pass up a good deal, so we dug through the depressing liquidation sale to find some true treasures.
(03/01/15 8:53pm)
Scenes that would have induced a deluge of #winterwonderland instas just two months ago now evoke pure rage in our hearts and minds. Not only does this endless snow/hail nonsense create a never-ending slipperiness that endangers us, but it also has decided to fall only on weekends when it has absolutely no chance of preventing professors from making it to class from the 'burbs. F*** It February might be over, but the sentiment lives on for another day. We're over you, wintry mix. We're off to PV.
(03/01/15 6:59pm)
Read about more past Random Dudes here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. And now, for our Eighth edition of talking to our drunken comrades late on a Thursday night:
(02/24/15 7:25pm)
As if we weren't freaked out about applying for internships already, Hill really went for it with this possibly BDSM-themed résumé workshop. Maybe Anastasia should have opted for "new adventures on Capitol Hill, the Wall Street, bay area...you name it," (unclear if we want this person editing our cover letters) instead of a lame internship in Christian Grey's sex dungeon (we can't all get Goldman). Anyway, thanks for sexily trying to save us from a summer spent on our parents' couch, Hill.
(02/20/15 4:34pm)
After the barrage of Flyperlative winners last week, more flyerers took on the blustery cold and competition from boisterous vaginas on Locust this week to market their un-missable weekend events. Here, they face off for the ultimate reward – a UTB Flyperlative.