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(07/23/21 10:29pm)
While Gutmann has made many important contributions to Penn, one of her most significant failures was her refusal to address the skyrocketing prices of recreational ketamine at the university and the greater Philadelphia community.
(07/27/21 7:54pm)
Quake Magazine has announced that they will be pivoting from highlighting “bodies, relationships, sex, and love of all kinds through an inclusive, artful space” to exclusively showcasing furry porn starting this fall.
(07/30/21 5:05pm)
The Board of Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania has just announced Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, as the new president of the University, replacing Amy Gutmann after her final term.
(07/14/21 5:05pm)
Hey gays! It’s July, and that means the attention is off of us for a while. July is actually the month of straight pride (4th of July), so it might be worthwhile to take up some hobbies while you wait for the limelight again.
(07/13/21 2:00pm)
On June 1, the UPenn Association of Bottoms gathered outside White Dog Cafe in University City to protest the restaurant’s “bottomless brunch” option.
(07/12/21 4:54pm)
Listen. I'm sure there's news today. But not everything needs a huge detailed explanation. I don't care what's going on in the world. Use context clues to figure it out. Do your own research. I don't get paid to write here, and honestly, I'm getting sick of everyone always asking me to report on things that I don't care about.
(07/08/21 3:05pm)
Hey, it’s me, @jacksonjabbers from Twitter. I noticed you aren’t retweeting me yet. I write for Under the Button, which makes me funny, but in a casual Twitter way, and not in an overbearing way. As a part of the Penn Twitter community, I believe it is my right as an Under the Button writer to receive praise for my “great Twitter,” where I tweet things like “I have to be the sexiest girl in 1920 commons” or “time to engage with lip gloss discourse.” Since I’m gay, I also get to tweet about poppers and Mitski as a bonus.
(07/03/21 9:45pm)
Hear ye, hear ye! The time has come for the United States of Under the Button to declare independence from Great Daily Pennsylvanian. Too long have we been taxed without representation. Too long has Great Daily Pennsylvanian forced us to remove our teeth and replace them with rotting wooden teeth. Too long have we been forced to wear horse costumes while DP editors in colonial garb flog us for galloping too slowly.
(07/03/21 9:06pm)
Whether it's barbecuing, swimming at the beach, or just throwing a frisbee around with Pop-Pop, the Fourth of July is a great holiday to spend with friends and family. However, it's essential to remember that this holiday is brought to us by the men and women who bravely fought to protect our country. Here are 8 Ways to exercise your freedoms this 4th, brought to you by HBO Max.
(06/20/21 2:04pm)
The top 3 signs that you is Daddy
(06/17/21 1:41pm)
Get ready to gobble and slurp your Daddy's cummies at the Falk Kosher Dining Hall located in Hillel this fall! As part of the Jewish Renaissance Project at Penn, Rabbi Ezekiel has certified that your Daddy's cummies are glatt kosher, and Rachel Rosenberg, famed Jewish slut from your freshman hall, could not be happier.
(06/12/21 7:48pm)
Is Bo Burnham God's gift to comedy? According to Jacob from your writing seminar, that answer is a resounding "yes." After viewing Burnham's recent comedy special for Netflix, Jacob posted a very lengthy Instagram post about how "important" the special was.
(06/01/21 8:45pm)
Penn Closet announced this week that in honor of pride month in June, they will be rebranding as “Penn Come out of the Closet.”
(06/01/21 3:28pm)
Penn announced this week that they will be adding restrictions to the Campus Compact in anticipation of the fall semester. After Amy Gutmann's recent viewing of Footloose (1984), where she sympathized with the strong town leader, Reverend Shaw Moore, and her subsequent conversion to Christianity, she updated the Compact to reflect the rules upheld in Elmore City: no dancing and absolutely no rock-and-roll music.
(06/07/21 6:36pm)
After years of the continued theft of literally nothing by students, Van Pelt Library staff announced this week that they would be partnering with Student Health Services to conduct rectal exams before students exit the library.
(06/07/21 6:28pm)
After 159 years of remaining an all-male performing group, the Penn Glee Club made history this year by finally integrating women and dancers and the frat brothers that sell you weed and Poles and do-gooders and freshmen that got fucked over in housing selection and God-fearers and more God-fearers and the people that are most likely to have weapons on campus and soon-to-be unemployed students and fat skanks into their historically TTBB choir.