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3 Tips From Club Penguin That Will Improve Your Sex Life

(02/22/20 7:23pm)

We all remember Club Penguin — the lighthearted, mass multiplayer online game that was a cornerstone of our childhoods. While the game may be a thing of the past for most, I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. The sensual, voiceless, man-sized penguin can actually teach us a lot about life, love, and most importantly, the bedroom. Here are three ways Club Penguin can spice up your sex life.

Hungover Student Has to Explain to Parents Why He Donated to Michael Bennet’s Campaign

(01/26/20 5:00am)

Jasper woke up Sunday morning with a slight headache, a dry mouth, two missed calls, and 12 text messages from his parents. He cursed. It happened again. He'd donated five dollars to Senator Michael Bennet’s presidential campaign. This time, he donated with the credit card his parents gave him for his  spring semester textbooks. Two more names pushing Michael Bennett closer to the Democratic debate stage, an Iowa victory, and his eventual nomination. 

Three Things You Can Do Instead of Greek Life

(12/10/19 7:11am)

It’s rushing season and many freshmen and sophomores are debating whether they should join Greek life. If you’re a guy there are a lot of upsides to joining a fraternity: the social connections, the parties, friends to cover up your sexual misconducts, etc. Similarly, sororities offer great excuses to get any tongue tattoos or stupid thing you want in the name of sisterhood. But I’m here to provide three alternatives to Greek life. 

Myth or Fact: White People Wear Shoes in Bed

(11/24/19 5:14pm)

My mother always told me that white people wear their shoes in bed. I never believed her until I came to college. I mean how could I? What sociopath would willingly bring their dirtiest piece of clothing into the sanctity of their white sheets? How could anyone bring the same shoes that have without a doubt stepped in half-chewed gum and dogshit into their bed? To my horror, I realized her stories were all too true.

Is She Asking Me out or Just Trying to Convert Me to Christianity

(11/06/19 4:04am)

She tucks her hair behind her ear and laughs. We’ve been studying for a while now, talking between problem sets. Smiling, she puts down her pen on her notebook and moves her eyes to meet mine. “Would you, maybe, like to go to church with me sometime?”  She says. “I think it could be really fun.”

OP-ED: Facebook’s Libra Is a Blatant Rip-Off of Dave and Buster’s Dollars

(10/26/19 5:35pm)

Mark Zuckerberg is no stranger to intellectually thievery. First he stole Facebook from the Winklevoss Twins, and now he is shamelessly trying stealing Dave and Buster Dollars from the hard working men and women of Philadelphia. The idea of a corporate currency that can be exchanged for goods? Been there, done that — Libra is just Dave and Buster Dollars with the Facebook logo. 

The Buddha Came Home from His Nepalese Gap Year and Won’t Shut up About Buddhism

(10/21/19 1:41pm)

After returning from his "life-changing" gap year in Nepal, Prince Siddhārtha Gautama won’t stop talking about Buddhism. Gautama decided to escape his hometown and spend a year in a rural Nepalese village after growing sick of privileged palace life. There, Gautama shaved his hippie locks, spent his time living with the locals, and truly understanding his responsibility as a global citizen.

Wharton Student Learns Friendship Is Okay After Professor Calls It 'Social Capital'

(10/13/19 3:17pm)

Seth Fisher’s (W '22) life changed forever after Economics Professor Gizem Saka called friendship a form of social capital. “Capital is any asset. There can be physical capital like machines, human capital like education, or social capital like friendships and connections,” Professor Saka said in her introduction lecture. 

Wharton Student Assures Employer That ‘Community Service Was a One-Time Mistake’

(10/08/19 7:52pm)

Wharton junior Natasha Parker recently issued a public apology to potential employers after a photo of her in high school serving soup at a food bank was leaked online. “I’d just like to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry to Goldman. I’m sorry to McKinsey. But most of all I’m sorry to Wharton for letting the institution down,” Natasha posted on her LinkedIn later that night. “This does not reflect on my character as a worker and was a one time mistake. This does not represent who I am.”