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In a stunning turn of events, current friends of College sophomore Paul Nowicki have discovered that every time their friend mentioned his ‘high school friends,’ he was in fact talking about his mother.
To the uptight library staff, all you nerds who love studying, and the doctor who says I have to learn how to control my body: Yes, I farted in the Fisher Fine Arts Library, and no, I’m not sorry. Not at all.
Worried about finals? Here are four study hacks you'll ignore because you won't stop procrastinating.
Wharton Junior Tyler Lang’s quest began the way most quests do: with a passion for helping others and an inexplicable urge to become obese. He decided last week to join the ranks of altruistic self-enlargement legends like Tom, the "Human Trash Can," and Bob, the guy who eats terminally ill dogs as a form of euthanasia.
Those of you who have been around Penn for a while know it’s not the most fair place. Legacy kids have a much higher chance of getting in, the meal swipe/dining dollar exchange rate is a ripoff, and people with green eyes are given a new boa constrictor for free every month.
Rachel Rajaratnam knew going into Thanksgiving that her grandfather wasn’t the most progressive person on the planet. He had been known to drop the occasional homophobic comment and, every so often, go on a rant about how Obama is a grasshopper, disguised as a human being, sent by Satan to ruin Christmas.
In an unexpected but exciting move, Penn Dining announced that it will be removing Dining Dollars as a payment option at restaurants and cafés on Penn’s campus. Instead, the currency will only be accepted at a few specific locations of the national diner-style restaurant chain Denny’s, at a conversion rate of one Dining Dollar to three US cents.
Most people are scared to speak up if it goes against the crowd. They agree with the masses and keep their opinions to themselves, even if they know they’re right.
Four classes is a nice course load. Many Penn students take five in a semester. Some real overachievers take six. But Engineering senior Ken Hooper has taken on EIGHT classes this fall -- and somehow still has a GPA of 0.4.
During halftime at the football game on Sunday, slices of bread coated Franklin Field track as Penn students participated in the age-old tradition of throwing toast. Most of the toast was your average grocery store white bread, but one slice stood out: a gorgeous, thick, fresh-out-of-the-oven piece of ciabatta.
I can’t say I’ve peed on the Benjamin Franklin statue at Penn, but I can say I’ve urinated on the Benjamin Franklin statue at Penn. Thank you, Miss Katie, for teaching me about using scientific language, even though I raised my dactylion at you so many times.
For most students, wearing school clothing is a sign of pride. When they don that classic collegiate sweatshirt, they’re showing to everyone who sees them how much they love their school, and how happy they are to be there.
Jacob
In a long overdue move, the state of Pennsylvania has officially designated pre-orientation program PennQuest as a cult.
Jacob Swartz (W ‘20) comes from a modest background. He was raised by a stay-at-home mother and a father with a partnership at a law firm. Swartz attended a $60,000-per-year private high school, and went on trips to international luxury resorts with his family four times a year. He felt secure about his family’s finances when living in a gated community where everyone had similar levels of wealth.
Religious Studies Professor Justin McDaniel is no stranger to unorthodox classes. Students know him best for Living Deliberately: Monks, Saints, and the Contemplative Life, a course where students must adopt the practices of monks for a month, as well as for the more recent Existential Despair, a class that meets every Tuesday for seven hours and gives no assignments outside of this time.
The University updated its housing policy yesterday to include a new rule that all pets are now allowed in dorms. The only caveat? You can’t want them there.
Freshman Joshua Pfeiffer is known to many as the most prolific Facebook poster they have ever encountered. At his peak, Pfeiffer averaged eight posts a day in the Class of 2021 group.