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(04/07/22 6:43pm)
Ah yes, the joys of second semester. The sweet bosom of spring shows us its gentle teet and gives us April rain as its milk. The warm, meaty scent of manure greeting our noses as we walk past the wondrous mulch on Locust. But most importantly, we welcome many loving and community-driven people (and yeah all of these people are super loving and community-driven literally not a single one of them isn't) to find their new sisters.
(03/17/22 3:43pm)
Love is in the air this spring, and sorority sister Megan Johnson is attesting to just that with her new boyfriend. After a whirlwind two week romance with her newest boy Pepe, Megan is ready to take the next step in their relationship - appealing to the academic board!
(02/17/22 3:54pm)
Let’s set the scene—it’s a Friday night, you and your gal pals are going out to a frat party after a long week of studying the brutal condition of humans, maybe a little dancing, maybe a little drinking, maybe a little petty theft. That’s right—petty theft. You read that correctly. It’s become an adamant part of my daily routine, and it’s about to become a part of yours, too.
(02/09/22 9:00am)
Many students were extremely disheartened following the University’s announcement almost two years ago that all sophomores will be required to live on campus now. Many argued that Penn was solely trying to “profit off of the fact that on campus housing is ridiculously expensive” and that “the new policy is forcing students to live in outdated buildings that flood,” but that’s not true! Penn actually cares about us so super duper much. So much, in fact, that they are now requiring on-campus housing for life! We get to live in West Philly for...ever!!!!!!!
(02/03/22 3:00pm)
Time and time again we have seen the overt sexism, prejudice, and womanizing behavior that plagues fraternity life nationwide. It is an issue across the country, and there are countless stories of the sexism faced by college women. However, things are different here at Penn. In fact, Penn fraternities have never ever had any instance of sexism literally ever. I am definitely not being held hostage in a frat house basement right now being forced to write this article. Wink wink. Someone please save me.
(01/31/22 9:39pm)
As the Penn community awaits Magill taking over Gutmann’s presidency, many have assumed that tensions between the two women are high. These people are sorely mistaken—the only thing getting high is them!
(01/26/22 5:00pm)
Everyone knows that the Quad is a key part of many students’ freshman experience, but why? Why do I have to suffer through a communal bathroom where I have seen not one but THREE different people have full frontal towel slips? Why do I have to live in a mold-infested shoe box that multiple squirrels have tried to break into?
(12/07/21 10:41pm)
The reason I am the strong, independent, beautiful, smart, humble woman I am today is for one reason, and one reason only - the validation I received due to the gold star sticker system of my preschool. Everyday, I would patiently wait for the teachers to announce who would receive stars that day. Could it be me? Did I, Margarita Matta, act respectfully and with grace during nap time? Did I clean up my space after going to absolute pound town on the cafeteria mac and cheese? Did I correctly count how many purple sheep were on the strangely psychedelic worksheet our teachers asked us to reference? The answer to all of these questions is yes.
(01/23/22 8:04pm)
Women. in. Wharton. What a powerful statement. What a poised, no-nonsense group of young professionals. They deserve more. They deserve everything Penn has to offer. They deserve justice.
(11/22/21 4:55pm)
Life as a white, straight, cisgender woman at an elite private university is hard. My fragile female mind can’t handle the stress of learning concepts in this progressive world that are so obviously meant for a man. No, I don’t understand why we can’t just print more money to solve the national debt. No, I don’t know how to change a car tire. No, I don’t understand what the fuck a supply shortage is and why it is causing the Starbucks on 40th and Walnut to be out of stock of the breakfast sandwich I eat every single day.
(11/23/21 5:08am)
Hey man! So glad you could make it out to the Chouse tonight. Yeah, me and the boys just finished playing some pong out back. Did you guys pre? Okay good. I crushed some Natty Lights earlier, no big deal. It’s going to be a rowdy night since our frat is obviously doing some sort of tropically themed party even though it’s almost wintertime!
(11/11/21 4:36pm)
According to an anonymous source, over the weekend Penn Freshman Ella Williams was caught lying about her age on a fake driver’s license. Williams, a New Jersey native, claims that she “didn't do anything wrong and this is stupid that I have to sit down and interview with you guys you aren't even a real publication," in an exclusive interview with Under the Button.
(11/10/21 3:03pm)
Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies, perhaps the most highly competitive and coveted major in the College of Arts and Sciences, has become infamous for its rigor, mathematical difficulty, and heavy time-commitment. On average, only about 20 students in each grade can handle the academic rigor and long hours of studying to successfully graduate with this major. The small percentage of the student body graduating with a Gender Studies major is no doubt due to it’s difficulty and not for any other reason at all...yeah...definitely not for any other reason...
(10/28/21 12:08am)
Need some last minute costume ideas? I've got you covered.
(10/20/21 3:09am)
The Wharton school of business has become a household name not only because of its ranking, but also due to the school’s numerous prestigious alumni such as former president Donald Trump, known for his work as a socialist leader in the Democratic party and tireless activism for civil rights and female empowerment.
(11/02/21 3:45pm)
After first setting eyes on Amy Gutmann, any Penn student will ask themselves the same question -- how the fuck does her skin look so fucking soft and she’s literally 70 fucking years old?! The answer might surprise you. President Gutmann has taken extreme measures to secure her youth and longevity, practices made infamous by none other than Lord Voldemort. Yes, that’s right, Amy Gutmann has 7 magical horcruxes splitting her soul and protecting her from death. Here is what I think they are:
(10/26/21 4:10pm)
It was a sight to see Monday afternoon after Amy Gutmann was spotted entering Spirit Halloween in Center City. Sources say she was shopping for an outfit for the popular German beer festival, "Oktoberfest." Gutmann, the University's current president, was recently appointed as the next United States ambassador to Germany, an honorable and esteemed position. In an effort to participate in German cultural practices, she will be attending Oktoberfest in Munich this coming fall. The festival is infamous for its long-standing tradition of partying and beer drinking, and this will actually be Gutmann’s 12th time in attendance. She is a self-proclaimed “beer aficionado” and has recently created a craft brew fittingly called "Beerjamin Franklin." These beers were sent in the Class of 2025 welcome packages and students were overwhelmed with appreciation.
(10/26/21 4:12pm)
Thursday was monumental for Penn Panhellenic as the fraternities unveiled a groundbreaking announcement. The brothers of every campus fraternity unanimously voted on creating a revolutionary new playlist on Spotify.
(09/30/21 4:26pm)
It was a deeply emotional Monday morning class for students in WRIT-001 when a fellow Penn student shared a haunting memoir about his deep connections to rapper Kendrick Lamar’s hit song, M.A.A.D. City. M.A.A.D. City is a commentary on Lamar’s life and the trauma he experienced growing up in Compton, California as a child. The Penn student, who wishes to remain anonymous, compared his own experience growing up in Greenwich, Connecticut to Lamar’s life story.