It's been a rough week and half on campus.
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It's been a rough week and half on campus.
It’s the end of the year and even the freshmen are jaded. It can be easy to lose your Quaker spirit when you’re scrambling to finish your dining dollars, making yourself (literally) sick on the food from Commons.
We are in the midst of reading days. Some people may go home, others might board a plane to the Bahamas. But the majority of us staying here have to ask ourselves a most difficult question: where to study? VP and Huntsman are always suffocatingly packed, so we decided to hash out an age-old, though slightly more unorthodox choice: Your Own Room.
The Daily Show is coming to Penn and you might get to watch it live.
Last Thursday, while we were out pre-gaming the 4 days of fling debauchery, one of our most esteemed alums was out in the world being productive. That’s right, on April 14th, John Legend and wife Chrissy Teigen welcomed their first daughter, Luna Simone Stephens. No pictures of the Class of ’38 ED applicant have been released yet, but we do know that she weighs 6 lb 11 oz and that her name was approved by the only other guy cooler than Legend: President Barack Obama.
Harvest recently joined Chipotle on the list of beloved yet germ-ridden eating establishments on campus, and we know how tough that's been for everyone. What is to be done? Do we just jump ship to Qdoba/City Tap? What of loyalty and second chances? It's a tough one, which is why we've laid out the most salient arguments here for you. Take heart and hang in there.
While the Christians were out hunting for eggs, and the rest of us were stealing chocolates from well-meaning evangelists, there was still one crusader out there, one dogged Bernie Bro who didn’t take the resurrection of Jesus as an excuse to stop his holy work.
Continuing our reportage of Snapchat news on campus – there’s finally a Huntsman geofilter! At long last, finance bros and wannabes alike can humblebrag about their all-nighters without trying to work “GSR” into a witty caption. And boy, look at that geofilter. The regular person might say it looks ungainly, but if you even hang at Huntsman, you’ll know better. Look at the arch of that Word Art and how it aligns elegantly with the building – that’s good design.
Phone at 1% and desperately need to snapchat the extra protein in your food? Penn’s gotchu. New all-purpose vending machines have been installed at Commons and McClelland for your convenience. You can buy phone cables, portable CHRGRs (no vowels so you know that ish is high tech), Advil and Free Range Turkey Jerky. It’s so sweet that the administration knows about our tech and turkey addictions. They even made it freshman-proof by using little severed hands to show them how a vending machine works.
Bring on the San Pellegrino ice cubes because everyone’s favorite business school just got burned. In a campaign rally last Friday, Senator Marco Rubio called Donald Trump out for his poor orthography, reading out tweets where he wrote that it was a “great honer” to receive good polling on the Republican debates and that Rubio was a “leightweight chocker.” The Florida senator then took things further, saying, “Number one, that’s how they spell those words at the Wharton School of Business, where he went, or number two, just like Trump Tower, he must have hired a foreign worker to do his own tweets.”
Van Pelt has always been depressing, but this dead mouse really brings it to a new low. If you’ve kept up with our regular tracking of the Mousies of UPENN (Ed. Note: This is a Facebook page waiting to happen...), you would know that our furry friends have been spotted frolicking in Steiny D, Joe’s Cafe, and various dining halls. This, however, is the first time we are reporting a casualty. Perhaps he was scurrying to USC for one of the swivel chairs with faux-ergonomic backrests? Or maybe he was headed to the toilet for a sniff of some mid-paper cocaine? In any case, this mouse was one of us. RIP little buddy.
Happy day #3 of Chinese New Year! For those who celebrate it, Chinese New Year is always a difficult time to spend away from home. CNY isn’t the same without beating a twerpy little cousin at mahjong, but nonetheless, we’ve come up with a few ways you can celebrate Spring Festival right here at Penn: