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(11/11/19 6:09pm)
Increasingly fed up with the entitled student body at the University of Pennsylvania, the coffee shop workers by day and political radicals by night native to the West Philly area have taken to retaliatory action. Laurel Brodsky (W '21) was making her way over to Milk and Honey to study for her accounting midterm when she was abruptly assailed by a bunch of alt-looking white dudes wearing rolled up beanies and smoking hand-rolled cigarettes.
(11/11/19 7:24pm)
After conducting extensive research on the matter, Professor Leinhardt has decided that laptops or any other form of technology will not be allowed in his class. Citing both increased levels of attentiveness and productivity, Leinhardt announced his policy at the beginning of the semester. However, Leinhardt has managed to overlook one important fact after adopting the policy: he is boring and unfuckable
(11/03/19 4:25pm)
Wednesday, October 30th was just like any other average day for Lindsay Stilkins (C’ 22). “I got up, brewed a cup of kombucha before I started my holistic wellness yoga regimen, showered, and headed out for class.” The rest of her day, however, was about to be anything but ordinary.
(11/05/19 3:59pm)
Today, I picked up a DP on Locust Walk. You know I was trying to avoid eye contact, but hey, the distribution person was kind of cute. Listen, we all make mistakes, and maybe I do want to be engaged with what's happening in my school’s community. Like, sure, I hate Penn. We all do. But I also like to be informed. Civic engagement is good.
(10/30/19 2:00pm)
College Sophomore Warren Brown returned to Penn this semester with a couple crazy black-out experiences, questionable sexual health practices, and a cynical outlook on life. Oh, you enjoyed Penn? He couldn’t relate.
(10/27/19 6:15pm)
After several confusing months and just a few stolen Starbucks cold brews, Penn has issued a statement saying the new, entirely self-checkout Marks Cafe has been a mass psychological trial on its student body. The purpose of which, Penn claimed, was to investigate its effect “on our already self-important, entitled student body.”
(10/22/19 4:45pm)
An intensifying climate crisis, structural inequality, and the ever-worrying reemergence of fascism. So many catastrophes, so little time — and I’m a pretty busy guy (just check my Google Calendar).
(10/20/19 4:34pm)
With fall break now behind us, students have had the past week to readjust to life at Penn. While some might have jetted off to exotic locales, Amy Gu (C ‘23) and her friends kept things simple with an excursion to the big city.
(10/13/19 3:09pm)
After years of being relentlessly mocked on the online forum Greekrank, it seems that Fiji has taken matters into its own hands. In an attempt to improve their digital reputation, the frat has turned to less than savory means: outsourcing content creation to an Internet troll factory in Ukraine.
(10/10/19 6:38pm)
As the semester begins to kick into full gear, students have been inundated with workloads that would make high schoolers rethink their decision of applying to Penn. Waking up earlier, going to bed later — it’s all beginning to exact its toll on their mental health. So, you know what Spencer from PSCI 116, nobody else cares that you already finished the essay.
(10/02/19 2:53pm)
Ah, the tell-tale signs of fall are upon us! Pumpkin patches, pumpkin spice lattes, basically anything with fucking pumpkins in it. Although the days might be growing shorter, the sunlight dimmer, and the leaves browner, something is a bit off about this fall season. It might be the fact that it’s October and still 85 degrees outside. You can’t even walk to class without people wondering whether you’ve gotten a new Glossier delivery or you just really sweat that much.