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(01/16/17 8:25pm)
Let’s face it: Penn Dining is not universally acclaimed. Despite efforts to improve through focus groups, some students still describe the options as "what?" or "yeah, I guess that's food." And for the steep price, some parents are left wanting more.
(01/13/17 8:52pm)
Rush is a stressful time for anyone seeking to validate their value as a human being, and it’s easy to get caught up in joining the “coolest” or “least-rapey” fraternities. However, many options exist beyond your run-of-the-mill, binge-drinking bro-brothels, so be sure to consider these lesser-known frats this week.
(12/12/16 9:11pm)
Due to significant backlash against the sudden font change in Canvas, Penn administration has decided to change the font once again—this time to Wingdings. The switch clearly provides Canvas with a more professional appearance, and Wingding's symbolic nature may facilitate communication with the sizable illiterate community at Penn.
(12/08/16 5:21pm)
If you can get through this video without tearing up, then you have no heart. A Penn fraternity brother (who shall remain anonymous) wanted to take the most special woman on campus, President Amy Gutmann, to his formal, so he created this heartfelt plea to win her heart. Can you say magical? Amy, please reach out to us if you want to know the identity of this young man.
(12/05/16 5:30pm)
Fresh off their collab with Chief Keef, the Shabbatones performed their show MilesTONES at the Penn Museum this past Saturday night. The Shabbatones are Penn’s only coed Jewish a capella group, because more would be absurd. The group, which performs a wide variety of music from pop songs in English to pop songs in Hebrew, was founded 15 years ago by singers who were tired of performing songs that the audience could understand.
(11/21/16 7:01pm)
You know what they say: we’re all just one stallion penis away from achieving our dreams.
(11/07/16 10:21pm)
I never thought it would happen to me.
(11/04/16 6:37pm)
Thanks to a history of reckless behavior by Penn students, there will be heightened security, including liquor enforcement, at the Penn-Princeton football game on Saturday, meaning if you want to cheer on the Quakers, you will have to do so fully conscious (which sucks).
(11/01/16 9:35pm)
Worried that you may be deported if Donald Trump is elected? Want to figure out if you're a true patriot and deserve a spot in the newly reformed Confederate States of America? Take this quiz!
(10/25/16 5:42pm)
In an appalling turn of events, University President Amy Gutmann’s compensation has plummeted 2.7 percent from last year, reducing her income from a comfortable $3,426,106 to a meager $3,333,878. That's a $92,228 difference. To put that in perspective, $92,228 dollars could purchase 92,228 one-dollar coffees at Wawa.
(10/17/16 9:46pm)
If you thought Veterinary school was all about tricking a stallion into ejaculating into a fake horse vagina, then wow, you were 100% right.