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Performance Art: I Choked on a Sandwich at Pret to Add to the Existing Chaos

(02/26/18 4:25pm)

You’ve been there. You’ve seen the idiots that stand in one huddled mass instead of splitting into the five separate checkout lines that the cashiers insist there are. The crowd mobbing the counter where the drinks are set down, but only for a moment, before a vicious claw reaches for her iced soy milk macchiato.

Gratitude Post: My Roommate Leaves Pubic Hair All Over the Bathroom so If She Commits a Crime, I Have DNA Samples

(02/19/18 10:45am)

My roommate is the absolute best. Some roomies bake each other cookies, have spa nights, or watch movies together, but my roommate is much more considerate: she leaves her pubic hair all over the bathroom, so that if she commits a crime, I have DNA samples that can ensure a speedy trial and a swift conviction. She’s the best!

3 Valentine's Day Outfits That Say 'I'm a Feminist and This Holiday Is Oppressive but I Still Want Chocolate.'

(02/14/18 2:42am)

We all already know that Valentine’s Day is a sexist holiday created by corporations to sell you things you don’t need to prove you love the people closest to you. Obviously, as a woke, intersectional, patriarchy-fighting, planned parenthood-donating feminist, you want no part in this holiday. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve chocolate. Here are three outfits to wear this Valentine’s Day to let everyone around you know that you don’t believe in being a cog in the fascist, heteronormative, oppressive, capitalist regime, but still want chocolates on February 14th.