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You shared, we listened. Brace yourself because you're about to be blinded by this year’s hottest TAs! Make sure to log into Penn In Touch now so you can switch into ALL of their classes.
February is upon us folks, and with that, we've decided to bring back our most optimistic feature! If you, like us, are out of fucks to give, then continue reading. And if you're not, well then, do less.
Mayday, mayday! Word on the street is that a number of Penn’s most prestigious student groups – fraternities and sororities – have had somewhat disappointing numbers for their pledge classes this semester. We get it: competition is fierce, but maybe you should’ve had free Chipotle at your first rush event instead of Qdoba. Have no fear, though. UTB is here to help you out. Here are 20 ways to get more totally awesome pledges for your #PC16:
Feb Club is here! And you're like, what exactly is Feb Club? I'm a senior? Do I actually have to download this app? Life is confusing. So here's UTB's weekly breakdown of which events to avoid and which ones to rally your pals for. Enjoy!
Feast your eyes on this masterpiece. They're accepting reservations until 8 p.m. tonight, though you'll likely be kicked out starting around 7:45. Cost is 7 meal swipes (roughly $105) and at least one shred of dignity.
That's right, HamCo is making one of their boldest moves yet...and we're all very confused. Details and questions as follows, in no particular order:
Finals week is officially upon us, ladies and gentlemen, and the best way to drown out Penn's collective groaning is with a good ol' finals playlist.
Look, we were all for being optimistic yesterday, but after spending a solid 24 hours in the Rodin Rooftop Lounge (don't deny it's the best one), we've about had it. So follow along as we count down the 15 craziest kernels of bullshit we're expected to know for finals. Think of it as a comprehensive study guide?
...to know that there are blonde people in Alpha Phi. In this 36 second recruitment video "teaser," those unaffiliated with Penn's Alpha Phi chapter can catch a tantalizing glimpse of the sorority house's entranceway, front of the building and most cheerfully smiling sisters. What lies beyond those sacred sorority doors, however, remains a mystery. Is that where they put all of the less-hot Phis? Is there going to be something surprising inside of the house? Is this the beginning to a horror movie? Guess we'll all just have to go through recruitment to find out!
This week SUCKS, man. It really does. The suckiness is pervasive. Thanksgiving was a tease. Finals are finals. If that wasn't enough, we thought of 98 more reasons because this week just really, really sucks.
Freshman Passes Away – Wharton has confirmed the death of Tommy Tercilla, a freshman. Tercilla passed away Sunday from a brain aneurysm. Please check back with the DP for updates.
In case you haven't heard, Hill is getting an $80 million renovation. And while we don't really think Hill can ever overcome its national bad rep, we have a few suggestions for some super useful and legitimate ways that they can spend those $80 million:
Good news EDM-lovers! UTB's coming at you with an extra-special giveaway. We have a free pair of ~exclusive~ tickets to to this Friday's Cedric Gervais show. Event is here. (He's the one who did that remix of Summertime Sadness). It's his first show back in Philly after Made in America, and he surely won't disappoint. The four simple rules of the contest are as follows:
As you guys all know, Spring Fling is almost on the way to coming up so if it's important to you, get all your recreational drug needs taken care of while the market's still calm. But whether you're a dealer or a dealee, it's not easy deciding on a place to meet and complete that special act of private capitalism. That's why we scoured campus to determine the most secret and secure places to conduct a drug deal. You're welcome.
You saw the best costumes. Maybe you even were one of the best, but now, in a time-honored tradition we present the worst of Penn's halloween costumes. For people who probably got a 2300 on their SATs and are president of 17 clubs, the lack of originality and creativity is astounding.
What's worSDT in Mandarin? Eager future Sig Delts might get a little stresSDT when trolling this Office of Fraternity and Sorority Life list of chapter websites for a sneak peek at the love, friendship, and froyo outings that future sisterhood could offer. Instead of all that, sdtbeta.com leads to a page that is fully in Chinese. Weirdly enough, Google doesn't translate it into a collage of a bunch of chicks and their camp friends' friends just having the beSDT time. Rather, the domain name seems to have been hijacked by a sketchy gambling organization. Alternatively, SDT may be prepping for an online philanthropy event and all gambling proceeds will be donated to Prevent Child Abuse America. Do it for the kids!
We've all seen the plethora of frat events on Facebook, notifying us of parties that only slightly follow through on their promised themes. (Does anyone actually wear all-white to a frat house, anyway? That's just asking for trouble.) SAE and APES, however, have taken their advertisement strategies to a whole new level.
Unless you have managed to avoid the Bridge of Broken Dreams for the entirety of this semester, you've probably noticed that Commons is undergoing...wait for it...construction! What an atypical thing for Penn to do!
It's finals, and everything sucks. But we're radical optimists, so we decided to think of 45 ways that it could all be way worse. We aren't procrastinating – we're just trying to lift Penn's collective spirit, that's all!
Penn is an all around swell place, but sometimes it's really just not so swell. Sometimes it's just literally the worst. So what better time to celebrate the worst of Penn than right after we celebrated its best? You don't get to vote or anything – we just picked for you. Sorry, we're the worst.