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According to a Penn's Interfraternity Council (IFC), most Fraternity Chapter Houses — or ‘chouses’ —have been deteriorating at unprecedented rates this rush season. The IFC urged students to "take a second," and "seriously stop — the infrastructure can no longer sustain itself."
Reports confirmed Friday morning that, although College junior Kaitlin Murphy told friends she spent break “hanging out with [her] cousins,” the majority of her time was spent sliding down a rabbit hole of “My 600 Pound Life” testimonials on YouTube.
The Office of Student Health Services has announced a flu outbreak on campus, warranting heightened health and wellness precautions by all students. After countless checkups, SHS discovered the cause of the epidemic: persistent and unhygienic ass-kissing by freshmen in the midst of rushing Greek organizations.
As I stumbled out of my Economics final, exhausted, yet buzzing, from the heavy 5 Hour Energy swig I just had taken, I was greeted by the post-exam chatter of answer comparisons.
This Thursday's release of early admissions decisions for the class of 2023 warranted immense tears, hugs and pride of the admitted students and their parents, who are proud to fork over that 50 grand for tuition (not including fees, housing, and dining!).
A recent poll at this party I was at concluded that I Love It by Kanye West ranked #1 song we should all discuss the gendered implications of right now on this dance floor.
Here are the current Penn undergrads who are engaged ranked objectively by how wild it is to me that they did that.
Jeremy Landis (E ’20) returned to his hometown of Dayton, Ohio this past Thanksgiving break feeling particularly thankful for his Penn education — but mostly for his ability to flex his Ivy League apparel in front of relatives and strangers alike.
After deciding to wear her new lavender bodysuit she purchased from Urban Outfitters on Black Friday, Rebecca Cartwright (W ‘20) was left to make her usual afternoon coffee-induced defecation fully in the nude while her jeans and bodysuit rested far too close to the stall floor for any sane person’s comfort.
Lauren Guerra (E ’20) is pissed off. After funding numerous Uber rides to and fro the clubs of downtown Philadelphia — and guilty of naively trusting that her fellow rider would Venmo her back — she wants her (parents’) hard-earned money returned! And the debtor? Well, she’s a girl whose parents donated twenty mil.
A new study from Penn’s Office of Student Life has found that on average, 85% of all club board meetings at the University are spent continuously restructuring the club, with 10% of meetings used to try and fulfill the club’s reason for existing and the last 5% saved for small talk.
Freshman Fall often lends itself to intimate suitemate bonding — you'll likely see them cry, laugh, and even vomit within the first two days of NSO. My suitemate and I can even talk about periods or weird sex-related things. We’ve bonded enough, right? Why, then, is it so hard for us to talk about pooping?
Listen, I’ve spent all but $9.24 of my Dining Dollar$ for the semester at Pret A Manger — sue me! The sandwiches are so goddamn good. But that transaction of 1 swipe for $4.87 in DD... I ain’t having it!
Penn announced on Tuesday that—despite its student body and the large amounts of land it has purchased and gentrified in West Philly—it will be building new offices in New York City and Washington, D.C.
Cole Denison (C ’22) entered his microeconomics midterm with high hopes and an unsettling (though surprisingly invigorating) combination of nausea and diarrhea. The way in which he left the exam, though, was something he truly could not anticipate.
On Monday, University administrators announced that they would make big strides to fight mental illness on Penn’s campus, placing a licensed CAPS clinician in Huntsman Hall. Although salaried with tuition dollars primarily from the College of Arts and Sciences, the CAPS clinician will only be available to counsel Wharton students.
Fall is coming to an end with winter right around the corner, and you know what that means— Halloween szn is here! Every house, club, and frat is ready to throw the freakiest get togethers of the season. None will be more spooky than the upcoming Halloween party at ΒΩΩ. UTB reporters have confirmed half of the party guests will have festering Hand Foot Mouth disease, but for privacy reasons, we cannot tell you which guests those will be.
This is my story of what happened. It's the story of what I saw, felt, and thought during two of the most intense years I've ever experienced, and the story of the think pieces that I read (well, skimmed) after the fact which gave me a definitive grasp on why Donald Trump is now our president. Hillary Clinton wants to tell you “what happened.” I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation.
Early Friday evening, Jeffery Rogers (W ’22), in a brave moment of honesty, acknowledged the song playing in his friend Rachel’s dorm room was such a mood.
The University of Pennsylvania just unveiled a new list of academic concentrations for the upcoming 2019-2020 school year. The newest major on the market? THC!