While there still remains some confusion surrounding Buttigieg’s motives, analysts have suggested that his behavior might stem from a crisis of confidence caused by his rat-like demeanor. 

“Some of these guys have never roller skated before. We’ll have to start from the basics: cones, training wheels — hell, I may roll behind some of them holding their hips during games.”

Following the grueling process of filling out repetitive Google forms and re-writing the same 250-word essay, James has faced a similar fate to countless applicants before her: cold rejection.

Okay, I’ll be honest — I’m an imposter. Despite regularly eating in restauraunts I am incapable of spelling the word ‘restraunt.’ That spelling just now was an honest try, and I must admit it brings me great shame.

"I'm really setting myself up well for a high-paying critic career or maybe even one as a style influencer."

It seems like UTB made some crazy hiring decisions this round, and we as a general Penn readership can only hope that the organization takes this important job more seriously in the future.

You really needed something to boost your confidence. And wouldn’t you know, this balding 40-something-year-old man was just the guy to make that happen.

“I’m usually a very active participant in class,” Michaelson said. “But then Professor Chowdry asked about something that wasn’t covered on the 150-word abstract or the Wikipedia page, and that’s really beyond my purview.”

Under the Button is still working to understand the nature of this incident and gain any clarity at all into this developing story.

Proponents of cow's milk cite the ecological catastrophe that is almond milk, the estrogen content of soy milk, and the gluten in oat milk as reasons for making the switch. 

While watching Parasite, I couldn’t help but wonder how much better the film could have been if all the actors were white, speaking English, and if it took place in rural Texas. 

I will be walking to Center City this weekend, and none of you better try to fucking stop me.

I’ve been in this building since it was a women’s gym. Back then, there was excitement, activity, the smell of young sweat and hope. Now, it’s just stuffy English majors pretending to be interested in Marx or The Faerie Queene. I can’t take it anymore.

You piece of garbage. We know that you haven't even started our application yet, you absolute fucking mess of a human being. What have you even been doing? Homework? A likely story.  

 4. "Pledging is Just Like the American Immigration Process!"

When asked to explain why she smokes cigarettes despite concentrating in Public Health, Jameson was quick to explain it was only to keep from hitting her Juul.

Caution, bus is turning. Yes, this bus. Turning now. Right now. 

“Since freshman year, I’ve been throwing all types of coins in there,” said Phenn. “Pennies, dimes, nickels, half-dollars, dollar coins, bitcoins — but nothing has worked."

Meet the Penn senior who combines aromatic spices with dried fruits!

“Yeah, when I heard she was a feminist, I definitely rolled my eyes,” Chad said, shrugging his shoulders, “but I didn’t threaten to boycott the ceremony." He’s so progressive!