Do you ever think about how deeply unfuckable it is to work in a "knowledge-based industry?"

Imagine if they were cheaper around finals... I would personally not be spared

Flood, shmlood. 

Critics say the institution is on track to become the country’s hottest eatery.

Her children are homeschooled so that they don’t deprive other students a spot at Germantown Friends. Her husband teaches them, because he’s her bitch. She killed her dad to smash the patriarchy. 

They didn’t like you! None of them liked you!

Less is more.

Remember… you have to spend money to make money. 

Honestly, I'm feeling really optimistic about all this.

Disgusting.

"[She] blazed the trail for several thousand grants, fellowships, and exalted spiritual epiphanies."

i said i want to luk like liamishel and i want surgury liamishel has and nurs sed ok

It’s incredible how much mental and physical torture five men can inflict in just 18 months.

After we literally had sex with each other, Liz excitedly told me about the board’s plans for College Green. 

We are once again asking for your sometimes hilarious applications

It’s time to face the truth. There’s simply nothing as blissful as a Swedish woman dislocating your spine and rearranging your organs.

Thinking. Pondering. Wondering.

Ooh… egad… It smells a little un poco podrigo in Huntsman Hall now…

With this comes the death of media bias, we shall all revel in the age of true reporting and inclusion.