The doctor continued to explain that despite not having been anywhere with very high or low altitude recently, Brandon’s elevated sense of self-worth had actually given him altitude sickness.
In a world fueled by identity politics, it’s only right that we embrace Peet Buuttigieg’s identity as a dirty little rat boy.
We had a meeting and asked ourselves: what demographic cohort would be most likely to want a free IUD? The obvious answer was, of course, sluts.
Got something to say? Oops, couldn’t hear you over the sound of the cogs turning in my brain. And we’re chugging along… one way ticket to Smartsville, baby! Population: moi.
The entire student and faculty body is required to attend this historic event. This will be Camila’s fiftieth concert of the year. It will not be recorded because nobody would watch it, so make sure to bring your A-game, Penn!
Although scientists are unclear about the exact causal relationship that exists between the two, the data does seem to suggest that there is a clear connection between the consumption of soy milk and the adoption of “homosexual tendencies.”
Compromising my integrity just to get a thrill is deadening, and I refuse to partake any longer. I’m saving divorce until marriage. Deal with it.
Feeling tired throughout the day? Hitting that 3 p.m. slump? Feel like there’s no way to regain the vigor of your youth? Well, I’m happy to say that my team and I have found a new life-hack to keep you pumped up and ready to blow at all times.
Maybe it's the Philadelphia talking, but I, for one, say that Gritty should have punched that kid.
“Wow, your Valentine must really like peaches,” commented a student standing in line behind Pearlmin. Pearlmin turned around and smiled nervously.
A national tragedy has occurred: news has recently come out that Fresh Grocer will be forced to close by none other than Penn’s own Undergraduate Assembly. “Why,” you ask? It’s simple.
"I'm going home to watch television! Alone! In my bed!" she says while skipping with glee on the empty and bleak Philadelphia streets, having escaped what seemed like Pascal's cave.
(Given): But 5 AP Literature and Lang bad. No count. Also newspaper bad. They no real writing. Grate Gatsby and Belovd not real english. They no have see true writes before. How Dog Thonks real literacher.
“It seems today, that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV,” said Wharton sophomore Roger Smith about his decision to study abroad in the small New England town of Quahog, Rhode Island.
So when I logged in and saw that Handshake was proposing Ice Sculptor as a potential career path for me, I knew I had to hear my best friend out.
See if you can identify each of these campus structures based on my fine arts degree worthy drawing of it. Slide the slider back and forth over each picture to reveal the answer!
"FirstServices has definitely asked me to do gross things for minimum wage in the past, but never this."
Surgical masks were donned and chilled bottles of Corona were shared as everyone moshed to “Sicko Mode” and discoed to “Stayin’ Alive”
I won’t be checking my texts — I’ve gone off the grid.
Everyone who has gone to Fro Gro knows that it is more difficult to pay for items than it is to steal them. In this vein, paying for items is both an excessive display of wealth and a gratuitous means of holding up the self-checkout line.