I am a top student at the University of Pennsylvania, not a prostitute.

Indeed, I have even attempted walking closely behind freshmen with hopes of corralling the trailings of their unregulated pheromones into my shell of a body. 

A failed situationship did not derail my life for four months!

Is getting MERTed... finally cool? 

The new curriculum was made possible due to a generous endowment from the Ponzi Foundation.

They will begin leasing the Radian next year as sophomore on campus housing, and you and I are on this cosmic journey together.

I should have known when he said he had a lot of family in Utah.

If I lived in Rodin, all my dreams would come true.

55% of the freshman class identifies as BIPOC (Businesspeople, Investors, People of Capital).

It’s just so hard being so bookish all the time.

Ugh, this is not sliving, Becky!

This kid definitely went to Exeter.

MANIFESTATION IS REAL IF YOU SKIP THIS ARTICLE YOU WILL HAVE BAD KARMA FOREVER!!!! AND A PIANO WILL DROP ON YOUR HEAD AT 11:11PM!!!!!!

I know I’m terribly naive, but doesn’t cleaning need water?

Preposterous! Sure, snake-game tile patterns work for the technocratic healthcare managers of the world, but the New Sincere era calls for more garish tile displays. 

Steps 4 and 5 are to get a couple hundred thousand dollars from your father. If the displaced residents follow this simple 5-step plan, they should be Main Line homeowners in no time. 

 I must conquer both my quirky, boyish, relatable self, and my petite, teeny-tiny, hourglass figure.

When shown the Stanford insignia, reminiscent of her former employer, Magill responded, “Somewhere between Elizabeth Holmes and petrichor.”

At the end of the semester, participating students will be required to give presentations to the Penn community on what they learned from their time studying a broad, such as whether or not she is a vibe. 

In fact, they are proud to accept fat people! Sorority bids are entirely based on controllable traits, such as wealth, clothes, and acne.