I showed the woman at the front desk in Biotech my green pass. She hissed at me. Fair enough.

Once all is lit, the combustion will get this sucker free from the homophobic waters within which it wades. We will go up, up, up and away, filling the void so woefully and ignorantly established at present by the lack of space-gays. 

Now, he has a chance to prove himself on the biggest stages imaginable, which include that little grassy area outside of Harrison in addition to the grass outside of NCHW.

When it comes time to snap that fateful pic, here are ten easy tricks you can use to appear more interesting, fun, and thoughtful than you really are.

“It’s not like they’re talking to anyone in particular,” Salazie noted. “They’re kinda just saying stuff out loud.”

You realize that this small incident is indicative and a parallel to your life as a whole: you can work intensely and diligently to build yourself and your ideas, but if you don't fit one of the prescribed outlines, you are considered wrong.  

I suppose it could be some sort of political statement? I mean, you have a virus in a TV on top of a suit. Maybe it’s like, commentary on how mass media has influenced the popular perception of the pandemic? Then again, it could just as easily be the calling card for some underground, sharply-dressed EDM musician named DJ Sicko.

Readers, my jaw was on the floor. Did this girl seriously just invoke the logical fallacy in an erroneous manner?

"By ingesting the saliva of every citizen, I can consume your thoughts and, in this way, connect intimately and effectively with the needs of the American public." - President Joe Biden

Go P.E.A.S.A.N.T.S!

Holy shit. She is so funny.

Johnson shares that she was ultimately unsuccessful in her appeal, but is not giving up on “fighting the good fight.”

Letting my tongue hang out of my mouth is like a private affirmation that I am cute and petite like a Yorkshire terrier.

I hope to one day acquire enough power to end the Penn dining plan once and for all. But for now I will eat my La Plancha meal swipe burrito and ponder a better future. 

Despite it almost never being applicable, Griffin manages to connect any high-brow, Criterion Collection-type film to the 2005 movie that stars David Schwimmer as a talking giraffe.

Wouldn't you wanna know how big your daddy issues for next sem will be?

“Man, I used to think that Ian only saw me as a literary vehicle for peddling his twisted world view, but he’s actually pretty chill,” Allen said, slurping oysters with his newfound friend. “Also, he’s hot. Like, so hot. Smoking H-O-T.”

Life is full of surprises. But one constant in my life has been seeing sorority sisters and fraternity brothers make their annual migration to the tropics for spring break.

Travel Update! The sisters of renowned sorority Delta Delta Delta have canceled their Miami plans, opting to visit the town of Kharagpur, West Bengal this March.

After months of being an observer in the culinary arts, I am now chef!