“It’s important that we know all we can about COVID,” said the lead researcher, “And even more important that we have an objective metric to determine who gives the best sloppy toppy.” 

 “We have a lot of money, and we will use it,” Director of Money Julia Stevenson proclaimed in her statement.

Chan had spent the night unbolting all tables and chairs from the floor, hoisting them up, and rebolting them to the ceiling. u00a0

Rent her bed out to your much wealthier, whiter Drexel friends.

We have to draw a line somewhere.

An abstract take on polkadot? A paisley messiah?

If you could spare a moment and explain everything ever to me, that’d be awesome.

Leave 

Penn’s Mask and Wig Club, the oldest all-male collegiate musical comedy troupe in the United States, will welcome members of all genders for the 2022-2023 academic year, as long as they are physically attractive to current members.

Yes, it's good for the environment. Who needs beaches anyway?

"Lamar talks about growing up and seeing what gang life does to a person - one time, I saw a homeless man outside of the Whole Foods I go to everyday after practice for sushi."

It probably doesn’t actually exist. 

It has since been revealed that Newark, set to graduate with a Bachelor's degree in Neuroscience next spring, has been using AirPennNet–Guest on her various tablets since NSO freshman year. 

It's no divesting from fossil fuels, but it's a pretty close second.

A carefully selected jury of the assailant's peers (bros) gathered around a courtroom (castle basement) to perform an objective and unbiased analysis of the night's events.

She is free and you are not. What are you going to do?

Recent groundbreaking ethnographic research conducted by the Ginsburg Institute for the Amorous and Desirable has shown that the Kelly Writers’ House exudes more eroticism and sensuality than Berlin’s hottest sex clubs. 

Why is there a massive gap between the refrigerator and the back wall that is the perfect size of a lasagna? 

This CDC-approved and, in the words of Fauci himself, “awesome” drug is used to soothe the idiosyncratic and manic tendencies of girls whose behavior worsens in creative spaces like the Kelly Writers House. 

“It’s all a matter of efficiency,” Finnegan explained. “Why would you do something if it’s not efficient?”