If you could spare a moment and explain everything ever to me, that’d be awesome.

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Penn’s Mask and Wig Club, the oldest all-male collegiate musical comedy troupe in the United States, will welcome members of all genders for the 2022-2023 academic year, as long as they are physically attractive to current members.

Yes, it's good for the environment. Who needs beaches anyway?

"Lamar talks about growing up and seeing what gang life does to a person - one time, I saw a homeless man outside of the Whole Foods I go to everyday after practice for sushi."

It probably doesn’t actually exist. 

It has since been revealed that Newark, set to graduate with a Bachelor's degree in Neuroscience next spring, has been using AirPennNet–Guest on her various tablets since NSO freshman year. 

It's no divesting from fossil fuels, but it's a pretty close second.

A carefully selected jury of the assailant's peers (bros) gathered around a courtroom (castle basement) to perform an objective and unbiased analysis of the night's events.

She is free and you are not. What are you going to do?

Recent groundbreaking ethnographic research conducted by the Ginsburg Institute for the Amorous and Desirable has shown that the Kelly Writers’ House exudes more eroticism and sensuality than Berlin’s hottest sex clubs. 

Why is there a massive gap between the refrigerator and the back wall that is the perfect size of a lasagna? 

This CDC-approved and, in the words of Fauci himself, “awesome” drug is used to soothe the idiosyncratic and manic tendencies of girls whose behavior worsens in creative spaces like the Kelly Writers House. 

“It’s all a matter of efficiency,” Finnegan explained. “Why would you do something if it’s not efficient?”

*Hacks up a lung*

“At first, I was panicking because I thought I had missed anthropology recitation,” Wright related, rubbing his eyes. “But then I saw the remnants of existence decaying around me, and I knew that I had bigger problems to deal with.” 

 Spending hundreds of dollars to see American-made pop stars and being duped into seeing a maple syrup manufacturer’s spawn — absurd 

Though primarily a lengthy plea to Penn to let professors masturbate at home, the petition also cited mild concerns over the rising COVID-19 infection rates.

Only when the white cis-male is free can we all be free.

Mention that crosswording is not a hobby, it’s a state of mind.