At which point, the entire class shat pants.

Brad had landed the hottest Delta babe ever.

 I thought they would come out silently; you’d go about your day with nothing but a subtle, lingering taste of baba ganoush in your mouth, and I’d go about my day with the satisfaction of knowing that I put it there. 

Penn, please do better. I don’t want to go over the balcony and turn myself into a pile of hairy strawberry ice cream. Especially in Fisher-Bennett Hall.  

“Sure, Harnwell was a pretty decent place to live, but in comparison to NCHW, it’s like I was living in Guantanamo Bay.”

 “Oh no, not this cunt again.” 

After an unprecedented 32-year-long reign in the Spruce Street region, the kingdom of Beijing Restaurant has fallen to a quintet of fair-skinned barbarians.

Poopy Doopy, reveal yourself before you run out of poop. We will embrace you with open arms and open bowels. 

While conducting refinancing amidst the plague, the royal court administrators hath decided to sell the majority of the institution to Charles I, king of England and, now, his lordship of the University of Pennsylvania. 

“No, no, this is all wrong,” muttered the nonagenarian, watching in horror as students blithely walked in and out of the miraculously sturdy residence halls. “Holy shit.”

"I guess we just thought that, since we do lines all the time, it would be pretty simple for all of the attendees to do them too." | Megan Striff-Cave

One student expressed anger at the new reality of having to “actually learn shit,” an experience she felt was best relegated to the past. 

After two “pretty sub-par” years, Cooper has decided to go back to the root of her high expectations: the Thriving at Penn Canvas modules. 

Held from 8:30-10:00 pm on the first Friday Night of NSO, this mandatory event is going to be a crowd favorite.

A few songs in, the whole car was really jamming. Then... it happened. Track 5 was Uptown Girl, Dad's favorite song on the CD. Boy, did he let it rip.

The study looked at statistics such as the percentage of participants whose camera is on, daily time spent on work/school, skills acquired, and overall participant enjoyment to inform the educated and mathematical assessment.

"It's not like I was planning on going to the beach or anything because of COVID, but I'm also not one to sit around. I get restless and always need to be actively doing something, so I figured I get a head start on sculpting my post-Thanksgiving figure." 

While the University was also considering Hulk Hogan, Alex Baldwin, and Cyndi Lauper, they ultimately went with Elvira because she was willing to do the job for the cheapest and appealed most to the ghosts of investors past.

Since the seniors are checked out, and nobody else has really been to campus, it seems like juniors are going to rule the school.

Get ready to see some graphic shit.