He opened the door and faced the harshness of the elements. It was a sunny day, 78 degrees, and the sun was blinding. Was this God’s punishment? Indeed. 

 “Oh yeah,” he responded. “I also bought this AK-47. Just in case, you know.”  

“Baby, I don’t think that’s your last cigarette.”

We are the real virus... :/

Although the participants candidly admitted they could not predict the future of their projects, they all felt this experience would have long term and sustainable impacts on how they approach their work once they begin as consultants for McKinsey.

Spearman displayed several shirts over Zoom. "I just want you guys to know how bad it is out here on the front lines." Indeed, one shirt asked the viewer to "find x" in the style of an algebra problem, while simultaneously circling the letter "x" in red. Truly horrifying.

Public response to the move was overwhelmingly negative as some students are put at a disadvantage due to lack of resources and others claim, "the stress of having to study is too much for them."

Travis is as close to struggling as he has ever been, and he would really like your attention right now.

"On very special occasions, like the birthday of Theresa’s favorite horse, Timothée, her mother might even pick up Theresa and her laundry basket from campus."

Recently, word came down from on High that Jesus is self-quarantining and there will be no resurrection this year. 

The roles students will have to fulfill range from Waste and Disposables Technician to the Director of Internet and Gadgets, working directly under the head boss.

When asked what the main draws of replacing his therapy dog with Xanax were, Schmidt specifically noted how, “Xanax doesn’t shit on your carpet or need to be walked.”

Upon further inspection, it was found that Daniel had indeed prepared his noodles not in water but in Skyy. 

Feeling down? Turn them blue. Want to have a rave in your tiny dorm room, or in search of an epileptic seizure? Click the flash button. Seeking attention because nobody is friends with you? Flash SOS in Morse code. The possibilities are endless.  

“Alright future chemists, riddle me this: what do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?”

We're all looking for a little bit of light in this dark chapter of world history.

I used to think that I would never be able to create a masterpiece as good as Veronica Roth's Divergent, but now, with the COVID-19 workshop, I can really imagine what it would be like to live in a world where you can never see the light of day. It’s inspiring!

What classes am I in this semester? Asking for a friend. 

I can literally feel my mental health deteriorating,” lamented Jared over a Zoom video interview, as he sat outside by his heated pool. “It’s going to be tough, but if I pull through this semester and pass all my classes, well, I mean, that’s a true testament to the strength of the human will."

While we recognize that our establishment is closed, because of your lack of support, we want to assure you that we are still here for you.