Have you ever wondered what it's like to be the 47th Vice President of the United States and Presidential Professor of Practice, Joseph Robinette Biden Jr? Now's your chance! Hop on your scooter and navigate Locust as you travel from Perry World House to your meeting with Amy Gutmann.

Sammie Tomson (C ‘19) is committed to shattering artificial barriers to success. She’s also deeply dedicated to exposing Dr. Amy Gutmann for the fraud she is.

“Why take Chick Lit or Roman Mythology like a sucker when you could be relishing the Pod experience,” Blankenship gloated before returning his attention to a 15-second clip of “Spirited Away" looping on a nearby monitor.

'Tis the season, and if you have anything lower than a 4.0, your ass is grass and your family is going to mow it.

He hadn’t shown up to his PSYC 170 class since mid-September and with the final in the morning, he knew his ass was grass.

That’s when Brown decided to move into a house with a family of endangered Panamanian sloths.

“I just sometimes feel like I was admitted by mistake,” Jones explained. “Not just ‘sometimes,’ actually. I regularly feel that way."

In a press release today, Smirnoff announced it would be making a larger serving size of its popular drink, the Ice. 

Tens, maybe-but-probably-not hundreds, of students on campus rejoiced this evening when Penn men's basketball upset reigning NCAA national champion Villanova and shocked the world (except the three DP sports writers who "predict" every year that Penn will beat 'Nova — they totally called it).

No doubt about it, CIS major and entrepreneur Joey Freeman (E ‘21, W '21) means business.

A recent announcement may finally quell some worries: Trump has ordered that the nation's supply of windmills be relocated to the high-rise wind tunnel.

Known to most students for speaking at convocation and co-signing emails with President Amy Gutmann, Pritchett spends his the bulk of his time these days lounging in his den.

Caught between a turnstile refusing to read his PennCard and the continuous shuffling of students in the midst of finals, Samuelson found himself briefly — but blissfully — pressed up against the softness of the Canada Goose jacket worn by the second person in line. 

Penn is adding yet another iconic public figure to its esteemed group of Presidential Professors of Practice.

When Latisha Montgomery (C ’20) went on a date with Vanessa Laurel-Smith (W ’19), she rightly assumed that her date (the daughter of the plastic tycoon Jonathon Smith), would be willing to spoil her a little bit.

College sophomore Claire Sturges already knows what she will wear to her casual hookup's fraternity formal tonight.

In a surprising turn towards environmentalism, University officials announced last Wednesday that the iconic red "tampons" sculpture, which lives by the high rises, would be replaced by a monument to menstrual cups. 

After deciding to wear her new lavender bodysuit she purchased from Urban Outfitters on Black Friday, Rebecca Cartwright (W ‘20) was left to make her usual afternoon coffee-induced defecation fully in the nude.

Vilsack opened up a new document in Google Drive and just started writing.

It came as a bit of a surprise to the other members of the class when one of them seemed a bit too invested in a key component of the source material – the Nazi Party in WWII.