Yeah, I obviously feel bad, but seriously Uncle Chris…timing much?

This year changed the game.

As controversy brews over our handling of Penn Fight Night 2023, my guilty conscience implores me to break my silence. I, Ted Kwee-Bintoro, Vice President for Partnerships, Charity Affairs, and General Malfeasance of the Wharton Graduate Association, spent the missing money. But it went to a good cause: I’m doing a couple fat rails tonight. 

Community Service? No thanks, I prefer community disservice. Next time you offer me a flier or ask me to buy from your bake sale, please don’t! I don’t need your handouts, I’m not a charity. You are!

Thanks to my once-daily prescription of chewable 80-mg sildenafil from the men’s telehealth provider Himsᵀᴹ, I’m unafraid of “cancel culture.” While others stay soft, I get so hard that I turn blue in the face.

Girl, are you a jawn?

I’d rather listen to my dentist perform a root canal using some rusty drill

Have your eyes been opened to the truth?

‘you’re so hot! You’re the most professional girl in the world!’ 

Not a thing in the world compares to the love of two sisters.

Every time you fell, you got up again

If liking Commons is wrong, then I don’t want to be right

We at UTB have amassed a core set of caring techniques for those with roommates who get no play

As the hunt for a little begins (game on!), here are some fun activities to do with your new PC to help find your lins’ newest blonde babe

When I see a button nose it makes me so ill that I just have to throw up in my mouth.

Mother, please. I know you’re upset but I hope you’ll understand.

She was eating boiled potatoes and some sort of dried fish. Gross. Damn. It was like 10:00am.

Omg you took pictures of me?

Number 4 Will Shock You

Boston? Is that in Massachusetts?