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Opinion


Quiz: Which One of You Thinks Your Time Is Worth so Much That You Can Leave Your Tupperware in the Sink?

1. Whose dirty Tupperware is in the sink? a. Yeah that’s mine. I was up all night debugging my code. You can’t blame me there bro: school always comes first. But even though I have enough time to meal prep for the next six months, I don’t have the 30 seconds it takes to wash one, singular item of dishware. b. Listen buddy, I was exhausted after my day at OCR. Do you not understand how important the work that I’m doing is? Of course, it’s my Tupperware. But, dude, it’s one extra dish. Just wash it with your stuff. You’re being kind of selfish if you ask me.


OP-ED: How I Always Find Time in My Busy Schedule to Cry in Front of My TA

Some people treat being busy like a competition. But I refuse to think like that. Despite being so busy with my 6.5 credits, 4 club commitments, and more papers than you probably have, I always find time in my packed schedule to shed some tears.


OP-ED: I Know You Ate My Food, Sharon, I Saw It on My Nanny Cams

There’s a fox in the henhouse, and I know it’s you, Sharon. I bet you thought you were pretty damn clever with your “maybe you’d remember eating your own food if you didn’t come home blackout drunk four nights a week!” excuses. That is, at best, a flimsy cover, and, at worst, gaslighting.


How to Organize a BYO When You Are a Shell of a Human Being

Social chairs look no further—here’s how to plan a BYO when you haven’t slept since August and your phone autocorrects "dirty" to "darty."


OP-ED: Check Out My Shirt! It's Like an Expensive Brand But My Frat, Haha

I’m Bradley, a sophomore in Wharton from Greenwich, CT studying finance. I joined my Non-Hazing Fraternity last winter, and my buddy Jake is doing a sick job as Vice President of Frocket Tees, Coozies, and Croakies. Actually, check out the shirt I have on right now. It’s like an expensive brand but my frat, haha.


So You've Alienated All Your Friends This Summer by Ghosting Them. Now What?

So you had a rough summer. Your friends wanted to talk to you, but you kept ghosting them. Now you've alienated all of them. How are you going to fix this?


Here Are 5 Definitive Ways to Tell If Your Roommate Is a Psychopath

So you moved in about three weeks ago, and it has been a whirlwind. After meeting your roommate, hanging out a ton with them during NSO, and then completely ditching them when you made your real friends, you’re beginning to notice some weird things they do. After speaking with several Penn scientists and psychopaths we know personally, we’ve compiled a list of five foolproof ways to tell if your roommate is a psychopath.


OP-ED: If I Don't Go to My First Class, I Won't Go to Any Class

My roommate frequently misses her 8 a.m. recitation. Still, she makes an effort to attend her afternoon classes, saying she wants to "make the most of her tuition money." In fact, most of my friends, even if they skip one of their classes regularly, usually go to the others in order to stay on top of the course material.


OP-ED: Let's Try Planning Fall Break For Months, Drop the Ball And Just Get a MegaBus to NYC, I Guess

Hey pals, what’s the haps? I know we’re still rotting away in the offices at the jobs our parents so graciously awarded us, but we NEED to do something fun for fall break this year. I was thinking Amalfi Coast? Maybe Dubai? I’d also be down for Sydney! It’ll be so simple to arrange a quick little weekend trip with my best friends.


OP-ED: I Am Part of the Resistance Inside Gutmann's Campaign for Wellness

I work for the president but like-minded colleagues and I have vowed to thwart parts of her wellness agenda.


OP-ED: Dear Protesters, I Am a Whore, But Not Because I’m a Feminist

My name is Chad and I’m a whore. I am also a feminist. But Mr. Preacher: being a feminist is not what makes me a whore—I promise.   


I Lived It: My Fourth NSO Without Losing a Toe

Wow. I never thought this day would come. After hearing the news two years ago about a freshman who managed to lose his big toe during the pool party, I always thought I'd be next. After all, I had already lost two Penn Cards, my pants, and at least a few brain cells during NSO.


OP-ED: Please for the Love of God, Buy My Godzilla-Cover Calc Textbook

Greetings, fellow members of Free & For Sale. I presume many of you are crossing the ol' Formal Reasoning and Analysis requirement off your respective Academic Planning Worksheets this fall. Perhaps the specter of MATH 103 or MATH 104 looms heavy on the horizon. If this indeed be the case, then have I got an offer for you!


OP-ED: Penn Should Totally Offer Summer Classes!

Once I had this crazy idea, I couldn’t believe that no one had thought of it before.


Quiz: Do Your Summer Coworkers Hate You?

Take this quiz to stay ahead of the curve and find out if your coworkers think you’re a real dick.


OP-ED: How Can You Say That I Don't Have a Personality When I'm Wearing These Cool Socks

First of all, how dare you. I just don't get how you could say such a rude thing to a guy wearing such cool socks. I'm not saying that by having impeccable style I should be impervious to criticism, but, ya know, respect the fibers on my feet. Also, haven’t you noticed my eccentric short-sleeved button up? C’mon, I’m not on a beach sipping margs, why am I wearing this sweet Hawaiian shirt! That’s a pretty dope personality trait if I do say so myself.




OP-ED: I’m a Registered Democrat But Salmon Khaki Shorts Are My Kink

"Yes, she loves Obama, but does that mean a pair of socially liberal, fiscally conservative pink shorts from J. Crew can’t turn her on?"



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