“I’m in a secret club.” Damn straight, and the only members are you, Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Monica, and Ross. And occasionally Janice.

 You can tell me anything. Specifically, you can tell me about all the sex you've been doing.

It is easy to label me for my drug use. But what really sets me apart are my fun, rebellious pants. 

I’ll say it. Penn has a problem with stereotypes. 

Sweet, sweet Mark’s Café has its ups (Dibs) and downs (sandwiches, sushi, fruit, coffee), and kettle chips fall right in the middle.

I was a little worried about doing this whole blind date thing but it really turned out great.

There’s lots of ways students zone out during classes nowadays.

٩(◕‿◕｡)۶ ( ◡‿◡ *)*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:

The pain of saying hello loudly enough for passersby to hear, so they can all watch you get ignored, cuts so deep that it can feel like you will never recover.

Ah—to be tall. To be able to reach things on shelves without throwing out your shoulder and collapsing your mold covered Quad closet.

I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation.

Hey do you have a second? Yea just take your headphones out real quick this’ll only take a minute.

Let's just call the whole thing off. You don’t want my grades to be as bad as the President’s, do you?

The disease can be brutal, but having it makes you realize just how lucky you are to be a living person with hands, feet, and a mouth.

Dear Ari—may I call you Ari? I hope so. I've been a major Arianator ever since I was 15 and really resonated with your hit single "Side to Side."

Um, excuse me. Can I help you? What are you doing?

Look: We are all watching our weight, and some men can’t afford to eat very much of this pussy.

I know that this may be kind of inconvenient for some of you, but I promise I'll circle back with you on Monday. Let's put a pin in whatever we're working on until I get back. Just don't email me, please.

Wawa water is not just for drinking.

Our first date was going so well, so I thought why not take it to the next level and go to a food truck.