Like any self-hating Jew, I love me a good sukkah. Who wouldn’t want to spend the holidays in a cubic hut?
Depending on your natural features, some Penn Faces will be more flattering on you, and it’s critical that you choose the right one. Do you see how good everyone else looks? That’s because they’re matching their Penn Face to their face shape, and you’re not. And that’s because they have more friends than you and are more accomplished than you are.
Listen! It’s SO fine that you don’t get it, because I have very particular taste in shows and other forms of popular media, and not everyone is like that! But I do want to make sure we are on the same page about one thing: this costume IS funny.
After days trying to write jokes, a thought came to my head: Why isn’t it hilarious to make fun of nursing students? Isn't nursing a big thing here or something?
Knock knock! Hi! My name’s Lucy. I’m a sophomore, haha. I was just looking by and couldn’t help but notice what a nice, cozy little townhouse you have here!
Come clean to the world, Mark. Admit the true origins of Libra.
Oh are my plumes of fumes bothering you? Sorry not sorry, cause this is my emotional support juul and I need it to function.
This might sound difficult, but don’t fret.
If you could read, you would know this is reserved.
I’m sure the climate strike is important or whatever, but the UN says the world is ending in twelve years and I need to make sure I’m rich enough to afford a bunker.
Listen, I know there’s coffee in it. I know that there’s something else because it’s not just regular coffee. I don’t know how it’s different from a cappuccino or why it seems to cost more. Do I need to know these things to order it everywhere I go? No!
Their cigarettes haphazardly dangle from the corners of their mouths as they launch verbal assaults in the hopes of gaining entrance — the hope to be just as they are, but under the safety of a ceiling.
MY EMAIL! I’M TALKING ABOUT THAT EMAIL THAT YOU APPARENTLY HAVE NOT SEEN AND MAYBE WILL NOT SEE.
Is the cuddling necessary? It’s not cold today. Stop. I can’t focus when you’re staring into each other’s eyes like that, pressed together with gentle smiles. Go away.
She can also be found asking what math class you’re taking — only to flash a patronizing smile when you answer.
I knew it would take a little bit of time for my Josh man to find a group of his own.
Do you think that by not showing an underpaid TA that you have belongings and a heart and a soul that your grade will automatically be boosted?
Am I clairvoyant? Can I see the future? Am I God? Am I terribly sad about my good friend Trevor’s horrible loss? Yes to all of those. Betsy McLoughlin’s legacy will live on forever, and now so will mine.
All I can say is that Bernie Sander’s is on to something here. The top 1% of frat brothers are having 99% of all the sex on campus, and I think there’s something wrong with that.