The move is severe, but not surprising, as Penn has a long and proud history of being a nerds-first school. 

Get the jump on Halloween by going trick or treating now. That’s right, those pre-teen fucks will never see it coming.

In alignment with this endorsement, Bloomberg will be donating a new building to Penn's campus, the Bloomberg Center for Stop and Frisk Cultural Studies.

Feeling tired throughout the day? Hitting that 3 p.m. slump? Feel like there’s no way to regain the vigor of your youth? Well, I’m happy to say that my team and I have found a new life-hack to keep you pumped up and ready to blow at all times.

But I mean if anyone drops and you need an extra guy I guess I could find the time in my schedule.

The evil, tormented individuals leading the IAA forced their freshmen to degrade themselves through events like, “optional beer pong,” and “get to know the members night,” and despicable “ice breaker activities.”

We tried Trump’s mama bear politics, and people are too scared for Bernie’s papa bear sensibilities, so it’s time to settle right in the middle and get cozy with baby bear Jeb.

If my body can transform a panini into poop, then I should be able to change the number of protons in an atom. 

The truck was called “FedEx,” which I assumed to be some version of Tex Mex.

You asked for this after all. Who’s your mommy. 

Hell yeah, guys. After years of lobbying the school for positive and effective change, we finally have made some progress. In a statement earlier this week, boomer Amy Gutmann proclaimed that the school will be replacing all midterms with straight-up vibe checks this year.

Am I clairvoyant? Can I see the future? Am I God? Am I terribly sad about my good friend Trevor’s horrible loss? Yes to all of those. Betsy McLoughlin’s legacy will live on forever, and now so will mine.

All I can say is that Bernie Sander’s is on to something here. The top 1% of frat brothers are having 99% of all the sex on campus, and I think there’s something wrong with that.

When I left, after a totally appropriate amount of time might I add, I thought all parties had an adequate experience, and adequate should be like a solid B I think. 

Why in the world would I not just grab my Sushi and Red Bull and walk away?

I remember my history teacher told me that I wasn’t gonna get into college, my english teacher told me I would never get a job, and my french teacher told me something in French that I couldn’t really understand, but, based off his tone, it seemed like it was mean.

TheMinimunWordRequirementWas2000ButMyTotalWordCountWasOnlyOne.

Castle isn’t really hosting an event, they just want to bring us closer together as a school. That’s why they sent us on an impossible quest to get “tickets,” because they know we’d have to work together and meet so many new people along the way. 

Braden got a B in his geology class sophomore year, so yea, I’m pretty sure he knows his stuff. 

 Wanna know the worst part? This creep only contacts me through email.