Abdullah “Faresi” Alfaresi
Articles
I'm Done With These Halal Food Trucks, Point Me To The Haram Ones
Having Halal Food Won't Absolve You of Your Sins
Report: Boyfriend Texting Drafts of Satire Headlines Again
“Wow, woke king! This white guy takes to a minority today!”
Shalom! UTB Now Hosting Conversion to Islam At The Daily Pennsylvanian Office
UTB Finally Got a DEI Executive Position
OP-ED: I Lost My Dignity to Bento Box A
Imagine if they were cheaper around finals... I would personally not be spared
Transition of Power! UTB Appoints Chinese Authority
With this comes the death of media bias, we shall all revel in the age of true reporting and inclusion.
Help :/ I’m Too Petite, I Can’t Reach the Moellis Reading Room Table
I Just Feel Like They Should Provide Booster Seats Right?
Finals Season! 10 Places On Campus to Conduct Your Eternal Scream In
Finally! A comprehensive list of places where one can scream in and be at peace.
OP-ED: I Need You To Love Me More
Nothing is truly ever as it seems, yet everything acts in accordance to what you do. Therefore, extend your love to me!
OP-ED: I Love Venn Diagrams
I love you and I don't know your stance on venn diagrams.
Intersectionality Win! CAS Boy Dates Wharton Boy
He did corporate finance, I wrote about instability in the middle east... we are the posterboys for diversity at Penn. <3
Lovesick? Heatsick? I’m Sick of You TAC-E Bitches
They'll try their hardest for a quirky play but settle for generic titles and promotions likeeee??
OP-ED: My Ethnic Nose is Carrying This Diversity Initiative
Arab noses can be so beautiful, darling.
Penn to Divert Funds from Middle East Center Towards Implementation of Sharia Law in Frats
Inshallah sorority sisters will lovingly adopt the hijab and fraternity brothers will embrace polygamy over cheating.
Shocking! Worst Looking Frat Brother is Worst Smelling Person at Pottruck
No like genuinely why do they always smell like salty day-old spinach
Authoritarian Tease? Penn Places Liens on Dorms of Students Involved in Convocation “Protest”
Go ahead, google what a lien is.
OP-ED: Wharton Alliance Should Allow LGBTQ+ Allies to Cissy That Walk!
Cishet men/women dating in a nebulous queer way shall immediately be VPs of the diversity and inclusion committee.