Pity us, noble Scene King, ruler of our lands. We worship you and would be honored to kiss the soles of your fucking overpriced shoes, worn simply to flex.
Listen, I’m not here to convince anyone since no one really agrees with my P.O.V., but, as I am here with a platform that can help aid my personal agendas, I say a second Pret is what this campus needs.
Spruce Street is her refuge, the path for those on this campus who crave a shred of anonymity. Protecting her from the sight of others, her Penn cap says it all: “yes, I’m a low-key bitch. And, you’re also right — I do go to Penn.”
It didn't have anything to do with the fact that I had a hard time finding an internship the summer before.
I enjoy how batshit scared all of you are of the cold — of a crispy, red leaf gently falling onto your Barbour coat.
Students dartied in their most festive gear, but no one came out stuntin’ harder than Wharton junior Derek Harthman.
Not only am I paying for writing sem — I also couldn't be paid Gutmnan's salary to complete my peer review by tonight.
He subsequently tilted the handle over the side of her thigh and let the vodka dribble down and seep into the now disinfected wounds.
In response to the news, Penn’s Interfraternity Council members, representatives from fraternities across campus, released a joint statement denouncing WCBS’s blatant disregard for students’ mental and physical wellbeing.
mean, sure, being a lawyer would be cool. I guess. But, bro, let’s be real. That is hella work. Applications, recs, LSATs, etc. I can’t even get my UTB articles in on time.
My destination? The womb of this campus: baby quad.
"Since I don’t inhale, the more times I take a smoke break or short walk around the block, the more fit I’m getting."
I guess I could just stop by the ITA desk and get it done in a night, but I don’t want to be shady. He should be begging me to get on his wifi.
"We literally turn on the AC during interviews. Setting fire to these kids’ dreams and confidence can really make me break a sweat."
"It’s absolutely mind-boggling how a $30 plastic product from Walmart can have a more profound effect on purifying the body than some of our multi-million dollar machines."
According to a Penn's Interfraternity Council (IFC), most Fraternity Chapter Houses — or ‘chouses’ —have been deteriorating at unprecedented rates this rush season.
The Office of Student Health Services has announced a flu outbreak on campus, warranting heightened health and wellness precautions by all students.
“It’s okay, though, don’t worry about me,” I said to address their grimaces. “My husband is going to be rich. Like really rich. Probably richer than everyone in that lecture hall, actually.”
Sarah Rosen, a student admitted from Farmingdale High School, shared with UTB: “Yes, I’m incredibly excited to join the Quaker family! There’s not one other community I’d rather be a part of!
Priscilla Wang (W ’22), or "the ultimate plug" as she's referred to by her friends, always pulls through with the moves.