If you're going to violently curse your professor's dead relatives and weep into your hands, you're gonna have to take it down juuuuust a few decibels.
College sophomore Claire Sturges already knows what she will wear to her casual hookup's fraternity formal tonight.
Weird flex but ok
Let me set the scene: I was zoned out in class when I felt a familiar twinge in my lower abdomen and a warm, sanguine rush beneath me.
When the Starbucks on 34th and Chestnut streets announced that it would close in early December, nearby Penn Law students were shaken to their core.
For Engineering freshman Jasper Tisdale, the two weeks allotted for this task still won't be enough.
Jamie Reston (C '19) entered the gym with the intent to warm up on the elliptical and then jump into a core-blasting pelvic floor exercise.
New research conducted by Penn psychologists has concluded that if one more person talks to me today, I will absolutely fucking lose my shit.
Calling your professor "mom": it happens to every college student at some point or another, and it never fails to humiliate all involved.
Hey guys, watch this! I'm gonna murder this Wawa hoagie in one bite. No homo, though.
"People who are sexually aroused by Gritty need not cross their legs in shame,' the law professors" statement reads. "By definition, a 'furry fetish' requires that object of desire is both non-human and abnormal in nature. In the case of Gritty, the evidence has shown that his sex appeal is anything but abnormal."
"Other frats are definitely bad. But this frat? It's just different," Cavanaugh said, adjusting the collar on his pastel Hawaiian shirt.
Reflecting back on the past three years, College senior Jason Klipp thought he had Penn just about figured out. He knew the fastest route through campus, the coolest classes in his major, and the best places to drop a deuce between classes. But on Wednesday, it became painfully clear that there was one aspect of Penn life he was never able to master: accurately spelling out the surname of our great leader, Dr. Amy Gutmann.
I work for the president but like-minded colleagues and I have vowed to thwart parts of her wellness agenda.
Greetings, fellow members of Free & For Sale. I presume many of you are crossing the ol' Formal Reasoning and Analysis requirement off your respective Academic Planning Worksheets this fall. Perhaps the specter of MATH 103 or MATH 104 looms heavy on the horizon. If this indeed be the case, then have I got an offer for you!
Nature Valley granola bars are delicious, nutritious snacks, making them a classic staple of every busy college student's diet. The only problem with this portable delight? It inevitably disintegrates between your greasy fingers before you even get to the second bar.
When Caroline Jimenez (W '19) saw a rodent scurry boldly across her kitchen floor one evening this semester, she did what any concerned renter would do: call up her landlord and put in a maintenance request for traps.
You've got six hours of classes back-to-back ahead of you, and zero time to grab a real lunch.