For Freshman Mike Tannenbaum, his new college hobby has become drinking until he vomits — at least once a weak. According to Tannenbaum's friends, they think it’s so fine and cool he has something he’s passionate about and are happy for him and not concerned.
Like, I literally can barely see them. Their tiny tiny legs move so quickly but make such little progress.
The white, centrist, establishment democrat was leading in the polls even before he announced his candidacy. Many voters say they were drawn to him because of his history in politics, his age, and because he doesn’t have a vagina, which would automatically disqualify him from the position for obvious reasons.
With your new internship you got from your dad’s fraternity brother, you’re now the most qualified person in your friend group in all aspects of life.
Her trip came in the wake of an incredibly contentious election that put the future of a two-state solution on the line. Amazingly, Birthright managed to convince Sophie that Israel was less of a country with real world policy implications and more of a movie set for her very own eat, pray, love.
This past Sunday, researches in Penn’s department of sociology announced that Castle’s Magic Gardens event would not be coming back, and, no, it wasn’t canceled. In a press conference to the University, Dr. Tanvi Kapoor revealed that her team in Penn’s sociology department was behind this round of tickets, not the fraternity.
Beginning this week, Starbucks Under Commons will cease directly mocking you by name before you leave the cash register — a policy that had some customers feeling uncomfortable.
“I couldn’t walk there, I couldn’t have people judge me for Ubering, I couldn’t disrespect the boys of Beta Beta by not prioritizing their party.”
"So cool I got tapped. Anyone know when Friar's emails go out though?"
Mom-friend Carrie Peters is getting ready for the loathing to peak when the quietist of the bunch, Kristy Porter, gets drunk off piña coladas on the beach one afternoon and opens up about every time over the last three years the girl gang fucked her over.
"I haven't had time to get everything together yet, but if I did I feel like my movie would probably be groundbreaking like hers is"
Five minutes into the first class, he could already tell what was on students' minds — that they were in a class with a professor who won a Pulitzer back in ‘82.
Many found the theme, announced Wednesday night, of “Moms that bake, Daddy’s that bring home the bacon” to be both a loss for the female gender and also incredibly pre-professional.
Despite disrespecting his home state, community, and immediate family last year by hopping on the Eagles bandwagon, College junior Johnny Sullivan thinks that he can publicize his #PatsNation pride this cycle without anyone calling him out on his bullshit.
Do I think I’m better than anyone in particular? No, my god, I’m not conceitfed. Do I think I’m just a bit better than the generalized “everybody”? A little.
Before I knew it, it was 3am on the last day of break, and I was waiting with bated breath to see if Jerry would get approved for skin removal surgery.
“I just want to pause the music for just like two seconds and break it all down. Like, ‘hey friends, what’s happening here.’”
After deciding to wear her new lavender bodysuit she purchased from Urban Outfitters on Black Friday, Rebecca Cartwright (W ‘20) was left to make her usual afternoon coffee-induced defecation fully in the nude.
Coming in hot at number 4 are Stacey and Jeff. It was not so wild to me that Stacey and Jeff did that.
The study accounted for the entire spectrum of clubs at Penn: from consulting groups, to service groups, to very funny satire publications, to less funny satire publications.