Shoshi Wintman


Articles

Sad! This Junior Got Tapped for a Senior Society but Not One of the Cool Ones

"So cool I got tapped. Anyone know when Friar's emails go out though?"


Whole Girl Gang Ready to Develop Deep Hatred of Each Other in Cabo This Spring Break

Mom-friend Carrie Peters is getting ready for the loathing to peak when the quietist of the bunch, Kristy Porter, gets drunk off piña coladas on the beach one afternoon and opens up about every time over the last three years the girl gang fucked her over.


OP-ED: I Could Also Win an Oscar If I Tried, I’m Just Kind of Busy Rn

"I haven't had time to get everything together yet, but if I did I feel like my movie would probably be groundbreaking like hers is"


“I Don’t Talk About My Pulitzer a Lot,” Says Professor 5 Minutes into First Class

Five minutes into the first class, he could already tell what was on students' minds — that they were in a class with a professor who won a Pulitzer back in ‘82.


Feminism Sent Back 50 Years After Announcement of Friday’s Mixer Theme

Many found the theme, announced Wednesday night, of “Moms that bake, Daddy’s that bring home the bacon” to be both a loss for the female gender and also incredibly pre-professional.


BREAKING: Boston Born Eagles Bandwagoner Thinks He Can Re-join Pats Nation

Despite disrespecting his home state, community, and immediate family last year by hopping on the Eagles bandwagon, College junior Johnny Sullivan thinks that he can publicize his #PatsNation pride this cycle without anyone calling him out on his bullshit.


OP-ED: I Deactivated My Facebook Last Week, and 4 Other Things That Feed My Superiority Complex

Do I think I’m better than anyone in particular? No, my god, I’m not conceitfed. Do I think I’m just a bit better than the generalized “everybody”? A little. 


Junior’s Break Spent Sliding Down Rabbit Hole of “My 600 Pound Life” Testimonials

Before I knew it, it was 3am on the last day of break, and I was waiting with bated breath to see if Jerry would get approved for skin removal surgery. 


I Love It by Kanye West Ranked #1 Song at This Party We Should All Discuss the Gendered Implications of Right Now on This Dance Floor

“I just want to pause the music for just like two seconds and break it all down. Like, ‘hey friends, what’s happening here.’”


Woman in Bodysuit Taking Dump Fully Naked in Handicap Stall

After deciding to wear her new lavender bodysuit she purchased from Urban Outfitters on Black Friday, Rebecca Cartwright (W ‘20) was left to make her usual afternoon coffee-induced defecation fully in the nude.


Meet the Current Penn Undergrads Who Are Engaged Ranked by How Wild It Is to Me That They Did That

Coming in hot at number 4 are Stacey and Jeff. It was not so wild to me that Stacey and Jeff did that.


Study: 85% of All Club Board Meetings Spent Continuously Restructuring Club

The study accounted for the entire spectrum of clubs at Penn: from consulting groups, to service groups, to very funny satire publications, to less funny satire publications.


Philadelphia Overlooked as Gutmann Picks New York and DC as Sites for New Penn HQ

Penn announced on Tuesday that—despite its student body and the large amounts of land it has purchased and gentrified in West Philly—it will be building new offices in New York City and Washington, D.C.


'What Really Happened,' by Jared From Your PoliSci Recitation

I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation.


CAPS Will Now Station Local Grandma Who Believes Therapy is 'Full of Shit' in Van Pelt Lobby

Unlike the program in Huntsman, non-College students will have equal access to the grandma hired for this position.


Spooky! Half the People at This Party Have Hand Foot Mouth Disease but We Won’t Say Who

Fall is coming to an end with winter right around the corner, and you know what that means— Halloween szn is here! Every house, club, and frat is ready to throw the freakiest get togethers of the season. None will be more spooky than the upcoming Halloween party at ΒΩΩ.


In Brave Moment of Honesty, Freshman Acknowledges That This Song is Such a Mood

Although no further details were given, the mood of the song called for a minute-long eyes closed air drum solo, with one lip bite during the final chorus


New Study Finds 6th Consecutive 'Ice-ing' Way Less Funny Than First

he conclusion was supported in multiple different environments, such as a pregame, Banana Leaf, or in your living with just you and your friend alone.


Sophomore Prepared to Divulge All Personal Secrets to Fill Awkward Silence

As of Saturday afternoon, Lara Simmons (C '21) came to the realization that she was prepared to divulge all personal secrets in an effort to fill an awkward silence.


Amy Wax Up In Arms Over Takedown of 'Perfectly Nice' Priests

After a year of wildly controversial and deeply prejudiced statements, Penn Law professor Amy Wax is up in arms again—this time over what she sees as the systemic takedown of careers of some “perfectly nice” priests throughout Pennsylvania.


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