Shoshi Wintman


Articles

Philadelphia Overlooked as Gutmann Picks New York and DC as Sites for New Penn HQ

Penn announced on Tuesday that—despite its student body and the large amounts of land it has purchased and gentrified in West Philly—it will be building new offices in New York City and Washington, D.C.


'What Really Happened,' by Jared From Your PoliSci Recitation

I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation.


CAPS Will Now Station Local Grandma Who Believes Therapy is 'Full of Shit' in Van Pelt Lobby

Unlike the program in Huntsman, non-College students will have equal access to the grandma hired for this position.


Spooky! Half the People at This Party Have Hand Foot Mouth Disease but We Won’t Say Who

Fall is coming to an end with winter right around the corner, and you know what that means— Halloween szn is here! Every house, club, and frat is ready to throw the freakiest get togethers of the season. None will be more spooky than the upcoming Halloween party at ΒΩΩ.


In Brave Moment of Honesty, Freshman Acknowledges That This Song is Such a Mood

Although no further details were given, the mood of the song called for a minute-long eyes closed air drum solo, with one lip bite during the final chorus


New Study Finds 6th Consecutive 'Ice-ing' Way Less Funny Than First

he conclusion was supported in multiple different environments, such as a pregame, Banana Leaf, or in your living with just you and your friend alone.


Sophomore Prepared to Divulge All Personal Secrets to Fill Awkward Silence

As of Saturday afternoon, Lara Simmons (C '21) came to the realization that she was prepared to divulge all personal secrets in an effort to fill an awkward silence.


Amy Wax Up In Arms Over Takedown of 'Perfectly Nice' Priests

After a year of wildly controversial and deeply prejudiced statements, Penn Law professor Amy Wax is up in arms again—this time over what she sees as the systemic takedown of careers of some “perfectly nice” priests throughout Pennsylvania.


Too Much Self Love? Someone Needs to Push Jamie Down a Peg

Self-love is so important in today’s world. In a society in which individuals are able to hide behind screens and attack a person’s every flaw, it can be tough to keep up confidence. Self-love is a skill that needs to be practiced. However, as of publication, most people agreed Jamie Lister (E ’20) got too good at it and now should probably be pushed down a peg.


BREAKING: Jared Wants to Know What Ethnicity You Are

Reports surfaced late last night that Jared wants to know what ethnicity you are. Curiosity peaked when you walked in the door to Sigma Omega Sigma with your five best friends, and Jared did not immediately know what your place of ancestry was.


Freshman in Seminar Physically Unable to Not Raise Hand

Sarah Moretti, a College freshman in URBS 254—Gender and Power in Cities of Western Europe, was found to be physically unable to not raise her hand in seminar. Moretti’s disorder was uncovered in a yearlong study through the Perelman School of Medicine. 


After Foregoing Straws, Cheryl Set to be Only One Invited to Heaven When World Burns in Hellfire

For centuries, it has been clear that God has a limited number of spots in heaven, and for centuries, humans have debated who would get those spots.  Some thought the Catholics would be chosen, some thought it would be the Muslims, others thought it would be non-violent activists. All of them were wrong. Today God announced Cheryl Wineman (N '21) will be the only one going to heaven when the world burns in hellfire, because she committed to not using plastic straws.


Itchy Tag on New Shirt First Thing Junior Hates More Than Self

For decades, self-esteem of College junior Joelle Simmons has been low. While most in her demographic of white, upper middle class, Ivy League women have mid-level self-esteem, often referring to themselves as “fine” or “a little bloated,” Simmons’ self-esteem was far lower. One close friend noted that Simmons’ self-esteem was so low, her automatic email sign off was simply, “I’m sorry.”


Huntsman Closing at 2 a.m. Gives Wharton Students First Ever Urge to be Engaged

With the calm and politically gentle year of 2017, most Wharton students had no idea anything in the world was problematic enough to be deserving of a protest. 


OP-ED: I’m a Registered Democrat But Salmon Khaki Shorts Are My Kink

"Yes, she loves Obama, but does that mean a pair of socially liberal, fiscally conservative pink shorts from J. Crew can’t turn her on?"


This Sophomore Won’t Stop Picking at the Tiny Blemish on His Face

This year marks 14 years since the groundbreaking documentary Supersize Me was released into theaters. The film followed Morgan Spurlock, a filmmaker who ate nothing but for a month and put himself on track to become obese. The movie educated a whole generation of consumers on the dangers of fast food.


Huntsman Student With Target Language in Russian Now Has to Live in Russia Next Semester

Meet Ali Johnson, a freshman from the Upper East Side of Manhattan and a young intellectual in the Huntsman Program in International Studies and Business. For a variety of reasons related to international affairs, Johnson decided that her target language would be Russian.


Penn's Class of 2022: By the Numbers

This increase of almost 5,000 applicants has pushed Penn’s acceptance rate down to a record-breaking “not as low as Harvard’s.”


​Report: Nobody Has Black Heels For Girl With Size 11.5 Feet

6:00 p.m. last Thursday, Jenny Diaz, desperate to find shoes before formal, urgently messaged her hall group chat to see if anyone had size 11.5 black heels she could borrow.


Lame! This Sophomore Attends All Her Classes Because She Signed Up and Her Parents Paid for Them

Recently, UTB met with Sidney Andrews, a sophmore in the College who goes to all of her classes because they’re on her schedule and her parents paid for them. Sorry, wHaT?! Yeah, I’ll repeat.


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