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Shoshi Wintman


Articles

Professor Announcing First Essay Due Oct. 15, as if Sam Receiving Letter Grade

“I love that he’s trying to set up a little schedule for himself during all of this chaos,” said Jafri in reference to his professor’s firm and unwavering midterm deadline. “I read that that can be really helpful in trying to feel like you have a sense of control. Genuinely, it’s so sweet he’s setting goals for himself. I’m really happy for him.” 


Student Excited to be Back Making Direct Eye Contact with Self for 15-25 Hours a Week

Since getting back in the swing of things, Garcia has taken great pleasure in closely examining her eyebrows throughout her statistics class.


Leaders in Every Field Announce Kelsey’s Twitter Has Never Been Wrong on Anything

Costello did not respond to a request from Under the Button for comment. Those close to Costello say she wasn't surprised by the news and, felt that something like this was coming.   


New COVID Guidelines Asking All Students to Return to Campus and Sit Very, Very Still

The administration is doubling down on asking students to return to campus with, “open hearts, a desire for fun, and a desire, but no commitment, to staying absolutely motionless for a considerable amount of time in accordance with our compact.”


Amid Coronavirus, Penn Commits to Providing All Incoming Freshmen with Clinical Depression Come Fall 2020

“After thoughtful deliberation, we came to realize, as a baseline, we could at least provide each incoming student with a deep sense of despair, loneliness, and isolation. This promise is at the core of our fall 2020 plan.”


President’s Engagement Prize Awarding $250,000 To Anyone Looking to Try Something Out in West Philly

Although the participants candidly admitted they could not predict the future of their projects, they all felt this experience would have long term and sustainable impacts on how they approach their work once they begin as consultants for McKinsey.


TA's Scholarly Work in Urban Housing Serving Her Well as Glorified 'Apple Genius' For Elderly Professor

Fernandez has been able to apply her 280-page dissertation by turning on the projector, connecting laptops to the projector, and explaining other details of the projector to Professor Thompson.


Professor Going to Be That Close to Camera Entire Zoom Call

As the conference call began for URBS 250: City Planning for Climate Change, students began to realize that Professor Stanley Markowitz was going to be that close to the camera the entire call.


Not Exaggeration! Jessica Reporting All Her Friends Hate Her and She Can’t Explain Why but It’s so Obvious

Under the Button is still working to understand the nature of this incident and gain any clarity at all into this developing story.


Most Awkward Interaction of All Time Not Your Fault at All You Smooth, Sexy, Free-spirit, Phoenix

Despite internal feelings that you were, “very weird,” and, “couldn’t stop talking,” you actually appeared as a graceful debutant, making the person you interacted with incredibly nervous, embarrassed, and even ashamed to be in your presence.


Period End of Sentence Wins Oscar Again Because, ‘So Good’

In a historic first, Period. End of Sentence. has won an Oscar for the second year in a row, with the Academy recognizing the movie as, “so good.”


Quiz: Which Under the Button Writers Should Get Some Help Right Now?

Our die-hard fans know — sometimes, UTB writers seem very sad and not ok. Our fans are not wrong! Some of our writers should get some help right now. 


Friends Concerned Kelsey not Drinking Enough Alcohol

“Kelsey just drinks a frighteningly small amount,” said a friend who wanted to remain anonymous.


Perry World House to Get Even Bigger TV

Students on campus have long felt that the television in Perry World House was too small. Ruby Cheung, a sophomore in the college, told Under the Button reporters that the television was so small it made her embarrassed to be a Quaker.


Ranking Women by Susan’s Personal Opinion is Actually Feminist, Assures Pan-Hellenic

“Feminism is all about empowering Susan, as well as those that Susan deems worthy of empowerment,” said the head of Penn Pan-Hellenic. "I promise we haven't misunderstood the concept."


Going Abroad Party So Indulgent Student Not Allowed to Return

One Penn student is already regretting the enormous party he’s throwing for himself. Evan Du (W ‘21) invited every single person he’s ever spoken with to his “I’m going to England” party, before realizing he would never be allowed back to Penn. 


Here’s the Secret-Menu Class That Counts for Every Requirement BAbeyyyyyy

Hey funky ladies. You thought classes could only double count? Nah-uh, sweet face. That’s what they want you to think. Here’s the one class that quattuordecuple counts for all 14 of those foundational requirements and sector requirements.


OK BOOMER! MOM JUST CALLING TO SAY SHE LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT AND WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU MORE OFTEN AS IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT ALREADY

Just because you raised her into the confident woman she is today by providing her with resources and by being a powerful example of a woman following her dreams in a male-dominated industry does NOT mean she owes you anything. Emotional autonomy is the way the world works now.


Rebecca Reporting She’s Actually Pretty Gone Right Now

That night, there were no rules — within reason. She was going to get wild — but a firm line was going to be drawn well before cocaine. She would take no bullshit — unless the bouncer at smokes said she was not, in fact, 23, in which case she would respectfully take her face glitter and ID and walk away.


Arts Group Performance Looks Very Fun for Them

Just 15 minutes into the show, one thing was clear to me and everyone in the audience, these guys were having fun.


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