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Shoshi Wintman


Articles

Student Excited to be Back Making Direct Eye Contact with Self for 15-25 Hours a Week

Since getting back in the swing of things, Garcia has taken great pleasure in closely examining her eyebrows throughout her statistics class.


Leaders in Every Field Announce Kelsey’s Twitter Has Never Been Wrong on Anything

Costello did not respond to a request from Under the Button for comment. Those close to Costello say she wasn't surprised by the news and, felt that something like this was coming.   


New COVID Guidelines Asking All Students to Return to Campus and Sit Very, Very Still

The administration is doubling down on asking students to return to campus with, “open hearts, a desire for fun, and a desire, but no commitment, to staying absolutely motionless for a considerable amount of time in accordance with our compact.”


Amid Coronavirus, Penn Commits to Providing All Incoming Freshmen with Clinical Depression Come Fall 2020

“After thoughtful deliberation, we came to realize, as a baseline, we could at least provide each incoming student with a deep sense of despair, loneliness, and isolation. This promise is at the core of our fall 2020 plan.”


President’s Engagement Prize Awarding $250,000 To Anyone Looking to Try Something Out in West Philly

Although the participants candidly admitted they could not predict the future of their projects, they all felt this experience would have long term and sustainable impacts on how they approach their work once they begin as consultants for McKinsey.


TA's Scholarly Work in Urban Housing Serving Her Well as Glorified 'Apple Genius' For Elderly Professor

Fernandez has been able to apply her 280-page dissertation by turning on the projector, connecting laptops to the projector, and explaining other details of the projector to Professor Thompson.


Professor Going to Be That Close to Camera Entire Zoom Call

As the conference call began for URBS 250: City Planning for Climate Change, students began to realize that Professor Stanley Markowitz was going to be that close to the camera the entire call.


Too Many People Are Part of the Problem in 2020 Political Discourse. Not Me — Here’s Why.

According to a recent study I heard somewhere but can’t totally remember where, a whopping 80% of Americans don’t base their political opinions on facts and opt instead to listen to biased talking heads. When I read this from this person I follow on Twitter, I was shocked.


Not Exaggeration! Jessica Reporting All Her Friends Hate Her and She Can’t Explain Why but It’s so Obvious

Under the Button is still working to understand the nature of this incident and gain any clarity at all into this developing story.


Most Awkward Interaction of All Time Not Your Fault at All You Smooth, Sexy, Free-spirit, Phoenix

Despite internal feelings that you were, “very weird,” and, “couldn’t stop talking,” you actually appeared as a graceful debutant, making the person you interacted with incredibly nervous, embarrassed, and even ashamed to be in your presence.


Period End of Sentence Wins Oscar Again Because, ‘So Good’

In a historic first, Period. End of Sentence. has won an Oscar for the second year in a row, with the Academy recognizing the movie as, “so good.”


Quiz: Which Under the Button Writers Should Get Some Help Right Now?

Our die-hard fans know — sometimes, UTB writers seem very sad and not ok. Our fans are not wrong! Some of our writers should get some help right now. 


Friends Concerned Kelsey not Drinking Enough Alcohol

“Kelsey just drinks a frighteningly small amount,” said a friend who wanted to remain anonymous.


Perry World House to Get Even Bigger TV

Students on campus have long felt that the television in Perry World House was too small. Ruby Cheung, a sophomore in the college, told Under the Button reporters that the television was so small it made her embarrassed to be a Quaker.



Ranking Women by Susan’s Personal Opinion is Actually Feminist, Assures Pan-Hellenic

“Feminism is all about empowering Susan, as well as those that Susan deems worthy of empowerment,” said the head of Penn Pan-Hellenic. "I promise we haven't misunderstood the concept."


Going Abroad Party So Indulgent Student Not Allowed to Return

One Penn student is already regretting the enormous party he’s throwing for himself. Evan Du (W ‘21) invited every single person he’s ever spoken with to his “I’m going to England” party, before realizing he would never be allowed back to Penn. 


22-Year-Old Becca Proudly Adding McKinsey’s 'Concentration Camp Team' to LinkedIn

With her quick little update, she’d shown all of the finance bros in her senior year classes who really was the best and brightest — by working to starve migrant children.  


Here’s the Secret-Menu Class That Counts for Every Requirement BAbeyyyyyy

Hey funky ladies. You thought classes could only double count? Nah-uh, sweet face. That’s what they want you to think. Here’s the one class that quattuordecuple counts for all 14 of those foundational requirements and sector requirements.


Ok Boomer! SHS Doctor Thinks It’s Syphilis

Classic Boomer to assume you have nothing going on in your life and can just, “take time to address your genital sores.”


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