Such Beautiful Weather: I Can Finally Gallop Shirtless Through the Quad Again Like the Stallion I Am
You try to speak. I silence you with a forceful yet caring neigh. You gaze into my eyes, stunned at my display of horsey power. I lean in and whisper into your ear the wise words of 90’s R&B icon Ginuwine: Ride this pony.
BREAKING: Entrepreneur Elon Musk (W CAS ’97) Adds Fuel to Former President and 1968 Wharton Graduate Donald Trump’s Comment on Former Penn Presidential Professor of Practice Joe Biden’s Housing of Classified Documents at the Penn Biden Center (Penn)
Yesterday, Twitter CEO Elon Musk (W CAS ’97) voiced his support for former President Trump’s (W ’68) tirade against the current scandal engulfing President Joe Biden.
DP Survey Finds Houston Hall Still Nowhere Near as Wet as the Engineering Students They Polled
Some engineering students have spoken to Under the Button reporters directly to comment on their nymphomania. However, we could not understand them due to their poor social cues. It really is a mystery how they’re getting some.
CAPS Starts Therapy Group for Girls Who Rushed to Find “Strong Sisterhood”
The girls have already formed close bonds and decided to create their own pseudo-sorority, titled in the typical Greek fashion: “Yo Gabba Gabba”.
OP-ED: That Never Happened
A recounting of pre-break events
Incensed Local Homeowner Kelly Writer Kicks Depressed Wordsmiths Out of Her House
Dozens of lost souls roam the rainy campus in search of a warm, quiet place to consume pop culture and do vape tricks.
Epic Fail! Mentioning Circumcision Protest to My Mom Leads to Long Lecture About How if I Had a Penis I’d Be Uncut
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!
Penn Housing Selection Crashed as Local Militia Invades The Radian
After setting up headquarters in the lounge, the group proclaimed that they will be holding hostages until a “high rise 4BR with a pretty view” opens up.
Photo Essay: Welcome to My World of Truly Delicious Foods
Buckle up and let's discover some great foods together...