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OP-ED: They Should Replace Green Passes With the Gold Star Sticker System From Preschool

OP-ED: They Should Replace Green Passes With the Gold Star Sticker System From Preschool

You were able to produce spit into a tube within an allotted two-week period? Gold star.

Hidden Heroes: The Eight Against Hate

Athletes don't get enough thanks. Let's change that. It's time to listen to minority voices and uplift our stoic heroes. 

How To Recover After The NYT Mini Jingle Plays During Class And Your Professor Says “What Was That”

How To Recover After The NYT Mini Jingle Plays During Class And Your Professor Says “What Was That”

The congratulatory ditty has already escaped from your laptop speaker. 

Life is Too Short to Be Sad: Here’s How to Be Downright Miserable

Life is Too Short to Be Sad: Here’s How to Be Downright Miserable

We are but mere mortals in the grand scheme of things, so why waste your time on this earth feeling sad? Here’s how to feel downright miserable instead.

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Swinging Both Ways! Weather Found To Be Both 1000 and -10 Degrees Simultaneously

Sweating and shivering, sweating and shivering.


OP-ED: Your Show Was Actually, Like, Good WTF

 Guys, I’m about to, like, say something a little bit controversial. Don’t cancel me pleaseeeee :( 


Quiz: How Do You Sleep At Night?

"3. I've just posted a story on Instagram that says "repost if you're against aggravated assault—I see who views this btw." What do you do?"


ESCANDALO: Penn to Replace Penn In-Touch With a Fax Machine

Your subjects will be out to you in five to eight business weeks. 


OP-ED: Thanksgiving Is for Family, Which Is Why It’s the One Day They’re Allowed Out of the Basement

During the year, I feed Mom, Dad, Susie, Aunt Margaret, cousins Bobby, Johnny and Lily, and Grandpa Marty through IV bags, but on Thanksgiving, I allow them to eat with their mouths!


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