We’re Done: UTB is Now a Site for Basic Gardening Tips
Yeah, so if you’re looking to plant some begonias or something, make sure to use nutrient rich soil, you ignoramuses. Plants, in fact, need nutrients to grow up big and strong. Christ, I know you suckers are just eating this right up.
BREAKING: Penn to Undergo Transfer of Power (From Blonde to Brunette)
That’s right — everyone’s favorite (natural) blonde, Amy Gutmann, is passing the baton to a woman with hair the color of roasted chestnuts, of smooth milk chocolate, of amorphous, stinky mud.
How To Recover After The NYT Mini Jingle Plays During Class And Your Professor Says “What Was That”
The congratulatory ditty has already escaped from your laptop speaker.
Life is Too Short to Be Sad: Here’s How to Be Downright Miserable
We are but mere mortals in the grand scheme of things, so why waste your time on this earth feeling sad? Here’s how to feel downright miserable instead.
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OP-ED: They Should Replace Green Passes With the Gold Star Sticker System From Preschool
You were able to produce spit into a tube within an allotted two-week period? Gold star.
Hidden Heroes: The Eight Against Hate
Athletes don't get enough thanks. Let's change that. It's time to listen to minority voices and uplift our stoic heroes.
Swinging Both Ways! Weather Found To Be Both 1000 and -10 Degrees Simultaneously
Sweating and shivering, sweating and shivering.
OP-ED: Your Show Was Actually, Like, Good WTF
Guys, I’m about to, like, say something a little bit controversial. Don’t cancel me pleaseeeee :(
Quiz: How Do You Sleep At Night?
"3. I've just posted a story on Instagram that says "repost if you're against aggravated assault—I see who views this btw." What do you do?"