Resourceful: Guy Puts Meme in Presentation to Mask Own Unpreparedness
Last Tuesday, certified class clown Brian Cobb (C ‘22) inserted a hilarious meme into his English presentation. His fellow students, who came in expecting a serious analysis of the poetry of Geoffrey Chaucer, were nonetheless impressed with Cobb’s resourcefulness.
Oops! Junior Misses Hey Day, Has to Repeat College
Per university policy, Kroll was immediately re-enrolled as a freshman. A College Office staffer commented that “the administration believes Hey Day is so irrevocably entwined with the Junior Experience™ that any student who misses it can hardly be allowed to be called a Penn student at all.”
OP-ED: I Wear a MAGA Hat Just so Someone Will Make Eye Contact with Me
People who would ordinarily have never glanced up from their phones will now spend ten whole seconds reading my hat before looking — straight into my eyes — to see who the asshole in the MAGA hat is.
OP-ED: I’m Dead Inside and Steal My Roommate’s Shampoo for the Rush
It started like all great cons do, out of necessity.
Oops! Professor Forgets that Students Are People, Too
Professor Shannon is happy to report that she currently enjoys an overall rating of 1.2 on Penn Course Review, and “is optimistic that in the coming semesters [she]’ll be able to bring her average up to the 1.25 range.”
Here's a List of Philly Neighborhoods That Don't Exist But Sound Pretty Hip
Wanna SEPTA to Pussyank this weekend?
Breaking: Chronic Masturbator Totally Edging during Gender Studies Lecture on Pornography
This class asked its students to examine: What is pornography? What makes something pornographic? For Thompson, and many others like him, the answer is absolutely everything.
Professor Totally Forgot About Course Evaluations, Just Brought Donuts for No Reason
Make sure to take an extra donut as you type, and remember that I also brought in Pop Ems too.
Past His Peak! Braden Will Have You Know That He Ran At Penn Relays In Middle School
“Oh! Wow! Penn Relays is going on right now?” said Braden in an interview, clad in his old high school track uniform and Penn Relays hat. “I literally had no idea. But while we’re on the subject…”