OP-ED: Do You Want to Go out Tonight? I Know a Frat That Will Make Us Both Really Uncomfortable
I know this frat on Spruce where we’ll have a really bad time and immediately want to leave. The guys at this frat are simultaneously really mean to everyone and also sexually attracted to everyone.
Top 10 Most Hilariously Dumb Penn Course Reviews
Not sure what classes you should take next semester? UTB and your peers have you got covered by revealing the brutal truth behind some of Penn's most popular courses.
Williams Hall Ranked Safest Building on Campus
In a surprising 12 place jump, Williams Hall has beat out Van Pelt and Huntsman Hall in the 2019 Daily Pennsylvanian Safest UPenn Academic Building Rankings.
OP-ED: I Only Go to Metro Because I Love Verbal Abuse
Whenever I ask for a nice chai, I know that I can count on the barista to scoff at my embarrassingly basic taste in caffeinated beverages.
UTB Writer Joins Opinion, Forced to Mock Own Content
I’ll send you guys my pitches and you go ahead and publish them. I’ll get to work on the parodies.
OP-ED: If My 4 Twitter Followers Don't like My Funny Tweet I Will Self-Immolate
I am funny, and if you think otherwise then my sense of humor is probably beyond you.
How to Recover from Having Your Snapchat Camera Flipped the Wrong Way While Taking a Piss at a Urinal
Stay perfectly still like you’re just a mannequin of a boy peeing. Science has proven that if you stay perfectly still, people will think you are a statue or an art installation.
Male Professor Talks About Sports
The five-minute conversation consisted of Reed playfully arguing with the four male students in the front row while the rest of the class watched.
OP-ED: Someone Answer My Piazza Question Before I Fucking Lose It
I’m going to ‘good question’ my question just to make sure everyone sees it.