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Oh Wow! Question Somehow Manages to Fall Below “No Stupid Questions” Threshold

Oh Wow! Question Somehow Manages to Fall Below “No Stupid Questions” Threshold

“If I’d known that I had such dipshits in my class, I would’ve blocked off questioning entirely.”

SHOCKING: Students Question Reality as Campus Wifi Functions for 5 Consecutive Minutes

We recognize that this may be the last UTB article you ever read, and we ever write; in that spirit, remember, as you are consumed by the void, that life was always meaningless.

New Waste Reduction Initiative Requires Students to Eat Out of Dining Hall Workers’ Cupped Hands

New Waste Reduction Initiative Requires Students to Eat Out of Dining Hall Workers’ Cupped Hands

The sustainability team also encourages sucking their fingers clean in order to get every last tasty drop.

If Wharton Students Are Competent, Why Do They Have Seating Charts?

If Wharton Students Are Competent, Why Do They Have Seating Charts?

Wharton has actually seen such success with their seating charts that they are publishing some new classroom policies. In Wharton classes, you now have to raise your hand when you want to use the bathroom and at the end of the semester if you get good grades you can go to the scholastic book fair.

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OP-ED: Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Trying to See What You're Writing on iMessage

Yeah… just tilt your screen down a little bit more… sweet Jebediah, that’s the ticket.


“Good Work, Team” Says Guy in Your Recitation Who Ignored All Your Suggestions

What he lacks in experience, competence, and general knowledge from the reading and/or lecture, Josh more than makes up for in confidence. 


Op-Ed: Front Row Texters Should Be Compensated as Honorary Lecturers

Perhaps with incentive, they could teach professors to intentionally reveal their Grindr histories and takeout orders while lecturing about far less riveting topics like Oscar Wilde.


BREAKING Report: Huntsman Building Was Shaped to Reinforce Penn’s Phallocentrism

The debate is fierce ... the question is, what would you do?


Local White Kid Confused After Not Being Given ‘Priority Access’ to Club Applications

If you can support in any way, he'll take donations by check. 


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