UTB’s Guide for Sending Your Professor Ignominious Emails Asking for Undeserved Extension or Apologizing for Irredeemable Wretchedness
First step, enema.
Happy Thanksgiving! My Friend Told Me I Have the Facial Structure of Goody Proctor
I think it’s your nose, maybe your chin. It's like someone overlayed every white girls' face.
Oh Shit! This Song Makes Me Want to Move My Body in Ways I’ve Never Moved Before
Danse, dance, dAAAAAAAANCE!
Damn: Insufferable Rich Kid Actually Pretty Drippy
Despite his decidedly insufferable characteristics, I must concede that this kid fucking dripsssss.
601 Reasons Why Doja Cat's "Get Into It (Yuh)" is the Song of the Summer 2022
Spoiler: It's not what you think!
OP-ED: You Can’t Kick Me Out of a GSR in a Way That Matters
I realize I am damned to this narrative.
Green Eggs AND Ham, Commons Has Everything Today!
I do not like commons green eggs and ham. I do not like this, Maya I am.
Sophomore Misses Midterm to Wait in Line for 1.5 Oz of Glossier You Eau de Parfum
It's so worth it! It really does smell a little different on everyone.
OP-ED: I Need You To Love Me More
Nothing is truly ever as it seems, yet everything acts in accordance to what you do. Therefore, extend your love to me!