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Whimsical Girls Will Now Be Administered Mood Stabilizers To Enter Kelly Writers House

Whimsical Girls Will Now Be Administered Mood Stabilizers To Enter Kelly Writers House

This CDC-approved and, in the words of Fauci himself, “awesome” drug is used to soothe the idiosyncratic and manic tendencies of girls whose behavior worsens in creative spaces like the Kelly Writers House. 

Engineer Uses 4-in-1 Wash Every 1-in-4 Days

“It’s all a matter of efficiency,” Finnegan explained. “Why would you do something if it’s not efficient?”

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Op-Ed: I’m Not Manspreading, I Shit Myself

I have often been accused of manspreading, but as a person who is plagued with anxiety and is barely confident enough to go grocery shopping without a friend, I can assure you this is not my goal.


REPORT: Wilcaf Nepotism Responsible for Rising Student Unemployment Rate

Is this the end for meritocracy?


Leaked! UTB Rejection Letter

I think you may have misread the application. We asked you to submit two satire articles, not fourteen acrostic poems about how much you love your mom


Student Awakes from “Quick 20-minute Nap” In Time to Witness Heat Death of Universe

“At first, I was panicking because I thought I had missed anthropology recitation,” Wright related, rubbing his eyes. “But then I saw the remnants of existence decaying around me, and I knew that I had bigger problems to deal with.” 


Fact Check: Justin Bieber Was Not Made in America

 Spending hundreds of dollars to see American-made pop stars and being duped into seeing a maple syrup manufacturer’s spawn — absurd 


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