Resourceful: Guy Puts Meme in Presentation to Mask Own Unpreparedness
Last Tuesday, certified class clown Brian Cobb (C ‘22) inserted a hilarious meme into his English presentation. His fellow students, who came in expecting a serious analysis of the poetry of Geoffrey Chaucer, were nonetheless impressed with Cobb’s resourcefulness.
Oops! Junior Misses Hey Day, Has to Repeat College
Per university policy, Kroll was immediately re-enrolled as a freshman. A College Office staffer commented that “the administration believes Hey Day is so irrevocably entwined with the Junior Experience™ that any student who misses it can hardly be allowed to be called a Penn student at all.”
OP-ED: I Wear a MAGA Hat Just so Someone Will Make Eye Contact with Me
People who would ordinarily have never glanced up from their phones will now spend ten whole seconds reading my hat before looking — straight into my eyes — to see who the asshole in the MAGA hat is.
OP-ED: I’m Dead Inside and Steal My Roommate’s Shampoo for the Rush
It started like all great cons do, out of necessity.
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Breaking: Old White Man in DP Comments Section Has Solution to Curing Democracy of All Corruption!
Thompson has said that he will continue his good work, keeping our democracy clean and pure by commenting on burgeoning journalists posts with “WRONG!” and “lame.”
OP-ED: Don't Even Talk to Me Until I've Had My Poppers
I'm basically a monster before I get my poppers. Know what I mean?
Residential Services Tries to Sublet Entire Quad for Summer
Looking to sublet a spacious, castle-like structure with definitely, at least, some bedrooms from late May — very early August.
Sad! This Boy Hasn't Gotten a Notification on His Phone All Class
Everyone knows you’re supposed to send a text message right before class, so you have a response when you get out.
Not Again! Getting in WilCaf Line at 10:59 Makes Sarah Late to Class Again
Why does it need to take A WHOLE MINUTE for me to order, pay, and receive my complicated espresso drink made with a mixture of non-dairy milks?!