‘I'm Going to Exercise Tomorrow’ Says Student Every Day
“I’ve just been too busy with everything,” said Rosewater. “The other day, I had to finish a Netflix series, another day I had to play 40 games of League of Legends, and just yesterday I had to take a 5 hour nap in the middle of the day.”
With Finals Over, Josh Looking Forward to More of the Same
With his usual summer activities on hold, Josh continues to spend much of his time sitting on the floor of his childhood bedroom with his laptop in his lap and a slight sadness on his face.
My Study Abroad Was Great, Thanks for Asking!
While at first I was pretty bummed that my semester was cut short, I now realize that study abroad wasn't going to give me anything I couldn't get from the comfort of my own home.
Forget the Bikini, Sophie Looking Forward to Getting Mask Tan This Summer!
Sophomore Sophie Pearson would usually be hitting the beach to work on her tan, enabling her to flex on her friends come fall, but this summer she's got a small modification to her usual plan in mind.
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After Grueling Day of Watching Netflix, Student Is Ready to Finally Unwind
Kayla has recently decided to take on the difficult task of watching the entire Avatar: The Last Airbender series on Netflix. While it is certainly no easy feat, she has confidence that it can be done in a matter of two days.
Penn Hires Jungle Cruise Guides to Give Campus Zoom Tours
“Prospective students will still get to hear about important traditions like toast throwing and how Greek life isn’t that important to the social scene, but now, it’ll be with puns!”
Dear Penn: When You're Moving My Stuff, I Also Left a Sweatshirt in DRL Can You Get That?
It's black and has my high school (Oakcrest) on it. There are some stains on the right sleeve, I promise it's just ketchup, not blood or anything. Heh. Anyway, if you could go to DRL and get it, it would really mean a lot to me.
Student Enrolls in Summer CIS 160 To Preserve Mental Health in Quarantine
“The class will also give me a sense of purpose with something to do, so it definitely won’t fuel my depression and self-doubt.”
Basically Shakespeare: Jeremy Finishes 700-Page "Killer Bean" Fan Fiction
Despite never having read Shakespeare, Stanley has opted to honor the great poet by dubbing his own opus, King Bean. Asked Stanley's mother, "Can someone please explain Killer Bean to me again?"