OP-ED: Penn Is Not On Indian Land
I can't be the only one confused right? India is on a completely different continent. These so-called "land acknowledgements" aren't even acknowledging the right thing.
Ketamine Enthusiasts Excited for the Year of the Horse
This year’s incarnation, the Fire Horse, promises rapid change and transformation, an untamed force that refuses stagnation. To many ket-heads, this is less a prediction than a confirmation: the universe is finally speaking their language.
Report: Three Months Remain Until Penn Senior Becomes Regular Unemployed Alcoholic
“Certainly, his parents are very proud of him,” stated researchers, “but when they look at their neighbor’s son who played football in high school and went to a state school and is now working as an actuary at a regional insurance company, they can’t help but wonder: can their child thrive outside the structure of an educational institution?”
Guy Who's Taking a Break From Social Media Only Doing It So He Can Tell You About It
He needs you to know that he’s better than you for taking a break and deleting the apps for a while (2 hours) and that he’s trying to improve himself via attention span resetting, dopamine cleansing, and internal work.
Opinion: I Think We Can Safely Say Global Warming is a Hoax
The climate is stable and they are not talking about it.
Grad Strike Narrowly Averted as Penn Allows Grad Students to Take Two Entrees from Grommons Instead of One
One graduate student had suggested increasing the amount of sides from two to three. She was immediately executed on the spot.
Most Read
Other News
Op-Ed: Old White Women With Pixie Cuts Are Evil
In this exposé, I shall present to readers photo exhibits and real-life images of what I mean when I say old white women with pixie cuts are evil evil creatures, brought upon the earth to poison us with their thoughts and actions.
Writer of the Week (But Not Necessarily This Week)
Title VI Training Sees 100% Completion After Pledges Mistake It for Hazing
University officials are now reportedly considering rebranding all training modules as “character-building exercises.”
Ivana Asiedu
Thursday, Feb. 12, 2026Thu, Feb 12, 2026
Featured Articles
Penn Announces New Minor in Solid Core
At press time, University officials declared that they were "excited" about this. University president J. Larry Jameson posited: "My straight daughter and gay son are super happy. So, I guess, let's have a Brat Summer, everyone."
Report: Three Months Remain Until Penn Senior Becomes Regular Unemployed Alcoholic
“Certainly, his parents are very proud of him,” stated researchers, “but when they look at their neighbor’s son who played football in high school and went to a state school and is now working as an actuary at a regional insurance company, they can’t help but wonder: can their child thrive outside the structure of an educational institution?”
Advertising Partners
