
Seven Noise-Canceling Headphones To Wear Around Your Friend Who Just Returned From Abroad
“I’m baaaaaaack!” says your friend who just returned from Europe after a semester of doing the bare minimum and exceeding all expectations for the amount one person can post on Instagram.
OP-ED: Maybe You’re The Problem
I slept in the Moelis Family Grand Reading Room, the ATO roof deck, under the button, and the Quad Catacombs.

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Success! Week-Long Mask Mandate Totally 100% Effective
The novel Coronavirus has been eradicated, thanks to your 7 day compliance. Yay!
OP-ED: Take a Hard Look at Me and Ask Me if I’m in a Sorority Again
The answer is shocking.
Oh No! Penn Loses Entire Endowment Betting on High-Stakes UNO
Accompanied by a “¯\_(ツ)_/¯” emoticon and the writing “oopsy-daisy” was the announcement that Penn has declared bankruptcy.
OP-ED: If Em Dashes Are So Versatile, Then Why Can’t They Mend My Rapidly Deteriorating Relationship?
First, I began sneaking them into our texts. “Hey — can we talk tonight?” “Do you want to hang out — maybe next Friday?” “Wow, that GIF you sent of a guy slipping and falling head-first into a tub full of hot sauce was — frankly — pretty epic.”
What's on the Lauder Dining Hall Menu? Pap Smears of Wagyu
Penn has been championing interdisciplinary creativity for decades; intertwining gastronomy and gynecology is no exception.