Midterm “Week” Actually Nine Calendar Months
The light at the of the tunnel won't get here until May. You've still got about 200 days – give or take – of all-nighters, stress eating, and ugly crying.
"Now's My Chance": Rick Bayless Sneaks Back Onto Campus While Everyone's Distracted
"I saw him near the Radian sitting in a bush and shoveling homemade guacamole into his mouth using his hands,” Joseph Joeford (C '22) recalled from his morning walk. “He probably thought nobody could see him, but we all could."
Jessica Excited to Finally Use Communication Major as Spam Caller
Most days Jessica calls and tells people that their Social Security Number has been stolen, but some days she is given a lot of freedom and even gets to tell them their car has been robbed or that their brother was in prison. She told UTB that her job is not easy and requires expert communication and interpersonal skills.
OP-ED: I Like My Relationships Like My Closed-Note Exams: Full of Open, Unabashed Cheating.
Cheating is hot. It also has the potential to destroy relationships, families, general trust in humanity, and your pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive - but that just makes it hotter.
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OP-ED: Spotted Red Lantern Flies Are My Only Source of Physical Touch
At this point, I need to take what I can get, and what I can get is spotted red lantern flies.
Brett Kavanaugh Confused, Is He Not "Packing" Enough for the Current Supreme Court?
When asked about the possibility of court-packing the Supreme Court, Kavanaugh became very puzzled. “Wait. Did you say packing? The court? But I’m on that? I certainly think I am packing enough ‘down there.’” The justice made UTB aware that his nicknames at law school were ‘The Hanging Judge’, ‘The Magistrate with Massive Meatballs’, ‘Colossal Kavanaugh’, and ‘Brett and His Big Gavel’.
Meanies! Got Weird Looks as I Threw My Gum in the Red White and Blue Trash Can
Seconds after I trashed the gum, everyone jumped down my throat about how “unamerican” I am. I want to think that I am perfectly American: I refuse to change my opinion when faced with facts, and steadfastly ignore the needs of others.
Report: Zoom Breakout Rooms Found to be Quieter than Cold Vacuum of Space
The researchers identified numerous parallels between the quietude of the cosmos and the awkward silence of students thrust into uninteresting and forced discussion with others they barely know.
OP-ED: To Gain Support Among Liberals, The Fracking Industry Needs To Get WOKE
“Nevertheless, she persisted” merchandise? More like “Nevertheless, she frack-sisted” merch!