This year’s incarnation, the Fire Horse, promises rapid change and transformation, an untamed force that refuses stagnation. To many ket-heads, this is less a prediction than a confirmation: the universe is finally speaking their language.
“Certainly, his parents are very proud of him,” stated researchers, “but when they look at their neighbor’s son who played football in high school and went to a state school and is now working as an actuary at a regional insurance company, they can’t help but wonder: can their child thrive outside the structure of an educational institution?”
Make sure the cream rises to the top!
“It felt like being shoved into a locker all over again.”
There are still some good men out there!
At press time, University officials declared that they were "excited" about this. University president J. Larry Jameson posited: "My straight daughter and gay son are super happy. So, I guess, let's have a Brat Summer, everyone."
University officials are now reportedly considering rebranding all training modules as “character-building exercises.”
No, you cannot go around abbreviating this one.
“It’s an outrage,” said one student who wishes to remain anonymous. “I can excuse most of the things they did on that island, but I draw the line at animal abuse.”
Don't. Mess. With. My. Clothes, Ho.
Don't. Mess. With. My. Clothes, Ho.
Who needs to obey the traffic lights? Only a weak person with a fragile mindset, who believes that the Philly driver who is simultaneously on Snapchat and vaping will hit them.
“Thank God that freak Elon isn’t here. That guy really sucks. Fucking weirdo.”
Solutions by The State News
