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Opinion


Fun Party Game: Guess Where I’m From but Every Time I Make Up a Fictional South Asian Country

You begin to feel how one usually feels after a few drinks: socially and morally conscious about your racial identity. 


OP-ED: I've Been Thinking Recently

Thinking. Pondering. Wondering.


How to Gently Tell Your Friend That All Sororities Are the Same Tier in the Eyes of God

He does, however, consider your membership in ILMUNC, the Philomathean Society, and Penn Democrats.


OP-ED: How Can I Pursue A Career In Academia In A Cool, Ironic, Cool Kind of Way?

I guess one way would be to write for some shitty comedy outlet a few times a week and just delegitimize everything I do in class. 


OP-ED: If I'm Not Going To Watch Fox News Shirtless In My Floor Lounge, Who Will?

My friends on the TV were somewhat concerned with the state of the US House of Representatives.


Finals Season! 10 Places On Campus to Conduct Your Eternal Scream In

Finally! A comprehensive list of places where one can scream in and be at peace.


How to Merge the Ego and the Self in the Huntsman Bathroom Mirror

 I miss the enlightened and sincere demeanor you presented with before this interschool minor!


Vaccines Work: How My Unvaccinated Roommate Died of Misdiagnosed Tuberculosis

Check on your friends with Health Registration Holds…    


Happy Thanksgiving! My Friend Told Me I Have the Facial Structure of Goody Proctor

I think it’s your nose, maybe your chin. It's like someone overlayed every white girls' face. 


Damn: Insufferable Rich Kid Actually Pretty Drippy

Despite his decidedly insufferable characteristics, I must concede that this kid fucking dripsssss.


OP-ED: You Can’t Kick Me Out of a GSR in a Way That Matters

I realize I am damned to this narrative.


OP-ED: I Need You To Love Me More

Nothing is truly ever as it seems, yet everything acts in accordance to what you do. Therefore, extend your love to me!


Erm, Why Does Your Childhood Friend Have a Two-Year-Old and You Don’t Even Have Your Bachelors

Jersey? Hannah is going to OWN a house with a yard? And she is a manager at Super Cuts in Cherry Hill?


OP-ED: I Love Venn Diagrams

I love you and I don't know your stance on venn diagrams.


Such Activity! My Roommate Does a Mad Fit Dance Workout While I Lounge Wistfully on the Couch

For now, engaging in a Mad Fit Workout is merely an unattainable dream, one that I reach for, but never quite reach. 


Lin Reveal! Family Weekend Exposes if Parents Are Lame or Fuckable

Even if your parents don’t come, it’s still an exciting time — you already know that your roommate is rich, now it's time to see if they also have a hot dad.


Here Are 5 Places on Campus for Woeful English Majors to Brood in And/ Or Weep At

The closest I will ever come to that 10-dollar lox sandwich 


Performance Art! Watch Me Eat a Pret Salad in the Reading Room

I wish you could see me now, Moelis Family.


Lovesick? Heatsick? I’m Sick of You TAC-E Bitches

They'll try their hardest for a quirky play but settle for generic titles and promotions likeeee??


“He Is JP Morgan” and 7 Other Lies to Tell About What Your Dad Does

And look at that — you made a new friend, scaled Penn’s social ladder, and are now one degree of separation from the heir to the Funyuns fortune. Not bad, right?


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