Opinion


OP-ED: Wearing Allbirds Doesn’t Mean I’ll Work In Tech (But I Probably Will)

I’ll say it. Penn has a problem with stereotypes. 


OP-ED: Don’t Blame Me, Blame The System. I Will Eat My Kettle Chips in VP Basement Loudly and Proudly

Sweet, sweet Mark’s Café has its ups (Dibs) and downs (sandwiches, sushi, fruit, coffee), and kettle chips fall right in the middle.


OP-ED: Yea My Roommate's Here But Lets Just Have Sex Quietly

I was a little worried about doing this whole blind date thing but it really turned out great.


OP-ED: I'm Actually Playing This Computer Game to Distract My Classmates as a Form of Sabotage

There’s lots of ways students zone out during classes nowadays.


Kawaii Story

٩(◕‿◕。)۶ ( ◡‿◡ *)*:・゚✧*:・゚*:・゚✧*:・゚:・゚✧*:・゚*:


How to Heal Yourself After You Said Hi to Someone Wearing Noise-Cancelling Headphones

The pain of saying hello loudly enough for passersby to hear, so they can all watch you get ignored, cuts so deep that it can feel like you will never recover.


OP-ED: I am Short and Pret Scares Me

Ah—to be tall. To be able to reach things on shelves without throwing out your shoulder and collapsing your mold covered Quad closet.


'What Really Happened,' by Jared From Your PoliSci Recitation

I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation.


Sign My Petition To Ban Thunderstorms From Campus

Hey do you have a second? Yea just take your headphones out real quick this’ll only take a minute.


OP-ED: I Wouldn’t Be Failing My Midterms If Bob Mueller Would Just Get This Whole Thing Over With Already

Let's just call the whole thing off. You don’t want my grades to be as bad as the President’s, do you?


OP-ED: Penn’s Hand Foot Mouth Epidemic Can Be Brutal, but It’s One of the Best Things About It

The disease can be brutal, but having it makes you realize just how lucky you are to be a living person with hands, feet, and a mouth.


OP-ED: I’ve Listened to 'thank u, next' for 24 Hours Straight, but I Still Hate All of My Exes

Dear Ari—may I call you Ari? I hope so. I've been a major Arianator ever since I was 15 and really resonated with your hit single "Side to Side."


Cool, This Dude Leaned So Far Back In His Chair That He’s Basically In My Lap

Um, excuse me. Can I help you? What are you doing?


OP-ED: I Only Fuck High Metabolism Athletes Because They Can Eat More of This Pussy

Look: We are all watching our weight, and some men can’t afford to eat very much of this pussy.


OP-ED: I'm Out East This Weekend, I'll Circle Back With You on Monday

I know that this may be kind of inconvenient for some of you, but I promise I'll circle back with you on Monday. Let's put a pin in whatever we're working on until I get back. Just don't email me, please.


OP-ED: I Drink, Wash My Dishes, and Bathe in Wawa Water

Wawa water is not just for drinking.


Our Date Was Going so Well, Until He Had to Get Extra White Sauce

Our first date was going so well, so I thought why not take it to the next level and go to a food truck.


Evacuate the Dance Floor: I Want to Listen to '20 Something' by Sza Alone in the Middle of This Frat Party

Thanks especially to the brothers of Gamma Rho Kappa Kappa Upsilon Phi Beta Beta Beta for putting on this shindig—it’s been a blast.


OP-ED: It’s Not Penn Face, I Genuinely Enjoy Taking 7 Classes, Being on the Executive Board of 18 Clubs, and Applying to 97 Internships

I really couldn’t imagine myself being any happier here at Penn. I’m so lucky to be in a place that not only allows me to excel academically, but also elevate and find more new interests and passions than my peers!


OP-ED: Please Send Me Your Answers to the Homework (So I Can Compare)

Hey, friend. I see you’ve finished the problem set due tomorrow.


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