Opinion


Here Are 5 Definitive Ways to Tell If Your Roommate Is a Psychopath

So you moved in about three weeks ago, and it has been a whirlwind. After meeting your roommate, hanging out a ton with them during NSO, and then completely ditching them when you made your real friends, you’re beginning to notice some weird things they do. After speaking with several Penn scientists and psychopaths we know personally, we’ve compiled a list of five foolproof ways to tell if your roommate is a psychopath.


OP-ED: If I Don't Go to My First Class, I Won't Go to Any Class

My roommate frequently misses her 8 a.m. recitation. Still, she makes an effort to attend her afternoon classes, saying she wants to "make the most of her tuition money." In fact, most of my friends, even if they skip one of their classes regularly, usually go to the others in order to stay on top of the course material.


OP-ED: Let's Try Planning Fall Break For Months, Drop the Ball And Just Get a MegaBus to NYC, I Guess

Hey pals, what’s the haps? I know we’re still rotting away in the offices at the jobs our parents so graciously awarded us, but we NEED to do something fun for fall break this year. I was thinking Amalfi Coast? Maybe Dubai? I’d also be down for Sydney! It’ll be so simple to arrange a quick little weekend trip with my best friends.


OP-ED: I Am Part of the Resistance Inside Gutmann's Campaign for Wellness

I work for the president but like-minded colleagues and I have vowed to thwart parts of her wellness agenda.


OP-ED: Dear Protesters, I Am a Whore, But Not Because I’m a Feminist

My name is Chad and I’m a whore. I am also a feminist. But Mr. Preacher: being a feminist is not what makes me a whore—I promise.   


I Lived It: My Fourth NSO Without Losing a Toe

Wow. I never thought this day would come. After hearing the news two years ago about a freshman who managed to lose his big toe during the pool party, I always thought I'd be next. After all, I had already lost two Penn Cards, my pants, and at least a few brain cells during NSO.


OP-ED: Please for the Love of God, Buy My Godzilla-Cover Calc Textbook

Greetings, fellow members of Free & For Sale. I presume many of you are crossing the ol' Formal Reasoning and Analysis requirement off your respective Academic Planning Worksheets this fall. Perhaps the specter of MATH 103 or MATH 104 looms heavy on the horizon. If this indeed be the case, then have I got an offer for you!


OP-ED: Penn Should Totally Offer Summer Classes!

Once I had this crazy idea, I couldn’t believe that no one had thought of it before.


Quiz: Do Your Summer Coworkers Hate You?

Take this quiz to stay ahead of the curve and find out if your coworkers think you’re a real dick.


OP-ED: How Can You Say That I Don't Have a Personality When I'm Wearing These Cool Socks

First of all, how dare you. I just don't get how you could say such a rude thing to a guy wearing such cool socks. I'm not saying that by having impeccable style I should be impervious to criticism, but, ya know, respect the fibers on my feet. Also, haven’t you noticed my eccentric short-sleeved button up? C’mon, I’m not on a beach sipping margs, why am I wearing this sweet Hawaiian shirt! That’s a pretty dope personality trait if I do say so myself.




OP-ED: I’m a Registered Democrat But Salmon Khaki Shorts Are My Kink

"Yes, she loves Obama, but does that mean a pair of socially liberal, fiscally conservative pink shorts from J. Crew can’t turn her on?"




OP-ED: I Waited 8 Minutes for a Latte at Pret—Now I Understand Oppression

"I politely coughed, to alert the baristas to my impatience, and they didn’t even look up. It pierced me to my core."






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