Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Opinion


OP-ED: I'm Hungies

YES! Let’s just smoke a cigarette. Delish! Nothing tastes better than that.


OP-ED: Wanna See a Card Trick?

Sure you do.


If Nothing Matters, Then Why Am I So Important?

Even the Halal guy tells me that I am important. 


Why I Refuse to See Other Women as Competition Unless They Are the Same Race As Me

I’m all against competitions unless it’s coming down between me and another Chinese skank. In that case, there is absolutely a competition and I’m winning.


It’s Time Someone Colonized This Little Brown Girl

Good dick is good dick.


OP-ED: Penn Students, Eat More Poke Bowls

Hundreds if not thousands of students pass through Penn without once experiencing the wonder that is the poke bowl at Bento. No wonder people are so glum here.  


Call for Action: Make Babies Second Class Citizens

I’m prepared to weather whatever resistance I am met with by mothers, fathers, and every other fucker under a baby’s conspiratorial spell.


Op-Ed: Stop Bringing Your Kids to Clark Park, I Need to Smoke

Bring justice to us future lung cancer patients.


Becky Weisberg and Mikayla Golub | Penn must divest from Penn

We cannot even imagine the depth and breadth of Penn's sphere of influence. There's the saying "money makes the world go 'round," but I think the more apt expression is: "money makes the world burn, especially if it's Penn's money." 


The DP Angels answer pressing questions about ketamine, WilCaf, and women's bodies

 The DP Angels is an advice column brought to you by your DP Design girlies, where we respond to questions from the Penn community concerning all things romance, social life, and campus culture! 


Penn Students, Start Misusing Your Privilege More

Privilege is so lit. Probably the best thing about being a straight white male.


OP-ED: We Need You on a Dining Plan So We Can Pay the Mortgage on Huntsman Hall

 Like many regretful property owners, we were emboldened by a particularly charismatic real estate agent who convinced us to stretch just a little bit beyond our budget. 


Penn’s Commencement Plans Overlook Orthodox Jews and Those Who Already Booked Their Bora Bora Tickets

Penn’s willful ignorance of Orthodox Jewish students’ religious practices, as well as Stephanie’s well-planned-out schedule to live it the fuck up in Bora Bora can be corrected. 


Resumé Leaked From the Guy Who Landed the Goldman Sachs Internship

Honors/Awards: Second best bong ripper in my frat, 99+ Tinder likes, Definitely not a virgin, Was hazed for two years instead of the usual one year 


From Marriage Pacts to Engagement Days: Penn’s Promise of Everlasting Love

Absque amore est vita inutilia. Life without love is useless.


Ned’s Declassified Penn Survival Guide

Penn can be a scary and confusing place to navigate. But don’t worry! To help students turn the challenges of Penn into opportunities for growth, we at UTB have discovered the easiest tips and tricks to success! 


Pandemic? Quarantine? It's 2019: Let's Get Some Shake Shack

Woah, are you okay man? That looked like a pretty nasty fall back there, but I’m glad you’re alright! Geez Louise, don’t scare me like that, bro.


What the Hell? Someone On Floor Cooking Steak au Poivre Again

What is that succulent scent wafting through the hallowed halls of Harnwell? God damn it. Is that steak au poivre?


Sturdy Girl Looking for Well-Balanced Guy

Please send in a picture (FULL BODY!!!) and a brief description of yourself. Include BMI, favorite position, income, and list of daily vitamins. I promise that if you are the right fit, we will have an amazing time together :) 


OP-ED: Penn Greek Life Spreading COVID-19 Is Dismissive Towards Those in the Philadelphia Community That Failed To Get Bids

“It’s disrespectful towards those in the Philadelphia community who have always been hospitable towards these kids and literally can’t even get into an invite-only rush event. It’s bullshit.”


PennConnects