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Lesser-Known Penn Rankings Worth Bragging About

Penn has a slue of prestigious accolades—#7 best school in the nation, high rankings for Wharton, our President is a known model, and we’ve received much love from WawaGrubHub, and nowadays, Hollywood. And we take pride in these feats because, haters be damned, we really do work hard.

But this ranking has us flabbergasted. In some twist of fate (and logic), Penn ranked #29 Best College For Food In America. While this list hardly narrowed the category by including a whopping 75 schools, we still don’t know what we did or who we paid to get this award…or if this was the classic UPenn/Penn State mix-up.

Regardless, in honor of this ranking, here are some of Penn’s lesser-known rankings—the kind you won’t find in any brochure, we promise.

- 18th Most Likely to Contract West Nile Virus

- 4th Most Sanitary Hand Sanitizer

- 16th Most Non-Penn Affiliated Adults Present in a Library per any given moment

2nd Best New Building

20th Most Overly Eager Freshman Class

11th Sturdiest Bridge on a College Campus

- 3rd Most Drunk Texts Sent per weekend

- 1st Most Drunk Texts Regretted per weekend

- 6th Most Jimmy Johns Consumed per capita

- 23rd Year-Round Coldest Library

9th Most Likely School for Olivia Pope to Attend (Ed note: this one is real)

- 3rd Most Soiled Statue

- 45th Most Thai Restaurants per square block

1st in Anal Sex (damn right)

- 37th in Groups of People That The City of Philadelphia Likes

- 88th Most Jovial Grocery Store Staff

- 14th Most Enthusiastic About A Cappella

- 12th Most Disappointed in SaladWorks

- 5th Farthest Student Health Office